Hares: Dreary, Mum
Where: Fish Creek Park - Boat Launch
On-In: Lighthouse Pub, 1140 - 137 Street SE (in Deer Run)
Big Rock: $11-ish per jug
Attendance: 32
Perhaps it was simply a warning shot of sorts, a newcomer's initial attempt to chip away at Dreary and Mum's standing as charter members of the Value Village Clothing Hall of Shame, er, Fame. If nothing else, Easy Drunk's black-and-white, cow-spangled knee socks -- or were they actually Dalmatians -- caused a bit of a stir as hashers gathered on a cool almost mid-June evening in Fish Creek Provincial Park.
Her socks, combined with the co-hares' typically hideous matching tights, prompted geese to drown themselves in the nearby Bow River, which was running high and fast and led to quick and painless deaths. God covered His/Her eyes in horror. Value Village, the Abercrombie & Fitch for the homeless, dimmed their lights and refused to admit customers. Tommy Hilfiger's head exploded.
In true Dreary and Mum fashion tradition, Easy Drunk actually liked her socks, but RA Rubber Made -- back after a brief mysterious hiatus to some South American banana republic -- didn't, and rightfully made the newcomer drink a down-down.
But there were other down-downs and sins of commission and omission as well. Among them:
In case anyone wondered, she was named at the previous day's Rocky
Mountain hash after semi-foolishly mentioning that her dog was Sir
Licks-A-Lot.
 
The guy was shot in the head, and Dreary turned off the car's ignition, then called police. If anyone has further questions, Dreary said they should contact Duke, aka Baghdad Bob, who was just hired as Dreary's spokesman for any murder questions.
Dreary's relief occurred 12 years to the day after O.J. Simpson
didn't stab two people to death in suburban Los Angeles. It appears
as though Dreary's 'If the tights don't fit, you must acquit' defense
carries at least as much weight as Simpson's.
Either that, or the police would never suspect that a killer could
dress that badly.
 
As the night ended, Easy Drunk was still proudly wearing her socks, and Dreary and Mum still had their tights -- and all was pretty much right with the world, at least for the moment.
On On!
Duke of Hurl