Run #1370 - The Booby Prize

December 3, 2007

Hare: White Balls
Where: Strathos' parking lot
On-In: Pete's Peanut Pub
Big Rock: Pete's gave a MUCH better price than Strathos, so we moved the On-In
Attendance: 24

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Needless to say, Rubber Made wasn't terribly pleased she received the Hash Thingy, calling it "the biggest injustice since either time Dubya Bush was elected U.S. president."

"It was the most horrifying thing I've seen since I once got a glimpse of Stephen Harper without his hairpiece, assuming that is a rug," Ms. Made said. "He looked like Dr. Phil. No, not our Dr. Fill, the real one. Or maybe I was hallucinating."

Rubber Made said her getting the dubious award "was a gigantic mistake. I wasn't insulting Sticky Lips' breasts, I was just telling the truth. She was laughing, I was laughing. But now I'm not laughing."

As hashers gathered on a cold December night outside Strathos bar near Bow Trail in SW Calgary — and hoping that a promised snap Chinook would arrive sooner rather than later — it was unclear who eventually would wrest the coveted prize from Sticky Lips, who was a stand-in for Tender Pecker.

Hashers trudged along snowy, hilly streets in the semi-upscale Strathcona hood, but no immediate answers were forthcoming. The tention mounted as the pack headed to Pete's Peanut Pub on Sierra Morena for the final verdict. Let Rubber Made take over the story from here.

"There were plenty of hashers, and others, who deserved it way more than I did," Ms. Made said. "For instance ..."

• Sticky Lips and Duke of Hurl — "They looked like a MASH unit, trying to hobble through their injuries, Sticky with her foot and Duke with his hamstring. All they needed were some head bandages — toques don't count — and they'd have been good to go."
   
• Tender Pecker — "I mean, the dude showed up, all ready to hash. But he forgot one thing — his running pants. So he took hash dog Oreo and went home. At least he didn't forget his shoes."
   
• Hardly and Jaws, the choir — "Weren't those new songs they were singing totally disgusting? OK, they were pretty funny. But still."
   
• Kebab and Flapjack — "What, was it too cold for them to run? Were they worried about freezing their toes off? And Kebab should have gotten it, just for not showing her with her twin, Pee-On."
   
• RA Clueless — "What with that Monday Night Football game and all the bar chatter, nobody could hear a word the woman said. I think the only reason I got the award was because my voice was the only one that could be heard."
   
• Randy Bastard — "He still clings to the hope that his beloved San Francisco Giants will win the World Series, even without drug cheat Barry Bonds. There's true fan, then there's delusional. Hello?"
   
• White Balls — "It was cute the way he got extra hits for Google, starting the run at one hard-to-reach bar and having the on-in at a place where they like to charge for a glass of water."
   
• The unidentified hasher — "You know, the one who left the bar without paying, which meant White Balls had to pick up the tab. Luckily, it was small enough where he didn't have to pay it off by washing dishes or picking up peanut shells off the floor."

"So see," Rubber Made said, "there were lots of candidates besides me. It's not whining, not at all. Just telling it like it is."

OK, Rubber Made didn't really say all those things. For the most part.

Duke of Hurl

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