Run #1276 - Non-Descript But Lovely

April 10, 2006

Hares: Lay 'em In Snow, Shack Shock, Nice & Dirty
Where: Boccavino Lounge, 2202 Centre St N.E.
Big Rock: $9.95 Jugs!
Attendance: 48

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Sometimes it's difficult to find witty or insightful things to say about a hash run.

It can be an often-futile challenge, even when 48 hashers show up for a trail laid by co-co-co-hares Lay 'Em, Shack Shock and Nice&Dirty at Boccavino's Lounge and Hooters Waitress Larvae Training Facility on a mild April evening.

The trail meandered from Centre Street through Confederation Park and past the newly named Whale Wanker Memorial Off-Leash Dog Park, whose love of animals is exceeded only by his ability to whine about them more loudly than a kennel full of chihuahuas.

The 5K trail then wound back through non-descript but lovely neighbourhoods and back to the bar, where WWE wrestling and car shows dominated the television screens.

Oh, sure, there were candidates to become the object of ridicule and scorn, targets of merriment and mirth. For example:

• Knobby and King Shit, aka The Beer Beggars, were up there for some reason or other, adding to their lengthy list of self-imposed trangressions -- all so they can get another free beer.

  Details were sketchy, but two 11-year-old girls along the trail -- or were they actually 7 -- were heard talking about Uncle King Poo and maybe attending a hash. Too young, kids, you're too young.
   

• Krusty and Smirk were actually at the same hash at the same time for the first time in forever, which meant Smirk could collect his shooter from Krusty for winning the quiz for knowing Wet One's sister's hash name.

  Granted, Smirk had inside family knowledge -- which set off boos and hisses among other hashers -- but fair is fair and everyone had the opportunity to submit the correct answer of Wet Wipe.

  Showing that he has little fear, Krusty suggested another quiz along those same lines, which no doubt will please the arm-pinching Wet Wipe no end.

  Question: How long will it take Krusty to get his arm pinched, or worse, after Wet Wipe finds out about this?

  1. 1.8 seconds
  2. 0.6 seconds
  3. 0.01 seconds
  4. He's already dead meat
  
   
• Wet One made a token post-run appearance, wearing some sort of salmon-colored, velour-like matching warmup suit that was last seen on Olivia Newton-John's backup singers in the Let's Get Physical video.

  Wet One didn't stay long enough to expound on her sartorial eloquence. Perhaps her leg warmers still were in the dryer.
   

• The Boccavino attracted some blast-from-the-past hashers, including BLAB and Over Done, both of whom recently returned from warm-weather holidays.

  Over Done gamely hobbled forward for her down-down despite a mysterious tailbone injury apparently suffered while in the Dominican Republic, or something like that.
   

• Dick Tracy from Edmonton was a visitor, either hashing on his company's time and money or secretly lusting after RA and ex-Edmonchucker Rubber Made. Neither one was talking, at least not for the record.
   
• The hash choir, sort of led by P'Tooey, performed to mixed reviews -- at times sounding like Boy George after a heroin episode and other times like the Beatles in their heyday. Well, not really. Maybe the Rutles in theirs.
   
• Frequent hash punching bag Duke of Hurl got a down-down for a hash shirt that wasn't a hash shirt, or a shirt that looked like a hash shirt but wasn't, or a Peak Performance, or one of those things.

  To her everlasting credit, Rubber Made also re-paid Duke the two beers she owed, which earns her special dispensation from scurrilous interweb attacks -- but only for a week. Bless her heart.
   

• During the previous week, King Shit had become genuinely attached to the Hash Whatchamacallit Headdress, and seemed like an odds-on favourite to wear it again for next week's hash.

  But Moonshine -- dear, sweet Moonshine -- managed to wrest it away from him for wearing an r-word shirt, or something along those lines.

  Unlike King Shit, Moonshine wasn't terribly pleased to receive the award, and was heard mumbling something about payback, revenge and next week being the Easter bonnet hash as she headed out the door into the darkness for her short walk home.

On On!
Duke of Hurl

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