Run #1410 - Kensington Portugese Festival, The Olympic Edition

August 11, 2008

Hares: Kebab and Pee-on
Where: Sam's Bar and Grill, 1167 Kensington Crescent NW
Big Rock: $12 Jugs
Attendance: 44

Click here for Photos!

Another hash quiz, Olympic edition — and then some:

The only thing more confusing that kinda-sorta-maybe solo hare Kebab's trail-marking system is

  1. The Chinese alphabet, if China actually had an alphabet, which it doesn't
  2. Trying to understand the rules and scoring system of Olympic fencing
  3. Attempting to figure out why judo athletes compete in their bathrobes
  4. Nothing

Pee-On actually had agreed to co-hare with Kebab and helped mark the trail, but then skipped out on the hash because

  1. Appearances notwithstanding, Pee-On truly hates Kebab with every fibre of her being
  2. She used up all her retainer fee marking trail and there was not enough under-the-table hash cash to get her to finish the job
  3. Pee-On has always dreamed, not of Olympic gold, but of becoming part of a Steve Winwood-Tom Petty sandwich
  4. Pee-On was mesmerized by the 5-feet-1 and 5-feet-2 Chinese men's synchronized divers who won gold, finally seeing Olympic athletes she could look in the eye — almost

Which is largest number:

  1. Gold medals that American swimmer Michael Phelps will end up winning, plus the number of athletes kicked out of the Games for performance-enhancing drugs, minus the combined heat, humidity and smog levels in Beijing
  2. Hash Thingies that Sticky Lips carried on trail
  3. Times that Kebab couldn't remember where the trail went
  4. French fries that King Shit took from Booty Camp without asking

CBC Anchor-Bot Peter Mansbridge is considering becoming a stand-up comedian when his TV contract expires next year. Since Peter isn't the, um, funniest guy around, he will consider which of the following as his comedy partner:

  1. Bernie Mac. Oops, too late. Scratch that
  2. Sinbad, or, as Brokeback calls him, the Black Carrot Top
  3. Dreary, because Mansbridge needs a straight man
  4. George W. Bush, because that clown will be unemployed soon, thank goodness

The gold-medal favourites in synchronized starving are:

  1. The Ethiopians
  2. The Sudanese from the Darfur region
  3. Chinese peasants
  4. Any women's Olympic gymnastics team

The most-obnoxious character in any Olympic TV ad on the CBC is:

  1. The Reactine Man, who drives around the neighbourhood and acts extremely proud of himself for some unexplained reason
  2. All the brats in the McDonald's commercials
  3. The little RBC guy in the blue suit, who saves everybody's day
  4. All the above

The play that was taking place at Prince's Island Park when hashers meandered by was:

  1. Shakespeare in the Park, as set in a 1950s-style diner
  2. Cats — Amid the Homeless
  3. Spamalot
  4. Mamma Mia

The hash choir — Peeler, Tastes Like Chicken and Sticky Lips — patterned themselves after:

  1. The all-white, soul-less version of Diana Ross and the Supremes
  2. The Spice Girls, minus 2
  3. Bananarama
  4. Nobody because it was special — in a Special Olympics, little yellow school bus sort of way

Kebab attempted to drink a half-yard for her 150th run, but then ran into a few, um, difficulties. The only worse performance was:

  1. The Chinese Olympic organizers who decided it was a good idea to fake some of the fireworks in the Opening Ceremonies
  2. The Spanish women's cyclist who tested positive for EPO and was disqualified
  3. The Dutch women's beach volleyball team, but, really, who even noticed how they played
  4. Jaws and Tiny Bubbles trying to practice synchronized diving off the tables at the Kensington bar after the run

Canada's 50-year-old female fencer and 57-year-old woman trapshooter were inspirational stories, even though they didn't win medals. The biggest lesson from their performances was:

  1. It shows that Olympic dreams are still alive for hashers such as Pyro and Mum
  2. No matter how old they are, well, they're still old
  3. Massive doses of Tylenol and Aleve don't necessarily win you a medal
  4. They'll never, ever get as much attention as the beach volleyball players

Biggest question in the Olympics:

  1. Can Canada actually win a medal or two or three?
  2. If Canadian swimmers keep setting national records, but get nowhere close to sniffing a medal, is that a good thing?
  3. Did the Chinese government really pull off the Opening Ceremonies without shooting any dissidents, just for sport?
  4. If rhythmic gymnastics is a sport, then why not Olympic Hashing?

On-On!

Duke of Hurl


Click here for Photos!

Return to Calgary Hash House Harriers' home page