Run #1383 - On and On and On-On

February 25, 2008

Hares: Party Pumper and Snow Job
Where: Kokonut Kove
Big Rock: Why yes! I will have another
Attendance: 31

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Co-hares Party Pumper and Snow Job swore the route was only 6km or 7km, but perhaps Lithuanian kilometers are longer than Canadian ones. After all, the pack meandered through Forest Lawn, Dover, Chestermere, Okotoks, High River, Nanton, Fort MacLeod, and Lethbridge — with a checkback to the U.S. border crossing at Sweetgrass and Coutts.

Or was it one of those instances where you wake up the next morning and say: Did that really happen? Was it a dream? Or was it all just a drunken stupor?

Well, parts were real and other parts were open to interpretation as hashers gathered on a lovely late February night at Kokonut Kove, the cutesy-wootsy-named bar in the heart of one of Calgary's grittiest sections.

To put matters in perspective, Forest Lawn wouldn't even rate a blip on the radar screen of violence in innumerable American cities. But for Calgary, it's sorta bad. And on and on.

After what seemed like a five-hour trail — is it midnight yet? — hashers eventually found their way back to the Kove, where RA Dr. Fill handed out down-downs faster than breath mints disappear at a garlic festival. It was a special night, in oh so many ways. For example:

• Ex-RA Clueless got to take a walk down memory lane through the hood where she spent her childhood. There was the elementary school where she lost her virginity one spring day during recess. And the junior high where she witnessed her first drug deal. Not to mention high school, where drive-bys were just becoming popular.

  Ah, the memories.
   

• The all-woman choir — Rubber Made, Mucky Dip, Snevil and Sticky Lips — put on a performance reminiscent of the Go-Go's and Bangles in their hey-day, assuming the two girl groups had their vocal cords removed and were eating chicken wings during recording sessions.

  Maybe the pressure of singing on Beatle George Harrison's 65th birthday, as a photo of the young Fab Four stared from behind them, was too much for them. It had to be something.

  
   

• Hardly, aka Mr. Air Supply, took his musical duties seriously, appointing and anointing the choir, and even coming up with a new song that he enthusiastically handed out to the masses. Unfortunately, he misspelled masturbation. But he's learning.
   
• Speaking of masturbation, hasher Dan became Slippery Palms, then celebrated his new name by exposing himself in the bar, a move that even horrified long-time penis lover, Rubber Made.
   
• You knew it was a loooooooooooooong trail when co-hare Party Pumper was caught auto-hashing. About halfway through the trail, she emerged from a car and acted like a princess. Of course, she was greeted with hoots and derision, although not nearly enough.
   
• Somehow, Party Pumper escaped winning the Hash Thingy among a field of three really strong candidates, plus Fourgasm. Naturally, Fourgasm, who'd pretty much done nothing, was the overwhelming winner, or loser.

  But no worries, she was excited about getting the plunger, and promised to visit her favourite sex shop to get an appropriate item to add to it.
   

• Rubber Made got her silver mug for her 100th run, which actually happened around New Year's Eve. But close enough. She asked Duke of Hurl to skip the next 50 hashes so she could catch up to him, since they once had about the same number of hashes. Sure, no problem.
   
• It must be close to spring, because Baby showed up again. It also looked as though ex-U.S. Olympic figure skater Dorothy Hamill was there as a visitor, but it just turned out to be Baby and his new 'do.
   
• One good thing about a run that long, it's no problem to sleep well afterward.

Duke of Hurl

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