Hares: Billythong, Limp Dick
Where: Mug's Pub, #8, 1330 - 15 Ave SW
Big Rock: Cheap Jugs, $4 Mugs
Attendance: 43
It reminded perpetual honeymooners and lovebird co-hares Billythong and Limp Dick of their recent idyllic sojourn to the Dominican Republic -- minus pristine Caribbean beaches, stifling humidity, street beggars and wild sex, of course.
Of course.
But 43 hashers -- one more than the previous week -- gathered on the hot pavement outside Mugs bar on 15th Avenue SW, assuming they found a parking spot in time.
Luckily, Calgary's spectacular Flameout in the NHL playoffs probably freed up some spaces in the area, which likely would have been even more crowded with revelers from the nearby Red Mile.
Thank heaven for small favours.
So hashers ran, walked and jogged -- and in Smirk's case, even auto-hashed part of the trail -- through nearby neighbourhoods before meandering back to Mugs, where beer flowed and questions abounded. Such as:
There was some debate about whether Kebab was dressed as a school crossing guard, a prison inmate, a construction worker, a trash collector or some supermodel on acid.
"You could land a 747 wearing that thing," one hasher said, before turning his eyes away in horror.
Kebab's taste in clothing even drew unflattering comparisons to Dreary, not exactly known for his fashion sense in tights and hash attire.
Kebab capped her evening with a rather horrendous -- yet joyous -- song-and-dance serenade of Bobbin with the When the Red Red Robin song. Unfortunately, she didn't reach the throbbin' line before forgetting the words.
Maybe next time.
Perhaps he was just overly excited about the new company he formed with
Lamb Chop, giving high-decibel, unintelligible speeches for the hard of
hearing as part of the Alberta Assisted Living Speakers' Bureau.
Oh, well, next time for those things too.
Where in the world were they? Did they disappear between the circle and hash business, kidnapped by aliens? Were they checking out sewing patterns at Ms. Tail's nearby store? Did they go for a spin in one of Mr. Guard's junker cars?
Inquiring minds ...
Strange things, indeed. Inquiring minds, part deux ...
"People like Alice Cooper were right, couldn't Copperfield simply have disappeared or turned himself into a grizzly bear or a pack of wild boars or something?" Shack Shock asked.
Good point.
Instead of working security during a high-intensity Western Conference final, and maybe even the Stanley Cup finals, the poor woman was reduced to attending a Charley Pride concert.
Pride, who allegedly enunciates something like Buckwheat, attracted 3,000 drunk geriatrics to the cavernous Saddledome, which depressed Twisty no end.
It wasn't quite to the point where Twisty and her co-worker, who eventually could get named Canada's Cheapest Drunk if she comes to a Monday night hash, were doing tequila shots in the aisles. But it was close. Instead, Twisty just silently cursed Iggy and the boys.
Ah, but the warm sunshine at the hash eased her pain, even if only for one night.
On On!
Duke of Hurl