Run #1386 - Saint Paddy's Day

March 17, 2008

Hares: Authentic Oirishmen Gromit and Kebab
Where: Big Rock Brewery, 5555-76th Ave SE
Big Rock: Every flavour imaginable
Attendance: 42

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It was little more than vicious rumour that Pyro actually helped St. Patrick chase all the snakes out of Ireland, or the drunken leprechauns out of Dublin, or whatever it was the Patron Saint of Green Beer did.

"Drunken leprechauns, now that's redundant," Pyro naid. "When I think of Ireland, I think of two words: Potato famine. I don't eat Lucky Charms cereal, and have never rooted for the Boston Celtics."

Pyro also vehemently denied that he was the Islamic terrorist who escaped from a Singapore prison and was the subject of a massive manhunt.

"Yes, I was in Singapore on a secret CIA mission, and, yes, I returned to Calgary about the same time as that guy escaped. But it wasn't me, I swear. And that's my story, and I'm sticking to it."

Pyro made the comments during an exclusive interview at the St. Pyro's, er, Patrick's Day hash at Big Rock Brewery, where he celebrated his 900th run in Calgary — which means he started just after World War II, or sometimes it only seems that way.

"That's a lot of down-downs and a ton of drunken revelry," Pyro said. "It's also $2,700 in hash cash. But what the hey. Getting the dancing hula girls plaque made it all worth it."

Hashers gathered on a blustery St. Pat's evening to follow a trail laid by tri-hares O'Kebab, O'Gromit and O'Flap Jack — all of whom claimed to be authentically Irish — through the finest industrial area that southeast Calgary had to offer.

Thankfully, no one was run over by all the tractor-trailers along the route, nor did anyone trip on train tracks or get crushed by a runaway locomotive.

Back at the grill, hashers dined on delicious beef on a bun, plump chicken wings, pizza, veggies and quesadillas, which definitely aren't Irish. Then again, neither was St. Patrick.

Oh, and Big Rock beer — lots and lots of Big Rock beer.

RA Dr. O'Fill put down his beer and food long enough to conduct business, which included, believe it or not, more beer.

Duke of Hurl

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