Run #1532 - Edmonton's Labour Lost

September 6, 2010

Live Hare: Lost in Space and Lysol
Where: Lost in Space and Lysol's Inglewood Love Lair
Big Rock: Backyard Big Rock Bounty
Attendance: 41

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Even though they were listed as co-hares, Lost In Space and Lisol put in about as much effort in setting trail as the Eskimos from the City of Chumpions did during their 52-5 thrashing by the Calgary Stampeders in the Unbattle of Alberta. No, Lost decided to leave trail-setting duties to Baby, who begat Hyena and Roaring Nancy, which led to Maple and Rusty Dick, which then resulted in total disaster, but allowed Mr. Dick to take home the coveted Hash Thingy for getting lost on his own trail. At least Rusty Dick is no longer a Hash Thingy virgin.

Lost's master plan went awry before Baby even made the first turn, as the contraption that laid perfectly manicured dots of flour exploded into more than a few pieces. So Baby, ever the innovator, was forced to improvise with chalk, which also undoubtedly broke into a million pieces.

Lost figured Baby would get caught within the first 10 or 15 minutes, but the Bruneian gazelle went on and on and on before finally getting hauled down at his house, where he supplied re-group beer from his own personal stash. What a guy, what a prince.

Hyena and Roaring Nancy then jetted off on the bike paths along the Bow River in Englewood, but they were quickly caught. Maple apparently then became one of the co-hares, although he wasn't seen afterward. He reportedly went swimming in the infamous weir on the Bow River, maybe never to be heard from again.

Master Beater, aka Captain America, then swooped in for the rescue, setting trail all the way back to Lost's Englewood house, or so he claims. He also served as the search party for the damsels in distress — Pink Meat, Mucky Dip, Amsterdam visitor Excremental Earnings and Shack Shock, to name a few — who were having trouble finding trail. Mr. Beater was slightly worried they'd get attacked by the Boogeyman as darkness settled over Calgary, but he wasn't overwrought with fear.

Luckily, they eventually found their way back to Chez Lost and Lisol, where chili, salad, smokies and beer awaited. Oh, and where Captain American dispensed a few doses of American hash justice, For instance:

• The Captain's first order of business was appointing a choir, King Shit and Hyena, aka Canada's answer to Hall and Oates. Enough said.
   
• Whale Wanker, not wearing his ratty 1970s running shorts for once, was honoured for his 700th run, and got a mug for his $2,100 investment. It seemed Mr. Wanker took the night off after recent surgery that numbed him from the waist down and (TMI alert) caused him to pee the hospital bed.
   
• Missing Link, a visiting hasher from Amsterdam, had to drink multiple beers from his brand-new running shoes for wearing brand-new running shoes. To make matters worse and adding insult to injury, he bought them at The Dark Side. Somewhere, John Stanton let out a manaical laugh, and counted even more money.
   
• For some inexplicble reason, Captain America decided that Always With Wings reminded him of Batman's sidekick Robin, which may or may not have had something to do with Robin's sexual orientation and how compatible it was with Always. Enough said, Chapter 2.
   
• Pink Meat got busted by her loving husband for confusing drop and roll with dropping a roll, thereby causing the Chez Lost and Lisol inhabitants extra clean-up duties.
   
• Although it went unrewarded with a beer, probably because she would have been even more frozen, Mucky Dip's fingers were pretty impressive when some of them turned white as a result of the cool fall evening. Just wait till the dead of winter, which, given the way Calgary's two-day summer went, may arrive in a week or so.

On-On!

Duke of Hurl

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