Run #1088 - Shit it's cold! Brrrr! Two pints of Trad please

January 20, 2003

Hares: Lay Em in Snow
Where: The Trap & Gill, McLeod Trail South
People: No. Just 54 Hashers

It was a dark and windy night. Well, not that windy, but by Christ it was brisk. Even just after 7pm it looked like we were only just going to crack 20 attendees, and then suddenly a bunch of Hashers stormed the bar amidst cries of, "Shit, it's cold!", "Brrrr", and "Two pints of trad, please". Cold weather never dampens the true Hash spirit. Even Skewbie showed up eventually to get us started, so out to the parking lot we went. There was the usual plethora of announcements, the most noticeable of which was the twin birthdays of Horse with No Name, and Hot on Trail. It was also some sort of Celtic day last week, so we sort of used it as a warm-up for tonight's Robbie Burns event. More on these later.

And the Hashers are lining up at the gate, raring to go, the starter is ready and.....BANG! They're off! A bit. Sort of a disorganised hobble, really, without any particular purpose. Ye olde faithful Hash wussing-out on running because it's cold. Welcome to mob rules. Baa, baa..... Finally I think it was Wet One being her usual timid, shy self who charged to the fore and led the pack on a rampage looking for marks. The On marks, incidentally, were Celtic crosses, which must have taken Layem a while to draw. They were very artistic.

It was cold, so some people stopped at Tim Horton's for a coffee, for fuck's sake! It was suggested that Skinhead give up his citizenship, because he was standing right out front of Tim's, under the sign, and he said, "Where? I can't see Tim Horton's! Where is it?"

Across McLeod Trail after a few checkbacks and up into suburbia. Climbing steep, icy hills with running shoes. Traction? Ha, who needs traction? Er, me... We split the pack at one point in a park, where a bunch of us went haring off (Geddit? Haring? Jolly good...) in the wrong direction and everyone else got lost. By ~~randomly turning left and right in blind panic~~ sheer navigational genius we rejoined the straggling pack a few minutes later.

"Were you guys on the true trail?" "Of course we were, we're here aren't we?" Layem gave us a really good trail in all, we were never sure quite when we were supposed to go On-In (LOTS of times we wanted to) but we made it back to the bar in a tad under 40 minutes. Yes, the run writeup is a bit short. Two reasons: My f@#$ing pen froze, and there were some good down-downs you need to hear about.

The down-downs

One of our better nights, I think. The choir was Knobby (standing up), Hardly and Dreary. Layem was downed for a great run on a cold night. As a Celtic warm-up, OnIn was invited up to carve a penis in place of tonight's Haggis. A large plastic penis with a straw in the end of it. Hey, the Scots eat every part of an animal, right? From the size of it, it came from one big mother of a sheep...

4 Teats was downed for trying to bribe an Orifice of the Hash. She offered King Shit beer in exchange for changing her name because she can't put 4 Teats on a t-shirt and show her mother. I've never seen 4 Teats on a t-shirt. I've seen 2 under a wet one a few times, but anyway...The down-down song was a brilliant rendition of "The Sexual Life of the Ostrich" led by Dreary. We have to do that one more often.

There was a competition to blow up a set of bagpipes (OK, a balloon) to win a ski pass. Pull-it, Ben-Wa, King Shit and The Body stepped up, and The Body, who appears to have a great set of lungs J , ably won the event. Neon had to sing "A Little Can of Beer" for some reason, so he did, really, really badly.

Hardly and Twisty escaped without a down-down for this, but I'll tell you anyway. Hardly has a knee injury, and can't be on top. Twistie has a bruised tail-bone and can't lie on her back. On trail they were seen coming out of the Adam and Eve store, holding hands, with BIG smiles on their faces. The mind boggles....