Run #1377 - The Krusty Balls Adventure Run

January 14, 2008

Live Hare: Krusty
Where: Friar's - Glenmore Landing, 1600 - 90th Avenue SW
Big Rock: is the best
Attendance: 43

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As the old saying goes, certain things are mortal locks: Death, taxes, the sun rising in the East, the Flames gagging in the West, and a Krusty Trail providing unexpected twists, turns and mysteries without any clues.

And the Sinewy One certainly didn't disappoint in his latest effort.

Only this much was for sure: The live-hare trail started and ended at Friar's at Glenmore Landing on a mild, mid-January evening — hours before roaring winds and plummeting temperatures set in.

Beyond that, you were on your own. Oh, were you on your own.

A large chunk of the pack found marks that went south across SW 90th Avenue and into Pump Hill, aka Garish Village, where gas-guzzling SUVs, ostentatious mansions and snooty people are all the norm. You know, Skewbic's idols and where he wants to live someday.

But the trail was a little suspicious, simply because there were a fair number — say, five or six — chalk marks on light poles, all of which is very unlike Krusty, who likes to conserve chalk and flour at all costs.

Hmm, what's going on here?

But hashers trudged on, till they eventually found their way back to the bar.

Surprise, the actual trail went north from Glenmore Landing and near Rockyview Hospital before winding its way back to the bar from the other direction.

A determined few — the previously long-lost Spreadworthy, Swingin' Tail and a tiny number of others — actually went the right way accidentally, the way Krusty intended.

It seems the majority found a trail laid a couple months ago by Blue Balls, so the run became, almost by default, the First Annual Krusty Balls Adventure Run.

After all the holiday hoopla — the Christmas Eve Bulgarian dinner run, the Boxing Day hash, the New Year's Eve hash, the New Year's Tacky Formal, the Elvis Birthday Eve wing-ding — maybe Krusty's run needed a theme. Hey, whatever works.

Hashers eventually found their way back to the bar, where RA Clueless appeared again after a hiatus that included speech and acting lessons where she tried to learn how to project her voice during business. It's a work in progress. Meanwhile:

• Spreadworthy and Dirty Girl, aka the Bobbsey Twins, finally found their way back to the hash. Ms. Worthy was too busy working constantly on home fix-it projects, while Ms. Girl injured her foot and is wearing an air cast after she tried to help Lassie save Timmy from the well. Or she may have dropped a bowling ball on it, one or the other.

  

• Speaking of injuries, Shack Shock tumbled on the ice nanoseconds after telling Duke of Hurl: "Be careful of the ice." Ms. Shock fell on her arm and shoulder, but gamely trudged to the end, where she refused to ice it, despite repeated suggestions to do so.
   
• Serial wanderers Snevil and Wet One were back together again, although the trail was so confusing, even they gave up in exasperation. But Snevil, ever the optimist, was still carrying her raffle ticket from the previous week in her shoelaces, hoping to get lucky for once in her life.
   
• Jaws celebrated his 23rd going on 13th birthday with a down-down, minus his parental units, who reportedly were soaking up the sun and little fruity umbrella drinks on a Cuban beach. At night, Dreary and Mum were conducting a bedside vigil for Fidel Castro, who may or may not be dying.
   
• The best part about the performance of the choir — Hardly, Inspector Butt and King Shit — was that Whale Wanker wasn't in it. His vocal chords were still recovering from his abysmal, yet enthusiastic, performance at the Elvis Eve festivities.

  

• Smirk actually showed up, which was surprising because he was still in mourning after his beloved Indianapolis Colts suffered a stunning defeat to San Diego in the NFL playoffs. No word if Smirk and Wet One will be able to afford food this week after any possible gambling losses are added up.
   
• Bobbin was there too, although he wisely decided not to take a short cut from home across the iced-over Glenmore Reservoir — showing, for once, that even hashers sometimes have brains.
   
• Snowplow managed to hash after doing a 51K bike ride the previous day at The Rez, for some unexplained reason. Maybe three little kids and making sure Big Country stays on the straight and narrow isn't enough of a challenge.

Duke of Hurl

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