Run #1155 - Loonies a Glo Glo

February 23, 2004

Hares: Lumberjack, Hardly, Right Bun
Where: Griffith Woods
Big Rock: $9.50/jug
Attendance: 51

Well the with barely a quarter moon, the claire de lune was less than impressive, and Pierrot was certainly nowhere to be seen (damn good thing I brought my own plume) but several dozen hashers DID come out to Lumberjack's annual light stick run. We stood in the gathering dusk for a while, counting the stars as they came out and watching Thunder Tits drive back and forth in front of the turn-off to the parking lot (what part of the sign that said "Griffith Woods Parking Lot" did you NOT understand TT?)

Finally, his Lordship High King Smirk called us to order and we swiftly organized into our usual, perfect circle. The pack, well mannered as ever, listened respectfully to the many important announcements and then paid homage to Sticky Lips and Lay'em for their respective milestone runs. Ms Lips received the coveted 69 couture apron, which she donned with much enthusiasm.

Newboots/archives were introduced/reintroduced. Mudguard was warmly welcomed back into the fold although Dastardly (fearing that he would be accused of angling for free beer) remained discreetly outside the circle. Newboot Jim made a shameless attempt to influence his eventual naming by introducing himself as "Jim the Soccer Dad." Nice try Jimmy-Boy, didn't anybody tell you that you have SFA to say about your hash handle? (Just asked D-F - who surprised the hash in general and Smirk in particular by showing up after a brutal christening.) Which reminds me, did I miss a re-naming? When did Wet One become NOT Dog Fucker?!

Formalities duly respected, the circle broke up, and headed (head, who said head) to the very edge of the woods, where Lumberjack et al explained the marks. The pack was finally released, and headed off, (yeah, yeah, "head, who said head" get over it people) deep into the forest primeval; the soothing tones of the moose mating calls, the enthusiastic cries of "On! On!" and the muttered curses "I can't see a goddamn thing," echoing through the valley.

The excitement, however, was short-lived as the tightly grouped pack split and splintered with each successive check. The strident "On-On's" were quickly replaced by plaintive "Are -You's " and irritated "Checking's." Even the horns fell silent as harmony became acrimony and the marks began resembling splashes of fairy ... vomit.

Fortunately, the starry night helped sooth frustrations and many of hashers simply gave up looking for the marks and concentrated on finding their favourite constellations. Romance also blossomed as Pull-It and Horse-With-No-Name wandered along, hand in hand. At least, I think it was Pull-It and Horse-With-No-Name. In retrospect, I'm not sure that it WAS them - especially after seeing Aunty Frank and Whale Wanker in action back at the on-in. Might have been Smirk and Pole Vault too - there was a little sumpin'-sumpin' involving ass-grabbing going on with those two early in the evening as well... and Pole Vault was talking about going down on trail...

The entire pack eventually found its way back to our point of departure, saddled up and headed out to the on-in. Well, we assume the entire pack found its way out of the woods since there were no cars left in the parking lot...

Back at the Pete's Peanut Pub, Big Rock Trad - the official (and preferred) beverage of the Calgary HHH - was served up at a modest $9.50 a pitcher by Pete's friends.

In the category "Best Performance by a Guest R-A at Run 1154 of the Calgary HHH" the Oscar goes to ... Pull-It, for her soft, sultry voice, sexy outfit and unilaterally renaming Baby Rudi-Baby for his flashing red ... light.

In the category "Best Performance by a Choir Member"; the nominees are: Sticky Lips, Limp Dick, Shag-a-dellic and Lakey. And the winner is.... Well Shag was doing a hot little dance number that caught MY eye, so he gets the nod from the Academy... Drink it down down down.

(Oh quit your bitching - you all knew somebody was eventually going to do the Oscar thing ...)

Special lifetime achievement down-downs went to Sticky Lips (sans apron) for her 69^th run and Lay'em for his 150.^th Sticky Lips chose to savour her moment of glory, but Lay'em was off the stage in 24 seconds. I know that's not a record, but I was impressed. There were probably other down-down award winners, but I was getting bored and besides, Limp Dick was throwing peanuts at me - very distracting.

In the category of best performance in a comedy routine, the nominees are Wet One and Bobbin Robin, for fighting over in which direction lay true trail and being too stupid and/or blind to see a glowing LJ hiding behind a tree 10 feet away. And the winner is... Smirk, for being third man in and STILL not spotting LJ.

The Oscar for best actor goes to Lumberjack, who faithfully re-enacted the entire scene between Wet One, Bobbin and Smirk. Andre-Philippe Gagnon himself couldn't have done the voices any better. Bravo LJ.

Sticky Lips (her again!) and Sticky Likker get a surprise Oscar for their sexual performance - according to reports, they were stuck in the parking lot and just kept going back and forth and back and forth and ... well, you get the picture. Sticky Lips then (apparently) lost an article of clothing - a HEADband and had to go down for it. King Shit gets special mention for his supporting role - he had to help them by pushing (or was it pulling?)

Hardly passed on his hashshit to Blow No Evil, who actually got the only one of the night for her attempt to assassinate the entire hash by bearing down on the circle with her car. Jesus woman, this isn't Montreal y'know.

Hashshit history was also made this night, with Kawky Whoreurrrrr now on a two-week hashshitless streak. Thunder Tits tells me that we don't have to worry about Kawky sleeping alone though, because he still has his sheep with the leather knickers(?) Sidebar: To WHOM precisely were you referring, Kawky, when you said that there are a surprising number of men having relationships with inflatable toys???

Et voila mesdames, messieurs et autres... j'arrive à la fin de mon exposé. S'il y a des oublies, too damn bad. J'espère par contre, que vous allez avoir autant de plaisir à me lire que j'ai pu avoir à vous écrire. On On et à la prochaine!