Run #1458 - Lickety Split

June 8, 2009

Hare: Mucky Dip
Where: Woody's Taphouse, C-1919 Southland Drive SW
Big Rock: Sexier than a medical isotopes shortage
Attendance: 32

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It was a performance that made 100-metre and 200-metre world recordholder and Olympic gold medalist Usain Bolt green with envy: RA Bobbin blasting through hash business in nine minutes flat, then rocketing out the door 2:24 later.

"Man, that was fast," the Jamaican said in a telephone interview just before his latest race in Toronto. "Never seen anything like that before. And I thought I was flying in Beijing, whew, I'm not sure I could keep up with that old dude."

The Bobbinator crushed his previous record by 2:48, and left hashers stunned by his swiftness, even though the depth of his material may, um, have left a little to be desired — archives, someone followed Snevil, blah, blah.

King Shit, for instance, was deeply disappointed that he has to carry the Hash Thingy for another week, only because Bobbin left without awarding it to someone else.

When Mr. Shit, who actually carried it for once, tried to stop Bobbin to tell him of the oversight, all he saw were scorch marks from the RA's beeline to the parking lot. Wow, that's impressive.

Who knows what caused the speedy performance? Was it the cool, windy June evening that provided extra energy? Was he still frozen from the weekend snow, hail, rain, wind, cold, frogs, locusts and whatever else? Was his electronic ankle bracelet turned on high?

No telling, since the RA was unavailable for comment, whoosh.

Hashers gathered at Woody's Taphouse on Southland Drive to follow a trail set by Mucky Dip and Chick Lick, although Ms. Lick considered her quilting class more important than the hash, so she didn't actually show up during the hash to do the trail.

Chick Lick made an appearance at the bar a couple hours late, apparently thinking the hash was taking place on Alaska time. Oh, that's right, the quilting bee.

Hashers managed to work their way up this street and down that one, in places such as Palliser and Pump Hill, where sweating is not allowed. Neighbourhood ordinance says those cretins who are exercising must either perspire or glisten, not sweat. Dripping on a sidewalk is punishable by a $500 fine.

Thankfully, no hashers were cited.

Everyone eventually found their way back to the bar, which is featuring a tribute show to Elvis, Marilyn Monroe and Shania Twain, all apparently performed by the same guy.

Let's see, which one of the three doesn't fit? Would it be Shania's alive and the other two aren't? Elvis is a guy and the other two aren't? Two are actors and one isn't? The list goes on.

While pondering the questions, hashers scarfed down beer specials, as well as perogies, dry ribs and munchers, which had nothing to do with carpet munching, believe it or not.

In setting his world record, Bobbin rejected at least half a dozen down-down suggestions from hashers. Among the Bottom 6:

In other developments:

On-On!

Duke of Hurl


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