Run #1184 - Annual Beer & Chili Fart-a-rama

August 30, 2004

Hares: Dreary, Mum
Where: Dreary & Mum's Party Palace
Drink of Choice: Tubs brimming with Big Rock nectar
Food of Choice: Chili!
Attendance: 46

Where was I?....Oh yeah, anyway it took a lot of courage not to mention planning to attend this annual event. Planning you say??? Okay let me explain human physiology a bit here. It generally takes the body a wee bit of time to process food and its components before it begins to produce, shall we say, by-products. Some ingested substances such as beer go through rather quickly. Others, such as chili take a while to...well you know. Anyway, when one plans to eat copious quantities of any food known to cause flatulence, one had better make damn sure no important meetings or any public adventure is planned for the next day. Cubical people need to be especially aware of the need for planning...just because you can't see anyone doesn't mean that odor doesn't travel. I am fortunate enough to have office walls AND I take my dog to work. Dogs pass gas on a regular basis and rarely acknowledge the fact that they are even doing it. Still you have to make sure that the dog is within reasonable proximity to you before shifting the blame. Believe me the cover-up doesn't work if Rover is nowhere to be found when you exclaim "Whew Rover, that was disgusting!" Then you have to make up some story about a superpower dog that can make itself invisible at will. And, if you happen to be meeting with Kawky, you will witness a truly amazing assortment of facial contortions and eye rolling that clearly demonstrates his incredulity and utter annoyance at your astonishing stupidity. And while we're here...Tell me, Kawky, why did you say that Inspector Butt has his hands full with me? Inquiring minds want to know.

Okay, that's better. My tin foil "thinking cap" needed some adjustments....I feel much more focused now.

The only thing that I remember about the circle was the fact the Sticky Lips and Sticky Licker were not stuck together. Totally weird and very unsettling. I mean they ALWAYS stand side by side in the circle, and, even when they don't run together, they always somehow manage to have a rendezvous point somewhere along the trail. Anyway there he stood looking so very sad and forlorn, his beloved Miss Lips, out of gropes' way. The pain of watching his misery was almost too much so I had to mentally block the entire soul wrenching drama. Unfortunately, everything else that went on in the circle was blocked too.

I should mention that this saga took a most delightful twist when I discovered that the Stickies were not having troubles. Miss Lips was merely forcing him to stand apart from her. Something about him needing to deal with his separation anxiety. I'll have to remember that next time I want to dominate a man in my life. Honey, you need to deal with your separation anxiety so, instead of your regular pub night with the boys, you'll stay at home. Miss Lips you are brilliant!

Back at the On In each of us received our own personal sacred vessel, useful for drinking the Big Rock Nectar from but, also, for reference in case you forgot your Hash name. However it is not recommended that you take these cups to work, especially if your name is Crusifucks. Somehow I don't think his Southern Baptist boss is gonna appreciate the irony. We then grabbed a Big Rock of our choice and settled down for some Down Downs.

Okay this is where I have to admit that I seriously fucked up 'cause I forgot to take any notes. I later stole the RA'S sheet but that also proved to be less than useless. I mean what kinda notes contain the notation "NB" which, to me means important and then puts nothing beside it. So I will just assume that nothing important transpired.

Afterwards we all settled into some serious eating and drinking. Mum, you make damn good chili! Being a tenderfoot, I first tried the medium with meat; after all I was raised in ranching country. Then went back for more. Lambchop had three different bowls, which, I suspect is acceptable for a single guy who works outdoors. Most others I observed also had seconds. Must have been because someone had let it be known that recent studies have shown that chili can enhance sexual performance in men. I suspect the farts have to stay somewhere while you're usin' those glutes for, ahem, other activities.