Hares: Hardly and Twisted Sister
Where: Kits on 16th, 720 16th Ave NW
Big Rock: $9.69 Jugs!
Click here for Photos!As far as anyone can tell, co-hares Hardly and Twisted Sister never dreamed of hurtling face first down an ice-covered track at 120 kilometers an hour to win Winter Olympics gold.
Nor did they want CBC Talking Head Brian Williams to ask them if they walked 10 kilometers each way to practice each day through knee-deep snow and -40C temperatures to achieve Olympic greatness.
No, they had simpler goals: $3.69 for a dozen wings, $9.69 for a jug of beer and a short trail that measured nine blocks by nine blocks with six checks.
Welcome to the Hardly Broke a Sweat, Fun With Numbers hash, which was run on a mild February night from Kits on 16th, just hours after the Canadian women's hockey team captured Olympic gold.
Hardly and Twisty set a trail that required less effort than curling does. Fortunately, there were no figure-skating judges to critique performances, no aerials to perform, no insanely steep downhills on which hashers could break a leg or rip up a knee, and nobody wore sequins.
But there still were some Olympic-calibre performances. Among them:
"At least I wasn't wearing one red glove named Camille, like that fruitcake did," said Skewbic, who plans to build a kiss-and-cry room addition to his house.
"I missed the bus and was late for my performance," Lay 'Em said, echoing Mr. Princessy's excuse for a bad skate. "It was Rubber Made's fault for calling us up here."Duke said his voice was off because he was "still mourning the weekend death of Billy Cowsill of the Cowsills singing group, who died here in Calgary. Indian Lake and Hair were two of the greatest songs of all time. They were better than anything the Beatles or Pink Floyd ever did. It was so sad."
"I did it for the free beer," said King Shit, who will do just about anything for free beer.
"Not being retarded," said kind, sweet Hash Test, who may or may not be going straight to Hell, assuming there is a Hell, which is a question for another day.
Although it was pretty funny.
Janet, aka Limp Dick's sister, had a burst water pipe in her condo, which, of course, caused a bit of a flood. But, ever the trouper, she managed to make it to the hash, and promises to return.
Wait till Brian Williams hears that.
"No fourth place for them, it was a gold-medal performance all the way," an unusually excited Brian Williams told a puzzled CBC audience. Rubber Made would have commented, but she wandered off, perhaps looking for a cigarette, or something.
"But I hear there are some really hefty Germans and Scandanavians who can do some damage," Hardly said, as he downed another wing and swigged another beer.
"My biggest dream," Hardly said, "is for Olympic snowman building and Olympic snowball fighting to become reality."
Duke of Hurl