Run #1525 - Rain on Randy B's Parade

July 19, 2010

Hares: Randy Bastard
Where: JJ's Bar & Grill
Big Rock: not swill, but not cheap
Attendance: 36

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Randy Bastard used less chalk than teacher Abandoned Pussy does when she writes her class' morning assignment on the board, which is a pretty good trick since Mr. B's trail was, oh, about 20km long.

And if he said "Oh, that mark was there till the rainstorm washed it away" once, he said it 587 times and counting. Then again, why didn't it erase all the marks?

Welcome to Mr. Bastard's World, where no trail is too long and as long as everyone makes it back by sunrise, it's all good.

For his selfless devotion to chalk conservation, and GPS distances be damned, Randy B won not one, but two Hash Thingies for his efforts, much to the delight of previous recipients Snevil and Sucks Everything.

Sucks had thought about adding his Best of Lilith 2010 CD to the award, but decided that he can't get enough of uterus rock. Maybe next time.

Hashers gathered on a cool, cloudy, windy un-July-like evening at JJ's Pub & Grill & Tattoo Parlor & Pool Emporium in a feeble attempt to follow a trail set by Mr. Bastard, who thought he might earn a Hash Thingy if he just had the pack follow the previous week's trail backwards.

Instead, he outsmarted himself and got two, which should dramatically improve his upper-body strength after he carries them on trail next time.

See, there's a positive in everything.

Hashers eventually made their way back to the bar after the circuitous route that went almost as far west as the ski jumps at Canada Olympic Park and north to the middle of the Bow River, or maybe it just seemed that way.

After the M-word-like experience, Guest RA Duke of Hurl handed out down-downs, while Diana Doss and the Dupremes — aka Chick Lick, Booty Camp and Peeler — sang backup, more or less. For example:

Dirty Church Mouse, who can be sneaky if she's given half a chance, tried to pawn off a Hash Thingy or two on neophyte hashers Donna and Trevor. But the relative newbies were smart enough to just say no to Ms. Mouse's con job.

So Randy Bastard and DC Mouse left the bar with the awards in tow, looking forward to getting rid of them and hoping the next guest RA doesn't remember their pathetic, underhanded attempt at chicanery.


Duke of Hurl

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