Hares: Mouthful and Dirty Dancer
Where: Pig and Whistle, 8120 Beddington Blvd NW
Big Rock: $10/jug
Click here for Photos!
As I walked into the bar the Head Scribe, TNT, accosted me. "Do you want to scribe?" Well, really, does anybody really want to scribe? But I was stuck, TNT knows that I haven't scribed in awhile. She then told me to give Whale Wanker a hard time since he was suppose to and weaseled out of it - smart Whale Wanker. I unfortunately wasn't that smart and ended up scribing. Hashers regrettably left the bar to circle up in the parking lot of the Pig and Whistle as it was fairly cold and there was a good stiff wind. Our honored Hash Master, Smirk, circled us up for announcements.
There was disturbing news from Hardly that Star 69 has had a very serious accident. He was skiing, and hit a tree. He has hurt his spinal cord and is presently paralyzed from the waist down. People can visit him in Foothills hospital. Our best wishes go to him and his family. Hardly asked that the Hash family helps him out and all the Hashers nodded sympathetically.
We had a visitor from Edmonton - Rupert Comes. (His name was something like that.)
The Hares for the night, Mouthful and her lovely assistant Dirty Dancer, showed us the marks and we were off. As I stood on the corner taking notes Kawky Whoreurrrrr put in an order for a cheeseburger and fries. Is this going to be my next career move? Lost in Space asked me how I was doing in the stock market and I said well up and down. I then made the insightful observation that Hashing is very good training for the stock market. You are always operating under uncertainty. There are all these different paths you can follow. You always have to be careful whom you listen to because lots of people want to lead you astray like when Ben Wa told me to go in the opposite direction than her. Every time you think you have it right, you get turned around. And just when you think you have screwed yourself royally, you appear at the front of the pack... sometimes.
Anyway back to the run. It was icy and the whole pack was making their way carefully. I started following some walkers and was suddenly one of the first hashers back. Did I shortcut it lots? I was told no but I was suspiciously back early because I saw King Shit and Scewbic Hair after me in the parking lot. What is it with those walkers? Do they have homing devices?
King Shit was the guest R.A. and Lost in Space was his hobbit because it was Oscar Meyer Wiener night. King Shit looked very dapper in his suit jacket and running shorts and Lost in Space with his Tuxedo T-shirt. They handed out a number of Oscars complete with wienies handed out on toothpicks and fished out of little blue cans.
The sound crew lead was chosen with P'Tooey as leader, who immediately chirped up "Can I have my wienie now?" He chose Hash Test Dummy, Billythong, and Suck No Evil as his backup singers. They soon launched into We Suck the Wienies Penis song.
The (mis)Director's award went to the lovely hares Mouthful and Dirty Dancer. They were downdowned with a resounding chorus of It's an Icy World.
The Foreign Hasher award went to our visitor from Edmonton.
Lambchop got a wienie for being the only Kiwi not to get an Oscar last night.
Whale Wanker got the Best Live Action in your Shorts award for gladhandling Pee-On and I Lean Back. Another Hasher told me that they didn't mind the action, tee hee.
The visual effects award went to the Hasher with the best-shown tits. Auntie Frank won and I would say Bobbin Robbin came in a close second.
The No Life Achievement award went to Lambchop for his 100th run. Fellow hobbit Scewbic Hair was his stunt double.
King Shit remarked that two weeks earlier, at a separate ceremony, the Scientific and Technical awards were given to Tiny Bubbles for hosting the hash website and Dreary for using Q-sound expertise to run the Hash horn.
The Best Score award went to Lakey and Shadow, her dog. Lakey demonstrated with upraised leg, wiggle and all. It was quite the sight.
People's Choice Award went to the left side of the bar. Xena, Warrior Princess graciously accepted for the cast.
The Best Picture award went to Wet One for always having the best jugs. No, the ones on the table filled with beer. Have you ever seen Wet One's front? She elegantly accepted with asparagus up her nose and managed a great job of pouring her beer down her front.
Best Song Award nominees were Sexual Life of a Camel, Little Can of Beer and the award went to Swing Low, Sweet Chariot! Krusty led the song with Wet One assisting.
Lambchop got Best Screenplay wienie for his story for being late at the Hash. Appears Lambchop was in a bit of a fender bender before the run. While he was exchanging registration information with the cute young female driver, out dropped two condoms from his wallet. As the pretty young thing's father is a doctor, Lambchop was sure this would make a good impression as proof that he practices safe sex. However, he did comment he wasn't sure if the condoms were past their expiry date.
Nominations for Hash Shit went out. Of course, Kawky Whoreurrrrr was nominated. I guess he was caught in his car combing his eyebrows, mustache, and goatee. He immediately turned around and managed to give it to Whale Wanker for not scribing. Another record everyone exclaimed in the hash for Kawky not leaving with the Hash Shit. It bothered Wet One so much she volunteered to be RA next week to ensure he resumed getting it again. I hear from Thunder Tits that Kawky Whoreurrrrr isn't getting the Hash Shit anymore because he still has the Sheep with the Leather Knickers at home.
That was the end of the Oscar Wienies awards and there were leftover wienies for anyone with a burning desire to try one. I don't think there were any takers.
Hashers were happy to go back to their Big Rock beer at a lovely price of $10 a jug.
That's all folks! You know the great thing about the Hash. I didn't make any of this up.
Click here for Photos!