Run #1534 - Yummy Kippers

September 20, 2010

Hares: Hardly , Twisted Sister & Tarzan
Where: Nose Hill Park, north of the Winter Club
On-In: Cha Cha's Pizza & Pub
Big Rock: in Two Flavours!
Attendance: 44

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Ah, yes, what else could be expected from the last hash of summer — cold, blustery winds atop Nose Hill, spits of rain with a forecast that included a chance of the dreaded S-word, chattering teeth, and conditions that would even make a fish think twice about coming to the surface (assuming there were any fish stupid enough to hang out at the highest point in Calgary).

Welcome to the 15th (or so) annual Yummy Kippers hash, where co-hares Hardly and Twisty set a fishy trail that may or may not have been in the shape of a walleye or Northern Pike or large-mouthed bass, or something. There were plenty of fish crackers, and scaly t-shirts commemorating the blessed, more or less, event. Of course, a toque and mitts might have been a more suitable gift for the occasion.

Hashers gathered in the gravel parking lot at Pecker Point, overlooking the Deerfoot International Speedway and Calgary International Airport (watch out for those low-flying planes) to the east. Skyscraper National Park to the south, and Edmonton just over the horizon to the north. Low-hanging clouds took away some of the scenic views, but as long as there was a beer re-group, who cares.

Hashers followed muddy trails up and down and around Nose Hill (maybe we were really running in the shape of a fish tail) before heading across bustling 14th Street and into a nearby neighbourhood, where it seemed large numbers of hashers got lost. Luckily, everyone eventually worked their way to the tunnel back into Nose Hill, where fish crackers and beer awaited.

Then it was onto Cha-Chas bar on Northmount Drive, where Guest RA Lost in Space handled business amid the mass quantities of wings and beer, not to mention the New Orleans-San Francisco NFL game on television. Mr. Space had plenty of ammo, for instance:

• Dirty Dancer was honoured for his 300th run, and said he had never spent a better $900 on anything, including Christmas and birthday presents for Mouthful.
   
• Shutter Slut made a triumphant return from Gobblerland after a four-month hiatus, and spent the whole hash blathering about how warm it was in Turkey. Or maybe it was how warm an oven had to be to cook a turkey, one or the other. Mr. Slut did have a bit of advice for anyone wanting to pick up an underage Turkish hooker: Be sure to lift with your legs.
   
• Baby stopped his incessant whining about his ability to win the Hash Thingy with alarming regularity — but only after it was passed off to Randy Bastard, who was more concerned about whether his beloved San Francisco Giants will make the baseball playoffs.
   
• Pink Meat took a tumble, or almost took a tumble, which Lost in Space attributed to the eyeglasses she was wearing. Something about the Optometry Gods wreaking havoc on Four-Eyed Ms. Meat.
   
• Thunder Tits apparently got to drink for having nice boots, or perhaps because she enjoyed backing into the foosball table just a little too much.
   
• Snevil got a down-down for her ADD dance, which has absolutely no chance whatsoever of ending up on Do You Think You Can Dance, Canada. But she may still have a shot at Do You Think You Can Dance Badly Canada, Special Olympics Edition.
   
• Bobbin Robin was strangely silent, apparently crestfallen that he finished second to a child molester for becoming Edmonton Eskimos general manager. Maybe next time.
   
• Poor, poor Chick Lick ended up with a Hash Thingy just cuz, according to Lost in Space, who really has never had a reason for anything he has ever done in his entire life, so why start now.
   
• Surprisingly, the swashbuckling Dr. Fill and Buried Pleasure survived for two weeks on a boat around Vancouver Island without getting attacked by Somali pirates, killing each other, or running the boat into Salt Spring Island. It was unclear if Dr. Fill modeled himself after the Skipper or Gilligan, and if Ms. Pleasure was Ginger or Mary Ann.

  All that time on a boat, and all they had to show for it was matching skull-and-crossbones do-rags. Hey, whatever works.

Yes, it was a lovely summer of hashing. There were two runs where hashers actually broke a sweat. The Weather Gods, evil bleeps that they are, thought that was hilarious. Everyone else, not at all.

On-On!

Duke of Hurl

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