Run #1280 - The Sporting Life
May 8, 2006
Where: North Zoo Parking Lot, St George's Dr NE
On-In: Key West Bar & Grill, #201, 1104 - 6 Av SW
Big Rock: in specially Hash priced bottles
Click here for Photos!
On a cool and windy evening in the Calgary Zoo's north parking lot, 42
hashers convened amid gathering rain clouds to see what mayhem uber-hare
Pylon, er, Pyro could concoct.
Then again, why wouldn't they?
Calgary's sports landscape was pretty barren, especially after the
Flames' dreadful and gutless Game 7 performance against the SoCal Mighty
Fighting Water Fowl.
The Stamps and the Vipers (who?) were still a ways away from their
seasons getting underway. The Calgary Stampede rodeo was two months off.
Only Ottawa and, gulp, Edmonton remained alive in the NHL playoffs to
carry the Canadian banner.
So Pyro it was -- and he didn't disappoint.
The trail wound up and down windswept hills, along railroad tracks,
through a tunnel underneath the Deerfoot Trail Motor Speedway, past the
gigantic ET call home satellite dishes at the Calgary Herald, through an
LRT station, across the Bow River and back to the zoo parking lot.
For those who had energy left, they drove to the always hash-friendly
Key West Bar & Grill on the west side of downtown for merriment and
- Seeing the long-lost Bobbin, who returned from his bedside vigil in
New Zealand for Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards, who underwent
head surgery after falling out of a tree in Fiji.
Bobbin reportedly hashed in Edmonton during his hiatus from Calgary, but
sources said the Red Dress runner in the Evil City to the North may have
been a body double.
Summoning his inner Kenyan, Bobbin outsprinted a guy in a motorized
wheelchair coming down a hill near the Max Bell Centre. Bobbin's kick
left the poor guy drooling and moaning, but determined to complete his
- Wet One and Smirk were there, one day after joining 45,000 of their
closest friends at the Bloomsday 12K in lovely and gorgeous Spokane,
Wash. They claimed to have beaten the Kenyans, but race video revealed
Smirk and Wet One were actually driving when they did it.
Nonetheless, Wet One and Smirk showed way more energy than Hottie and
Bum Titty, who were also in Spokane, but then were hash no-shows.
- Rumours swirled that one half of a certain hash couple -- in order not
to identify them, we'll just call them Billythong and Limp Dick --has
been suffering from a daily illness in the a.m.
The rumourmongers didn't say whether the alleged illness was related to
drinking the water in the Dominican Republic, where they went on their
delayed honeymoon, or something deeper and longer lasting, as well as
more meaningful and expensive and noisy and slobbery.
The happy, glowing couple referred any questions to their public
relations spokesman, Chicken Feathers (or something like that), who was
too busy arranging a firefighting job in San Diego to respond.
Stay tuned, as they say.
A couple items ranked pretty high on the amazing scale:
- Sticky Lips didn't get a down-down for the second week in a row,
which prompted widespread speculation that the ski bunny extraordinaire
- Dr. Fill did the Vancouver M-word the previous
day, walked the hash and didn't have to drink for it.
Nor did a motley collection of hashers -- including P-Tooey, Lakey,
Sumpyton, Knobby, Krusty and Duke of Hurl -- who were foolish enough to
run the Banff to Calgary Relay.
- In another minor miracle, Mud Guard and Whale Wanker, aka the Hash
Thingy Magnets, actually were able to rid themselves of their dreaded
awards -- passing them off to Sucks Everything and the unsuspecting
In reality, Mud Guard had become quite attached to his award, even using
it as a hood ornament on his Ferrari or whatever piece of motorized junk
he owns -- and vows to win it again soon. It was unclear if the award
got in the way just before Mud Guard came out of the bushes with
- Although Skewbic didn't have to drink for running too fast in the Banff to
Calgary Relay, he still got busted for the unpardonable and mortal sin of auto-hashing.
While trolling for over-age girls in his trusty green Turbo Saab Love Machine,
Skewbic drove past Mucky Dip, and asked if she wanted a ride. Mucky said sure,
and off they zoomed.
"I admit, it was just a cheap ploy for later tonight," Skewbic said.
- Ben Dover was awarded a bag, or an old bag or something, for his 150th
run -- which actually took place in 1998. OK, it was last September, but
Ben was too busy training for an Ironman Triathlon to notice.
- In honour of getting approved to become a landed immigrant after a
decade of fits and starts and steps and missteps, Duke of Hurl did a
down-down after being serenaded with an abridged version of O Canada --
as in "O Canada, drink it down-down-down."
End of song, end of story.
Duke of Hurl
Click here for Photos!
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