Run #1380 - Cherry Jubilee

February 4, 2008

Hares: Chick Lick & Mucky Dip
Where: White Hart Manor Pub
Big Rock: Traditional jugs $10, pints $3.50
Attendance: 26

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Depending upon one's perspective, Don Cherry is:

  1. a brilliant hockey analyst and Canadian treasure who brings all sorts of excitement and perspective to CBC's Hockey Night in Canada, or
  2. a self-promoting gasbag who's obnoxious schtick wears out after less than two minutes.

Or both.

Co-hares Mucky Dip and Chick Lick, known for their off-beat tributes to people such as Bob Marley, decided it would be a good idea to honour Cherry on his 72nd or 85th or 103rd birthday.

So they dressed in their best Cherry outfits — featuring his patented high collars and outlandishly colourful ties — and set a trail from White Hart Manor Pub, deep in the heart of SW Calgary.

It's not widely known, but they actually set the trail while driving, not running or walking. They used some excuse about asthma and cold temps — and maybe even laziness. Hey, whatever works.

As a backdrop, bar TVs showed the night's Battle of Alberta, in which the hated Edmonchuk Oilers thrashed the Flames 5-0 in Curtis Joseph's return between the NHL pipes.

Sadly, Cherry was nowhere to be found on the telecast, not that he's known for working on Mondays anyway.

In reality, the hash took place on the eve of Cherry's 74th birthday. Hardly, for instance, observed the occasion by wearing an oversized fake rose, similar to the real one Cherry usually wears in honour of his late wife, Rose.

It was a chilly, -15C night, and a bit of a breeze made it seem pretty raw. Fortunately, Mucky and Ms. Lick showed mercy and made the trail relatively short, so hashers could return fairly quickly to the bar, where they scarfed down plump, juicy wings and inexpensive pints of beer.

Skewbic, ever the trouper, served as guest RA at a moment's notice, or so he claimed while whining like a school girl. Was he auditioning to take over RA duties, again, when lame-duck RA Clueless steps aside? Hard to say.

Several hashers — Party Pumper, Bobbin, Snowplow, Skewbic, Sticky Lips, King Shit and others — were still recovering from a raucous, rowdy, drunken weekend ski trip to Castle Mountain, which had gotten about 200 cm of new snow in a week. The meteorological term for that is "holy crap".

At the hash, ski trip organizer Lay 'Em was nowhere to be found, nor was Hyena, who was quite the topic of conversation among those who made the trek. But since Hyena wasn't at the hash to defend himself .... well, dear reader, you'll just have to use your imagination.

On the bright side, none of the hash skiers showed up in body casts, so that's likely a good thing.

The ski trip, plus Don "Grapes" Cherry and general irascibility, provided Skewbic plenty of ammunition with which to hand out down-downs. Pretty much no one escaped unscathed — not even the unsuspecting Spawn of Skewbic and his girlfriend.

Ski Bunny Party Pumper and Ski Bunny Larvae Snowplow got nailed for some sort of Castle-related violation. All the Don Cherry Wannabes, who were too numerous to mention individually, each downed a beer. So did Rubber Made and Duke of Hurl, who were among those who hadn't been accused of anything.

Always looked as though he got Don Cherry's birthday confused with the New Year's Tack Formal Hash, but you never know. It eventually all blends together.

Big Country, Snowplow and Kebab were cited for their relatively bizarre idea that line dancing at Ranchman's is a good thing. Or they secretly want to audition for Canadian Idol.

But Big Country didn't mind drinking the beer, since it gave him a chance to toast his New York Giants and their massive upset over New England in the Super Bowl. The second-best part of the game was that Tom Petty's corpse only leaked embalming fluid twice during his halftime performance.

All in all, the hash was a fitting tribute to one of Canada's great characters, for better or worse.

Duke of Hurl


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