Run #1309 - Winterpeg

One of Calgary's greatest problems, of course, is graffiti. It's even worse than murder, rape, robbery, drugs and traffic on Glenmore Trail at rush hour — or any other time — combined.

And who might be Calgary's biggest graffiti scofflaws?

Why, Stranger and Sexcellent, aka the Scourges of Hawkstone. Sure, it's hard to believe that such an innocent couple could attract the attention of the neighbourhood Graffiti Police. But they did, in spades.

But troupers that they are, the co-hares managed to pull off the Grey Cup hash without getting arrested or turned over to those whose sole purpose is to Keep Calgary Safe From Chalk Hash Marks. Then again, Ms. S swept the trail with spray bottle and cloth in hand, wiping away any evidence of a G or a check or checkback or anything else that the hoidy-toidy neighbours might find offensive.

They laid trail on a gorgeous, Chinook-fueled Sunday afternoon around their lovely North Calgary hood before the pack returned to eat chips, dips, chili, veggies, more chili and to drink beer — all while watching BC and Montreal on TVs stationed around the house.

Guest RA Twisty managed to end business just as the Grey Cup kickoff took place in lovely Winterpeg, where it was much colder than it was in Calgary. Here's a look at some of the sights and sounds:

• The CBC, in its infinite wisdom, managed to find a perfect spot to conduct Grey Cup pre-game interviews that summed up Winterpeg perfectly: Right in front of a mini-donuts trailer and a row of porta- potties. Welcome to Manitoba.
   
• Some of the BC and Montreal players were dressed as though they were playing the game north of the Arctic Circle, rather than where the game-time temperature was -1C. If you like field goals, this game was the one — seven, as opposed to two touchdowns and two safeties.
   
• Rumours were rampant that a streaker wearing nothing but a toque and a knee brace, and carrying a Big Rock beer, was spotted running across the field just before the Nelly "The Timbits Queen" Furtado's halftime show. It was known that King Shit attended the game, although Furtado's rather, uh, wide derriere prevented the CBC cameras from getting a closeup of the streaker.
   
• Noted non-football fans Lamb Chop and Skully actually won money in Hardly's somewhat crooked, or at least highly suspect, Grey Cup pool.
   
• Lumberjack, who's probably old enough to know these things, talked repeatedly about how great the Grey Cup rivalry was between East and West back when he was a boy in the 1920s, or one of those decades.
   
• Sticky Lips, an Alouettes fan, and Ben-wa seemed more concerned with whether football players had boffo physiques rather than what was happening during the game. They seemed to agree that the offensive linemen were big, fat pigs, but the wide receivers were to die for. Meanhile, Knobby expressed sympathy for anyone who'd been injured at any time in their lives.
   
• The game mercifully ended with BC coasting to a 25-14 win, but only after the Montreal coach pulled a bonehead move late in the game by not challenging a fumble call and leaving his team with no chance to come back.
   

So that was the 94th Grey Cup, which means it's 53 years older than the Super Bowl and 71 years older than the Calgary hash. On the bright side, at least the hash didn't take place in Winterpeg.

On On!
Duke of Hurl