Run #1379 - Colder Than S***
January 28, 2008
Hare: Dr. Fill
Where: Darby Arms Pub, 380 Midpark Way SE
Big Rock: $12 jugs of Trad or 'Hopper
Attendance: 16
Temperature: -31C
Click here for Photos!
Today's quickie quiz — Dr. Fill and frigid hashes go together like:
- Hand and glove
- Super Bowl and beer
- Sleazy politicians and lies
- Tiny Bubbles and useless minutiae
- All of the above
The answer, of course, is E.
So it should come as no surprise that a hardy band of hashers was forced
to gather on a frigid late January night — think -30C temps and -40-ish
wind chill — to celebrate another of the Good Doctor's never-ending
list of birthdays.
It was reminiscent of the hash Dr. Fill hared on the November 2006
weekend of Kawky's memorial service, when it was just flat-out, bloody
freezing.
Exactly one year before Dr. Fill's latest foray into bringing an Arctic
experience to Southern Alberta, the high in Calgary was +5. But no such
luck this time.
How cold was it at the Colder Than Shit hash, which may have been the
second-coldest
in Calgary hash history, or at least honourable mention?
It was so cold that:
- For the first time ever, Xena walked into a room and the furnace
didn't kick on — but only because it already was furiously working
overtime to generate much-needed warmth.
Ms. Princess also claimed it was cold enough to make her nipples hard,
although there was no independent verification of her boast.
- Rubber Made skipped the hash so she could compete in an ice sculpture
contest in Lake Louise — as a frozen statue.
"I wanted to do something that was warmer," Ms. Made said. "It's so
cold, I don't even want to think about penises. Well, maybe ..."
- The Green Bay Packers Bikini Girls refused to attend the hash, saying
they could survive Ice Bowl II with only their skimpy yellow tops, but
no way could they handle Calgary's temps and wind chill.
"Our colour is yellow, not purple or blue," a Bikini Girls spokesman
said. "Maybe next time."
- No one, not even in the spirit of the missing Smirk or Pee-On, wore
shorts. And Dreary even put on a pair of sweat pants, although it was
unclear if they were over his hideously coloured tights.
- Many hashers stayed home and out of the cold, just so they could watch
Dubya Bush's final State of the Union speech. Some were hoping he could
duplicate his loopy 2004 effort, when he declared that steroids in
baseball and colonizing Mars were two of the greatest issues facing the
United States. History has certainly proven him right about that.
- It was so cold King Shit didn't even scam a ride. No, wait, some
things will happen even if and when Hell freezes over — and that's one
of them.
- Skewbic served as a pinch-hit guest RA with a minimum of whining, more
or less. The choir — the always-reliable Hardly and Dreary — managed
not to offend bar patrons too badly. In fact, a guy from New Orleans did
a down-down after he said he knew about a Red Dress run in Katrinaville.
- Duke of Hurl was forced to do a down-down after Skewbic thought he
heard the American say Mucky Dip looked like Dreary. What Duke actually
said, though, was that Ms. Dip looked weary after her latest trip across
the Pond, or wherever she went.
So they both drank, and neither complained. But Duke promised to work on
his Canadian accent, in order to prevent future communication
breakdowns.
- Happy Ending should have drunk after she fooled the administrators at
her school into thinking that her sorta-new car wouldn't start in the
frigid weather. Little did they know, she just felt like taking a day
off from all the little rugrats that populate her classroom and her
workaday life.
- It was cold enough that the guest RA suspended the quasi-rule against
wearing hats or toques while doing down-downs, an act of mercy for which
Kebab and Duke were most thankful.
As the night wore on, Dr. Fill looked back at all his weather-related
hash misadventures — the Kawky memorial hash, the CTS, the rainy
proctologist run in which all the marks got washed away, etc.
"I guess the weather gods just don't like me," Dr. Fill said with a
bemused grin.
No question about it. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Duke of Hurl
Click here for Photos!
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