Run #1517 - Can't We All Just Go A Long, Long Way?

May 31, 2010

Hare: Lost In Space
Where: Swan's
Big Rock: at happy hour prices!
Attendance: 40

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If he'd only have added a kilometer here and a kilometer there, Lost in Space's hash trail could have served as Calgary Marathon Day 2.

Who knew that Mr. Space knew the M-word route so well — running across the Calgary Zoo bridge, the opposite way from the marathon, check. Mandering past the south entrance to the zoo, just like the real race, check.

Not to mention running part of the marathon course in Bridgeland, and even crossing the route near the marathon start-finish line.

Oh, and taking hashers down the road toward the Bridgeland LRT station, just like the real runners had to do after their day concluded.

Yes, Lost summoned his inner skinny Kenyan — OK, no, not really — to construct a looooooooooooooong trail that left tongues hanging out and hashers wishing there was a beer stop somewhere.

Of course, Lost lubed up the hash in the circle with shots of Everclear, which serves as his mouthwash and can also run a jet airplane engine. It's two, two, two mints in one.

Everclear didn't help much when hashers were trying to navigate false trails that were about as long as the last leg in the Timbits Marathon, which was 1.2km.

At least it was an unseasonably cool evening, rather than scorching hot — all the better to give the marathoners, er, hashers a slight reprieve from Lost's particular brand of trail insanity.

After their trip around Bridgeland and heaven knows where else, hashers gathered in Swan's bar on 9th for down-downs handed out by Guest RA Chick Lick, who apparently was stood up by her close personal friend, Mucky "She's Dead to Me" Dip.

A visibly shaken and angry Ms. Lick then made an unfortunate choice for the choir, which included Randy Bastard, Dreary and Whale Wanker, who apparently was a failed opera singer in a previous life. Mr. Wanker's singing made more ears bleed than Celine Dion could ever hope to achieve.

There were plenty of reasons for Ms. Lick to hand out beer. Among them:

As the night wound down, Lost in Space was planning his next marathon training session, and figured the best way to do it was to make sure there was plenty of Everclear in his water bottles.

You know, just like normal.


Duke of Hurl

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