Run #1525 - Rain on Randy B's Parade
July 19, 2010
Hares: Randy Bastard
Where: JJ's Bar & Grill
Big Rock: not swill, but not cheap
Click here for Photos!
Randy Bastard used less chalk than teacher Abandoned Pussy does when she
writes her class' morning assignment on the board, which is a pretty
good trick since Mr. B's trail was, oh, about 20km long.
And if he said "Oh, that mark was there till the rainstorm washed it
away" once, he said it 587 times and counting. Then again, why didn't it
erase all the marks?
Welcome to Mr. Bastard's World, where no trail is too long and as long
as everyone makes it back by sunrise, it's all good.
For his selfless devotion to chalk conservation, and GPS distances be
damned, Randy B won not one, but two Hash Thingies for his efforts, much
to the delight of previous recipients Snevil and Sucks Everything.
Sucks had thought about adding his Best of Lilith 2010 CD to the award,
but decided that he can't get enough of uterus rock. Maybe next time.
Hashers gathered on a cool, cloudy, windy un-July-like evening at JJ's
Pub & Grill & Tattoo Parlor & Pool Emporium in a feeble attempt to
follow a trail set by Mr. Bastard, who thought he might earn a Hash
Thingy if he just had the pack follow the previous week's trail
Instead, he outsmarted himself and got two, which should dramatically
improve his upper-body strength after he carries them on trail next
See, there's a positive in everything.
Hashers eventually made their way back to the bar after the circuitous
route that went almost as far west as the ski jumps at Canada Olympic
Park and north to the middle of the Bow River, or maybe it just seemed
After the M-word-like experience, Guest RA Duke of Hurl handed out
down-downs, while Diana Doss and the Dupremes — aka Chick Lick, Booty
Camp and Peeler — sang backup, more or less. For example:
- Dastardly, who has been known to bring trapped squirrels in a cage to
the hash and then setting them free, unveiled a new wrinkle: Bringing
his recycling to the dumpsters in JJ's parking lot. He's either Mr.
Green Jeans, or just kinda strange.
- Skewbic, aka The Annoying One, got down-downs for talking about the
importance of escorts on trail with Dr. Fill, and still mourning his
now-aerodynamic Ford Escort from the previous week's hailstorm. Get over
- Snevil was again awarded the Gargantuan Doorstop in honour of her
long-ago 400th run, which she has actually had in her house for the past
three years or so. Luckily, though, she was able to pass it off to Shack
Shock, who was observing her 400th run too. Shacky even got a lovely
purple jacket out of the deal.
- Randy Bastard also drank for his 250th run, which netted him an
exquisite, diamond-encrusted Rolex watch, or a reasonable knockoff
- Twisty and Trevor did down-downs for their walk down Memory Lane, when
they bored everyone around them to tears with stories about how they
attended the same elementary school, the same junior high, the same high
school, ad nauseam. They tried to downplay that they were also lovers in
- Abandoned Pussy and Rusty Dick were honoured with a down-down for
driving all the way to Ontario and back, and still remaining married.
They did admit, however, that their marriage was hanging by a thread
after being together in the car all that time.
- Maple and his booming voice, which can be heard two kilometres away
and often causes magpies to fall from trees, got a down-down. No word on
whether he plans to join the opera.
- Suck was awarded a down-down for trying to get as close to a Hummer as
he could. As usual, he failed.
- Shacky and Chick Lick could have gotten a down-down for lagging behind
as they stopped to admire rock gardens in hoidy-toidy hoods. But that
would have been too easy a target.
- Blue Balls drank for saying something funny about hanging out with
girls, but everyone was too shocked he tried to make a joke to actually
write it down. He hopes it'll at least attract the attention of writers
for Pauly Shore and Carrot Top.
Dirty Church Mouse, who can be sneaky if she's given half a chance,
tried to pawn off a Hash Thingy or two on neophyte hashers Donna and
Trevor. But the relative newbies were smart enough to just say no to Ms.
Mouse's con job.
So Randy Bastard and DC Mouse left the bar with the awards in tow,
looking forward to getting rid of them and hoping the next guest RA
doesn't remember their pathetic, underhanded attempt at chicanery.
Duke of Hurl
Click here for Photos!
Return to Calgary
Hash House Harriers' home page