Run #1491 - The Holiday Hangover Hash
December 28, 2009
Where: Len's Den
Big Rock: Duh!
Click here for Photos!
Christmas and Boxing Day were in the rear-view mirror, and the Full Moon
hash and the New Year's Day Tacky Formal loomed on the horizon.
But, hey, it was still a chilly-but-not-frigid Monday, so it was time
for hashers to shake off their turkey-induced stupors and gather at
standby bar Len's Den on 16th Avenue NE to follow a snowy and icy trail
set by veteran hasher Hardly.
The Holiday Hangover Hash meandered on snow-covered streets kinda north
of the bar, past still-twinkling Christmas lights and back to the
basement of the Ambassador Motor Inn megaplex, where mass quantities of
beer, wings, pizza and uber-salty fries awaited.
Guest RA Duke of Hurl handed out down-downs while Hardly and Rubber Made
served as the choir. Think Sonny and Cher, although both hash singers
are still alive, didn't ski into a tree and have had way less plastic
surgery than Cher, thank goodness.
There was no shortage of offences, that's for sure. For instance:
- Master Beater and Pink Meat became the proud co-owners of the Hash
Thingy, which Rubber Made thought looked like a cross between the
Olympic torch and a penis. Doesn't everything?
It seems the Beater-Meat combo kinda blamed each other for the strap
disappearing from the Thingy, so they'll have more time to fight over it
and decide who carries it next time.
- Sticky Lips got a down-down for spending $2,200 on Gucci and Louis
Vuitton ski equipment, and being forced to announce that to pay for it,
she'll be skipping the next 733 hashes.
- Shutter Slut, president and CEO of Geeks R Us, was forced to drink for
blowing off the Boxing Day hash and instead paying $16 to see Avatar,
which his inner Roger Ebert didn't think was all that great.
- Speaking of geeks, Dirty Dancer was outed by his snitchy wife,
Mouthful, for being really, really crappy at dealing cards, which
brought hoots of approval from hashers who have actually tried to play
cards with Mr. Dancer.
- Hash archive Maple would have gotten a down-down — if he hadn't
skipped post-run festivities — for yelling incessantly on trail and
somehow being lured by a mysterious magnetic field to a liquor store
when true trail was marked on the other side of the street.
- In the repeat offender category, Pink Meat got to drink again for not
being able to perform the Bum Titty song for the umpteenth time, and
Sticky Lips quaffed another for some rather pointed remarks about
tampons. And, no, she didn't suggest that Stephen Harper and Ed
Stellmach wear them.
- Lest we forget, Master Beater also drank for dressing like a refugee
from a failed audition for the Blue Man Group, minus the body paint,
- Skewbic got a down-down, not for his food scavenging abilities that'll
come in handy if he ever loses his job and ends up panhandling, but for
treating the hash as a triathlon. It seems Skoob wore a hat during the
hash that was more suitable in the swimming portion of a tri.
- Sucks Everything had to drink for annoying the entire walking pack,
prompting them to short-cut the trail, just so they could get away from
him. Sounds about right.
- Whale Wanker made a return visit to Calgary from his BC McMansion, and
mercifully, was wearing more than his ratty 70s running shorts. He
completed his ensemble with a hideous pair of putrid purple tights,
which, believe it or not, came from a hash relay team in 1993.
- Lost In Space finally sobered up from the Green Riders' heartbreaking
Grey Cup loss long enough to spill beer on the floor, a blatant example
of alcohol abuse. He would have gotten the Hash Thingy, but he wouldn't
have returned it for at least six months, so Duke went to Plan B.
- Duke neglected to suggest a moment of silence for Connie Hines, who
played Carol Post, the wife on Mister Ed, the early-to-mid-60s TV show
about a talking horse. Hines, who's best-known line was "Lunch is
ready", was 79. Alan Young, who played Wilbur Post, who regularly
conversed with Ed, is still alive at age 90. Ed died in the 70s.
Duke of Hurl
Click here for Photos!
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