Run #1463 - A Fishy Stampede Story

July 11, 2009

Hare: Hyena and a floating Skewbic Hare
Where: Hansons Outfitters River House
Big Rock: in Pony kegs. It's Stampede after all!
Attendance: 38

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The Calgary Hash convened at Hansons Outfitters River House on Saturday afternoon, the first truly summery day for quite some time, for our annual Stampede Hash. Camping Hashers set up their tents....some more Taj Mahal-like than others....and had a couple of pre-run libations. We also extended a warm welcome to visiting hashers, Party Pumper and Snow Job, to our most excellent summer outing.

Before long, co-hare Hyena gave the safety rundown, warning everyone of cougars, coyotes, and horny wild bulls, before starting off with Skewbic Hare on their live hare hash. We all shivered in anticipation as the hares also promised 3 regroups! As we gave them their 8 minute headstart, Dreary led a singalong of some truly classic (read: ridiculous) hash songs (something about a rangadangadoo?).

Then, we were off, following the trail through a truly bucolic setting, over hill, over dale....across the Bow River a couple times (pretty deep in spots for our more vertically-challenged cohorts)...past several fisherman...through stinging nettle....across barbed wire fences with "no trespassing" signs...there was quite a bit of bushwhacking, enjoyed by all I'm sure. Soon enough, we found ourselves running back from our starting point at the River House, and beyond. We all wiggled past a very steep fence, and made our way down to the riverbank, where the path was narrow to say the least. Several intrepid hashers decided to eschew land & opted to float down the Bow to the "first" regroup, which proved effective, yet nipple-hardeningly cold. This, of course, did not apply to Skewby, as he did his best Popeye impersination by paddling by in a dinghy. Unfortunately for him, upon arrival at Policeman's flat for the regroup, his co-hare helped him out of his dinghy....and right into the drink. Everyone seemed much more concerned about getting the beers that fell out of the boat than the guy that did the same.

We enjoyed a refreshing bevvie, relaxed for a few minutes, as we prepared to keep following trail to the as-promised 2nd & 3rd regroups. Much to our chagrin, we were then informed by our co-hares that we had already passed the first 2....the first one was for the hares only, and the second was for anybody who took the opportunity to stop back at base camp for a quick one. Duped! Our consternation was short-lived, and we all meandered our way back to the house to get out of our wet things & begin the festivities.

Mike Hawk, Snowblower, and yours truly, BootyCamp, revealed their secret Stampede drink to Brokeback Mount Me, as promised (she waited very patiently, I must say, & never ever tried to weasel the secret recipe out of her drinking pals). The foursome made a British pub fave, the Snakebite & Black, and was thoroughly enjoyed by all. (Recipe available upon request).

We moved on to the Down-downs with our illustrious RA, Bobbin Robin, accompanied by a choir consisting of Auntie Frank, Party Pumper, Limp Dick, and Sticky Lips...

Dreary got the first down-down for going commando (and giving us a peek of his fishbelly-white ass under that sarong), and entertained us with a little pole dancing. Personally, Dreary, I wouldn't quit my day job if I were you.

Sucks got the next for being a drunken oaf right out of the gates. As time went on he was joined by fellow oafs but he definitely won the award for being the drunkest, fastest.

Our visitor, Snow Job, was rewarded for his 50th run. Congrats. Get a life!

The team of River Floaters (Brokeback Mount Me, Happy Beaver, BootyCamp, Mike Hawk, Bobbin Robin, and Dastardly) got down downs for bravely jumping in the frigid waters of the Bow.

Pull My Woody, Snow Job, Bobbin', Rubbermade, & Dastardly shared a down down for their shared love of ball collecting.

Hardly & Twisty were then awared some swanky new running jackets for completing their 700th runs. Get a life, you two! Congrats.

Then, we found ourselves at the moment Lost In Space has been eagery anticipating for some months....would he finally be rid of the hash shit? Had anyone committed an offence so devious it was hash-shittable? The answer was clearly yes, as our beloved RA freely admitted what a doofus he was: as he prepared to leave his home in the city, he thought about Hardly & Twisty's 700th runs, looked at the Beer Yard Glasses, said to himself, "don't forget the yards!", reminded himself of the necessity of the yards....then left without them. An honourable move, to admit his shortcomings by awarding himself the hash shit. Well done, sir.

There ended the Down Downs...part one. Bobbin took his leave of us. Hyena spontaneously awarded a post-down-down down down to Dr Phil for best T-Shirt EVER...then we collectively decided that Down Downs, part two, were called for. Erstwhile RA Dr. Phil stepped up (sans his horned headwear, alas), along with the reunited Lumby Dancers, to dole out the 2nd round (all while thwarting an attempted pantsing by Party Pumper & Rubbermade, kindred-spirit troublemakers):

Auntie Frank & Snowblower drank for marking their own trails....if you know what I mean. Oh well, they're guys; the world is their urinal.

Our beloved Skewbic Hair revealed that he was celebrating a birthday. Rubbermade, Sexcellent, Hash Test Dummy, & Happy Beaver decided to give him the traditional birthday bumps. It was a short-version bumping; the ladies didn't have the kind of time to finish that job. Time was a-wastin' & dinner was on the make...

Early Birthday down downs were doled out to fellow hashers, King Shit & Baby. The bump crew were all worn out from the Skewbie effort, so no bumps for these two guys....sorry, dudes.

Sexcellent then regaled us with a tale from the trail, about how chivalry is not dead....White Balls stopped to ostensibly tie Sexcellent's shoelace for her...little did she know that he was just trying to get a peek up her shorts.

To finish off, down downs were awarded to all who hadn't recieved a down down at all...and a couple that had, but Dr Phil hadn't noticed. By this time, much alcohol had been consumed, the songs were less and less coherent, & Sucks Everything was acting more like a complete idiot with every passing moment. We all headed to the kitchen for some grub, which was absolutely deeeee-lish! A big shout out to the dinner crew; they all did a wonderful job. The chow was enjoyed by all, as evidenced by the sudden silence that descended across our group. Oh wait, that may've just been because Sucks had passed out with his dinner plate on his lap. Ohhhhh....all tuckered out, eh, Sucks? Falling down drunk on the picnic table can really take it out of a guy.

As we finished dinner, the drinking began in earnest, and much fun was had by all.....sorry, folks, this is where your Scribe gets a little hazy. I do remember Hyena joining Sucks in the "falling down drunk" club, and I also remember drinking quite a few pints of Snakebite & Black, and being very glad we'd set the tents up previously. It was a beautiful evening, the kegs were flowing, and I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say that much fun was had by all....except for maybe Sucks, who had disappeared after his mid-dinner nap.

In the morning, we all enjoyed a wonderful breakfast (again, thanks go out to all the chefs; it was fantastic)...we were a slightly quieter group in the am (oh....hang on....Sucks was strangely absent at breakfast; that might've had something to do with it!). Coffee and Bailey's served as hair-of-the-dog for most, and didn't Hyena Junior/Kevin look so cute in his little green PJs? Awwwww.

I did overhear Party Pumper mention casually over her burrito that she had misplaced her pants the previous evening....the surest sign of a freaking great party.

On-On!

Booty Camp


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