Run #972 - A Stinky Affair...

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No this is not a run that was brought to you by our lovely harriette Stinky (who has not been an active hasher since she found a man) but a run at the lovely Shamrock Hotel in beautiful downtown Ramsay. Rather this refers to the mix of odors emanating from this part of town.

A rather motley group of approximately 62 hashers were circled up at about 7:05 p.m. by our hashmistress Wet One who admonished the visitors, new boots and archives to step into the centre of the circle to introduce themselves. Conspicuous by his darkened skin was Pick Your Part who obviously had been to some warm locale, hasn't he heard about the harmful effects of the sun (it causes cancer apparently). The nattily attired One Nut Sue arrived with a police escort. The bun sisters arrived fashionably late, where it was noted that yet again Left Bun was Knobless. I think she sees less of him now, than before they were married! There is a rumour going around that this oil rig gig is just a cover for an affair he is having with Gispert.

Two of the evenings three hares Lickin' Good and Neon Stripper were then introduced to the group while the third hare King Shit was given a head start (head who said head) as were told that this would be a live hare run. We then were told the marks we would be following on this evening's run by a somewhat confused group of co-hares.

At approximately 7: 09 we were off following the marks like the good group of hashers that we are for at least a block, after that we were milling about unable to find the trail. At times like this you can observe a few things about the group dynamics, such as Cock Tale and Not too Deep were seen holding hands at the start of the run and again at the end of the run. Does that mean they were conjoined for the duration of the run? It was noted at down-downs that they left early. Did they get a room at the host hotel? Fuhkawee was showing off his new running gloves with rubber palms, better to grab small animals and have his way with them. Gilley was left strangely unsatisfied though, Fuhkawee said it was cold, must have been shrinkage.

After some more milling about the trail was found again and off we went for about six blocks, until we lost the trail again. At this point Twisted Sister pulled up lame with a injured hamstring. With some help from her friends in the hash she was able to make it back to the host hotel.

The trail was found again and off we went through some abandoned, I think, railroad tracks where I swore I saw some of last year's dot.com millionaires drinking cheap wine in brown paper bags in their tattered Versace suits and Gucci loafers. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

There was a little more running to do and I was able to find the only two checkbacks on the run. Memo to myself, never follow Krusty on a run. Xena and her unique way of pointing out the trail were definitely missed on tonight's run. The trail finally ended and we were back at the host hotel by about 8:11 as pointed out by Dreary who maintained that he was the last one in.

Down-downs for the evening commenced a short while later. As is tradition in the hash select hashers were punished/rewarded for perceived misdeeds during the run. Dreary asked for volunteers for the choir, and received only one... the injured Twisted Sister, the rest of the choir was then appointed and consisted of P'tooey, Specimen and Code Dead.

The hares, King Shit, Neon Stripper and Lickin' Good were rewarded with beer for their part in setting the trail. I don't believe Smirk was heard commenting that this was the best run he had ever been on. Ben-Wa was punished for not running with the mini hash-shit, but rather leaving it in her car which she did bring to the run. Sister Maria was rewarded with a beer for being a visitor. Sister Maria is a former Calgary Hasher who has moved to y'all country and now drinks like an American.

The new boots, Craig, Kevin, Sam, John, Nina-Lynn and Dorothy (who wished she was in Kansas at the time) were rewarded with a beer for being new to the hash. Rob, the hasher who brought Nina-Lynn to the hash was punished by being forced to drink his beer out of his smelly running shoe for not telling her that you don't bring new running shoes to the hash.

Left Bun was punished, i.e. given a beer for losing her keys on the trail, something about not having the tools available to get back in her car. Dreary punished himself with a beer for forgetting a name. Party Pumper, Itsy Bitsy, Hotdog and P'Tooey were punished for some phantom sexual offense. The beer warmer Ms. Right Bun was brought forward with the halfyard of beer which was topped up, and presented to the fuzzy lipped Lumberjack, who was out for his 350th run that night. LJ consumed the amber liquid in a sizzling 16 seconds according to the official timer.

Blue Balls was punished, with a beer, for letting PK get his food before him. How could the official hash food critic have let this happen? Whale Wanker was rewarded just to shut him up for 3 seconds. Lapdog and Hash Test were punished for a fashion offense, the lovely bow ties they were wearing for the evening. Tootsie Roll and Doris Day were rewarded with a beer for catching the hare before the end of the run. PK, Dastardly, and NTD would have received a down-down but they all left.

A common thread throughout this reward/punishment scenario is that in most cases all participants receive a beer.

Some miscellaneous observations about the run: Lapdog and Always with Wings both didn't get any tale on the trail. After the festivities, Pool Boy Ron was selling his version of green beer to all who would dare to participate. Pool Boy was also asked by Code Dead if she could pay. For what? We will let you faithful readers decide. Also...what is that growth on Krusty's upper lip?

That is my version of what happened on the night in question. If it bears any resemblance to what really happened, too bad, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Your humble scribe,

Bum-Titty

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