Run #1284 - Evil, Evil, Evil Shit or... What Day is This?

June 6, 2006

Hares: Snevil, Sqevil, Blevil & King Shit
Where: Confederation Park, 7 St & 30 Av NW
On-In: Kits on 16th, 720 16th Ave NW
Big Rock: Trad and Honey Brown at a sinfully low price
Attendance: 41 souls

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In the end, all the 666 stuff was just hype and hot air and meant little more than the numbers were the first three in the zip code for Topeka, the Kansas capital that -- come to think of it -- has been compared to Hell on earth.

Oh, sure, there were signs that Satan was performing his handiwork amid the crowd who gathered at Confederation Park for the Calgary hash's Very Special and Possibly Unprecedented Tuesday Instead of Monday Edition. For instance:

• What else could explain King Shit's math brain cramp in which he tried to show that 2 + 8 + 4 = 6 + 6 + 6? Uh, it took a minute for him to figure out that 14 does not equal 18, even on the Devil's Day.

  The white ribbon he won in the Manitoba Special Olympics math competition seemed oh so many years ago and oh so far away.
   

• Or how co-hares Snevil, Squevil, Bleevil, Boll Weevil and King Shit -- aka the Beelzebubbleheads -- could set a trail that sometimes left even the Deevil, er, Devil himself more than a little confused?
   

OK, so there wasn't really a creek crossing near the community centre, and the U-turn through the 10th Street tunnel was OK. Snevil kept reminding the hash that she knew nothing about the trail, which, on second thought, isn't that unusual at all.

Hashers attempted to follow a pitchfork-laden trail in the neighbourhoods near Confederation Park, or actually a trail with pictures of pitchforks -- except for Bobbin, who had a real devilish one.

Luckily, he didn't stick anybody.

• The co-hares were resplendent in their red horns and tails, and promised to donate their outfits to the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus Museum in Sarasota, Florida. They also pledged to produce gallons and gallons of their tasty evil sangria for future hashes.

  All right, not really, darn it.
   

• On the bright side, the evening provided a glimpse of what Hell might look like -- being trapped in a small metal room for eternity, listening to Dreary and Jaws conduct high-decibel, blah blah blah debates about not much of anything on an endless loop.

  Rumour has it that most ear plugs don't work in Hell.
   

• Satan obviously had no role in Skewbic's driving ability or his tradition of rarely arriving in the circle on time. The Saabmeister and his Mickey Mouse gadgets were late again, and he almost tore out the underside of his car trying to park.

  But the circle just kept rolling along without him, sort of like the parents in the restaurant who try to pretend the unruly child isn't there.
   

• Guest RA Twisty encountered the rudeness of some hashers -- was Rubber Made kidnapped by Satanic forces? -- who wanted to talk and not pay attention during hash business. The devil must have made them do it, Twisty said.
   
• Lumberjack, who denies being possessed by demons, tried to make the entire mismanagement do a down-down for violating the hash tradition of running every Monday night at 7 since 1947, or something like that.

  LJ's observations sparked a heated debate amid the crowd, unbending tradition vs. those who handle change well.

  Two who rigidly followed tradition were Tiny Bubbles and Whale Wanker, who thought the hash was on Monday night. Wanker showed up while the co-hares were setting trail 24 hours ahead of time, and couldn't figure out where the circle was.

  Oops.
   

• More good news: The Anti-Christ was nowhere to be found on trail, unless, of course, you include King Shit, who sometimes fancies himself as the A-Christ.

  Nor was there an Apocalypse or Armageddon or anything like that, although fans of the Edmonton Fossil Fuels hockey team -- or should they be the Edmonton Ethanols? -- were wondering about demon forces after their goalie shredded his knee and the club choked away a three-goal lead in Game One of the Stanley Cup Finals.
   

• Rest assured to those who were worried about it, the hash returns to its normal Monday slot on June 12.

R.I.P., Billy Preston

On On!
Duke of Hurl

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