Where: Dastardly's Domain, Readwood Meadows
Big Rock: Trad and Honey Brown
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Regardless of what some Calgary hashers might think, Redwood Meadows isn't on the far side of British Columbia, doesn't require a passport to travel there, and bears don't aimlessly wander the streets -- most of the time.
"We haven't seen a bear since last Friday, when one was following the school bus, looking for stragglers," co-co-co-co hare Dastardly said, flashing his trademark wacky, over-the-top, outrageous sense of humour.
But 31 hashers who trekked to the wilds of Redwood Meadows in the shadows of the Rockies managed to avoid getting eaten by bears, or any other forms of wildlife, much to everyone's relief.
Some left as early as Sunday for the arduous journey to the lush, bucolic, idyllic setting.
Quickie quiz for those who didn't make it:
Which river flows past Redwood Meadows?
- The Bow
- The Elbow
- The Nile
- The Mississippi
- The North Saskatchewan
Those who survived the journey to the circle -- which took place in the DastardDuty Dome's garage because of intermittent raindrops -- were treated to a sometimes-muddy, often-wet trip through the woods, over large rocks along the (blank) river and back again.
It left hashers such as Shack Shock in slack-jawed wonder at the beauty of the setting.
"It's so gorgeous,so beautiful, so wonderful," said Shack Shock, sounding like a tourist who then began babbling almost as incoherently as Lamp Chop always does.
Back at the Dome, Dastardly and Duty Free were gracious enough to allow the rag-tag band of hashers inside their home, where smokies and beer were consumed in mass quantities.
Madame Made the RA was a late scratch, and there were children present, so the sex-related talk and profanity was kept to a relative minimum during business, sort of. But there were plenty of reasons for down-downs, including:
Blue Balls, on the other hand, managed to escape guest RA Duke of Hurl's notice when he was wearing socks that bore holes in both heels.
Quite the fashion plates, they were. Sartorial eloquence at its finest
-- in a downtown southeast Calgary, Creatures of the Night sort of way.
Believe it or not, the Inspector Clouseau Brigade actually found the
glasses after a lengthy search about 200 metres from the end. The
glasses were tri-focals, which apparently means he can see men, women
and animals, or do men, women and animals -- or something.
Since the King wasn't given a breathalyzer test before the hash, it was
unclear what caused the problem.
No one disputed their contentions, so they 'won.' Somewhere in the Great
Beyond, Christopher Columbus and Captain Cook wept.
Then again, if Mucky got a loonie for every time Skewbic made her turn
red, she'd be Mrs. Bill Gates, or a reasonable facsimile thereof.
Pity the river wasn't closer so Lamb Chop could have gotten an
ultra-cold bath to calm him down a bit.
At night's end, Dastardly still had 40 smokies left. On the bright side, he knows what his kids will be eating for lunch for the rest of the school year.
Duke of Hurl
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