Run #1526 - The Hail You Say!

July 26, 2010

Hares: Krusty and Master Beater
Where: Fish Creek Park, at the south end of Elbow Drive
On-In: On the Rocks Pub and Grill
Big Rock: with ice
Attendance: 34

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Without a doubt, it was one hail of a trail.

Torrents of rain pummeled hashers along the banks of Fish Creek, and visibility was next to nothing. Hail peppered the pack as they searched fruitlessly for a safe haven. Thunder boomed and lightning crackled as some — not naming any names, cough, Dementia, cough — apparently didn't know it wasn't a good idea to stand in a creek during a lightning storm.

The relentless downpour turned trails at Fish Creek Park into mini-streams. Water gushed from storm sewers, making the area under MacLeod Trail look like a baby Niagara Falls. Piles of hailstones along the pathway looked a bit like snow, and was about as cold as snow. It also prompted Dastardly to shower poor, unsuspecting Pink Meat and Beetlejuice with hail down their backs.

Of course, some enjoyed it, such as Dreary and the Dancing Bear troupe, who took the opportunity to dance amid the weather madness.

And just like that, it was over.

Hardly, the epitome of weather vigilance, warned the hash in the circle that it might rain. Co-hares Krusty and Master Beater started to worry, at least a little, as the sky turned black. At the start of the run, it was pissing rain, then it stopped for awhile, but then the skies opened up with a vengeance.

The drowned-rat hashers found their way back to the parking lot at the end of Elbow Drive, many changed into dry clothing, and headed to On the Rocks Pub and Grill, where virgin Guest RA Rag Head handed out down-downs. For instance:

• Elderly curmudgeonly dog-hating hasher Whale Wanker drank a half-yard for his 700th run, and certainly took his sweet time about it — his Alzheimer's apparently causing him to forget that he needed to finish his beer by closing time. Mr. Wanker also was cited for tripping on an eenie-teeny rock, then he forgot to take the rock home with him.
   
• Pink Meat got a down-down for her 50th run, and was rewarded with a mug — reaching the milestone just a bit before Master Beater, much to his hyper-competitive chagrin. Ms. Meat battled the elements while wearing a raincoat that looked like a condom, which somehow escaped the attention of the guest RA. Rookie mistake, no biggie.
   
• Randy Bastard was beside himself with joy since he got to dump both Hash Thingies he won at the previous run. One went to the long-lost Dickens Cider, who arrived late to the circle while riding a beat-up mountain bike that her brother had bequeathed her (obviously, there was no helmet in the deal). And the second went to Pull My Woody, who changed clothes, dried off, and left his running shoes in the Fish Creek parking lot.
   
• Mr. Woody, Abandoned Pussy and Rusty Dick got a down-down for a sexual offence that was too digusting to talk about, even by lax hash standards.
   
• Randy Bastard and Oh No Deposit drank for going on some old peoples' bus tour that showed off the seedy sides of Calgary — Forest Lawn, PakiLand in the northeast and places like that. After the tour, they all went to the Calgary Rotary Club and exchanged cookie recipes and gardening tips.
   
• The choir — Chick Lick, Porta Party and Dreary — was special, in a Special Olympics sort of way. Ms. Lick, aka Lady Gag Gag, was especially offensive, er, talented. Or something.

As the evening ended, hashers squished their way to the door, hoping that their shoes would dry out in time for the next hash.

Maybe it'll happen, maybe not.

On-On!

Duke of Hurl

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