Run #1367 - Grey Cup 2007: The Banjo Pickers' Incest Bowl

November 25, 2007

Hares: Knobslinger & Left Bun
Where: BunKnob Place, 57 Edgeridge Close
Big Rock: BYOBR
Attendance: 26

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Perhaps it was Canada's long-delayed response to Janet Jackson's Super Bowl Nipplegate, which sent shock waves across America and around the world — more or less.

Not since Dan Aykroyd showed ample butt crack while portraying a refrigerator repairman on Saturday Night Live had more b-crack appeared on television than when non-Canadian rocker Lenny Kravitz performed the halftime show at the Banjo Pickers Incest Bowl on CBC.

As a bonus to some and a horrifying display to others, Kravitz showed his in HDTV, so all of Canada and parts of the U.S. could see his pimples and dingleberries in crystal-clear, up-close-and-personal colour.

Oh, the humanity.

So which was worse, Nipplegate or Crackgate?

"I actually got kinda excited," said Sticky Lips, who's enough of a Kravitz fan to know that his late mother, actress Roxie Roker, was a regular on the Jeffersons, a 70s TV show. "Nipplegate was no big deal, except to a bunch of uptight American TV execs and politicians, which, of course, is a quintuple redundancy."

Thunder Tits was too engrossed in thinking about her upcoming Hawaiian wedding to put much thought into the question, saying: "Who's Lenny Kravitz? Whoever he is, at least he sounded better than the Black-Eyed Peas did at that other Grey Cup."

Oh, that's right, a football game actually took place that decided Prairie Supremacy between two teams, Winnipeg and Saskatchewan, both of whom don't have the most storied of histories.

Hashers gathered at Left Bun's and Knobby's NW palace and followed a trail here and there, up and down ravines, and here and there again before heading back to the manse for a lightning-fast business session conducted by Dreary, who received bad information that the game was starting earlier than it actually did.

Dreary slammed through business, and still had 23 minutes to kill before kickoff.

On one side, there was Winnipeg, aka the Dalai Lama's team, and on the other, the long-suffering Green Riders and their hordes of green fans who had nothing better to do than hitchhike to Toronto for the game.

The Riders managed to hang on 23-19, which, believe it or not, was a huge relief to King Shit, a major Blue Bombers fan.

"I promised my family and friends that I'd convert to Buddhism if the Bombers won," King Shit said. "After the Dalai Lama signed that Winnipeg helmet and football, they won a playoff game by two with no time left and upset Toronto. I figured maybe the old guy was good for another, so that's when I made my promise. That, plus I was drunk. Whew, that was close."

Winnipeg's loss was a huge disappointment to many female hashers, who thought emergency Bombers QB Ryan Dinwiddie had incredibly sexy blue eyes. Meanwhile, the guys rooted for a Rider defensive back named Johnson, who picked off three Dinwiddie passes.

Most of the crowd was able to stay awake till the end of the game, even after eating massive amounts of delectable lasagna, rolls and assorted munchies.

Although the Stamps weren't playing, the hash crowd was rather respectful of those who were rooting for either the Bombers or the Green Riders.

After all, maybe the Grey Cup was just those teams' rewards for waking up every day for six months in Regina and Winterpeg.

Duke of Hurl


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