Run #1300 - Licketty Lick, Twisted Chick

September 18, 2006

Hares: Twisted Sister, Chick Lick
Where: Bottlescrew Bill's, 140 - 10 Avenue SW
Big Rock: $9.99 per Jug!
Attendance: 41

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I've seen the needle and the damage done, a little part of it in everyone. But every junkie's like a settin' sun.

— Neil Young

1,300.

It's a lot, a whole lot — way more times than Rubber Made and Bobbin have sex every month, maybe. More often than Ms. Made says penis, thinks about penises and says f-off, combined, in a day.

It's higher than Sucks' IQ, times 100 or thereabouts. Or more cars than Kawky drives, then flips in a month of Sundays. To give some perspective on how many it is, Tiny Bubbles was honoured for his 650th, yet he has still missed 650.

Yes, the Calgary hash, going strong every Monday night since 1983, celebrated its 1,300th run at Bottlescrew Bill's in lovely downtown Junkieville, where co-hares Twisty and Chick Lick set a sometimes- scary, often-creepy trail.

Neil Young might have been singing about the needle and the damage done while wandering past the Mustard Seed, the hookers, winos and junkies that populate that section of downtown. It was so iffy, even Lamb Chop and Tiny Bubbles refused to troll for dates on trail, which goes to show that pretty much everyone has some sort of standard, low as it may be.

Four Teats promised Duke of Hurl that she'd protect him from the riff- raff and Creatures of the Night, but then went speeding off through the streets, the same way she did on her motorcycle ride from South Dakota, whenever that was.

Elwood, the Ever Vigilant Guard Dog, protected his mom and dad from the mean streets, as all good dogs should. Dreary used his hash horn to keep danger at arm's length. One hooker said it was the worst mournful sounds she'd heard since the used-car salesman gang-bang in 1988.

The news spread rapidly in the hood that those crazy people wandering the streets were running for beer, which made the street people happier than the city would be if the Flames won the Stanley Cup. Somehow, some way, the pack made it back safely to Bottlescrew's, where lame duck Rubber Made — say it loud, say it proud, one more year, one more year — conducted business for perhaps the penultimate time. The honour roll included:

On On!
Duke of Hurl


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