Run #1349 - Hare Transplant

July 23, 2007

Hares: Lubricunt
Where: Bottlescrew Bill's, 140 - 10 Ave SW
Big Rock: Buzzard's Breath Ale - brewed by Big Rock
Attendance: 35

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You're not in Edmonton's River Valley anymore, Toto.

As a Calgary newbie, solo hare and ex-Edmonchuker Lubricunt probably needed some sound advice before he set trail amid the downtown hookers n' pimps n' crackheads.

A beer re-group inside the Mustard Seed? Probably not a good idea. Running down the LRT tracks, playing chicken with the train? Nah. Taking the trail across the Bow or Elbow rivers? Nope.

Instead, Lubricunt simply laid a long, long, long trail that never seemed to end on a hot and sweaty midsummer's evening. The noise from the hustle and bustle of downtown often drowned out hashers yelling on on. They did yell on on, didn't they?

There were crosswalk signs ignored, sometimes. Enough clothing strewn about that Dreary and others were considering new wardrobes. A narrow trail up a steep hill through the woods that featured Barry Bonds-autographed syringes. A beer re-group that was only rumour to about half the pack and reality to the rest.

But everyone eventually made it back to Bottlescrew Bill's on 10th Avenue SW for post-run mirth and merriment. For example:

In the circle, it looked as though a homeless Creature of the Night wanted to join the hash. Turns out, it was just Gromit, wearing a bandage on his finger and a sling made from his mother-in-law's dirty, rather large underwear.
Gromit told some unlikely story about cutting his finger, while Kebab, who secretly admires infamous pecker whacker Lorena Bobbitt, grinned maniacally.
Sticky Lips drank for running her first r-word ever in Crowsnest Pass, and not ending up in the emergency room afterward. She was also ecstatic not to be among the body count in the weekend Bears vs. Humans competition in the mountains.
Edmonchuk sympathizers Rubber Made and All Banged Up drank for, well, just being Edmonchuk sympathizers. Rubber Made is even returning to the Badlands of Wayne for the second time in three weekends, this time for the Edmonton hash's AGPU.
She's trying to convince Prince Harry to continue their fling, but, if that fails, may ride there with White Balls instead.
It's summer, which means traveling time for hashers. A visibly exhausted Mucky Dip just returned from the Pan Am Games in Brazil, where she tried to convince athletes to eat their squash. She was also relieved to make it safely through the Brazilian airport where planes kind of have a tendency to crash.
Cheap Whine returned to the hash after a holiday in British Columbia, where she engaged in all sorts of cross-training — drinking wine, biking, eating, drinking wine, etc.
Kebab and Pee-On were cited for refusing to turn around and go to the re-group, opting for the bar instead. But poor Clueless had to withstand the slings and arrows for Pee-On, who had left for the airport by the time her name was called. Clueless also got to drink for Pee-On, even though she hates beer.
What a trouper.
Randy Bastard didn't drink because he didn't do anything wrong, although that was only because he was pre-occupied with watching his idol, steroid-addled Barry Bonds, on TV, trying to get closer to Hank Aaron's all-time home run record.
Mr. B is a long-time San Francisco Giants fan, so he deserves some forgiveness for his misplaced sympathy for Bonds. On the bright side, he's definitely not a fan of dog-killing, evil, sociopathic Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick.
Astro Boy and Andrew were visiting from the Land Down Under, giving the hash the best Aussie accents since Billythong actually used to come out. Astro Boy wore flip-flops, which didn't make a whole lot of sense, but, hey, whatever works.
Lubricunt laid some rather strange-looking marks at times, but at least they weren't the logos for the Oilers or the Eskimos. Looks as though he's learning.

ON ON!
Duke of Hurl

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