Run #1004 - Robert Frost eat your heart out

August 20, 2001

Hares: Baby and Pyro
Where: Suds 'n' Spuds, 5720 Silver Springs Bv NW
Attendance: 69

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Well I only have one more week of bliss until I have to deal with those little shits again. What am I saying, I deal with shits every Monday night. Since I will be back to school in a week, I figured I had better practice using some prose, so here it is, Robert Frost eat your heart out:

It was a warm and smokey night this summer,
WETONE was back, what a bummer.
There were several new faces and some we have seen,
welcome to Lynne, Joni Lynn, Bill, MISS, HOBO, BLAZING STRADDLE, DIZZY, AYATOLLAH and Irene.
BABY describes the marks, interpreted by WHALE,
"Farrow the flour, chalk and fagging on trail".
So of we ran through the streets in a rush,
up and down hills, through rivers and bush.
Marks were frequent, TINY BUBBLES got lost just the same,
"Two balls in the bush" was SHACK SHOCK's claim to fame.
WHALE WANKER and BEN DOVER did not look so fine,
is it because they are nine away from 69.
I noticed three special hashing studs,
TB, HARDLY and KAWKY wore the same duds.
Bright yellow shirts and shorts the colour of clover,
maybe they have had a recent sleep over.
Back at the bar so many hashers to see,
of course they are there, the beer was free!!!!
Our RA DREARY was simply away,
so LAKEY and KNOBBY, they did play.
The hares (Baby and Pyro) were recognized for such a good time,
"Hooray" to the new boots, the crowd did chime.
Downing beers at a speed obscene,
NEON you could learn a thing or two from IRENE!!!!
There were lots of analversaries to celebrate,
LEFT BUN on her 150th downed the vessel at a fast rate.
Her first 69 SHACK SHOCK must confess,
Was her first beer? She was a mess!
It was MIDOL who had the big one of the night,
seeing him drink beer was quite a sight.
That is 350 nights to the hash he did come,
what he really wanted was a coke with some rum.
There were other down downs to tell,
DORIS DAY for being an asshole from hell.
POLEVAULT, HARDLY and KNOBBY for leaving marks on the ball buster,
and PULL-IT for wrestling another woman with luster.
LAKEY was stung, it is just that simple,
PICK YOUR PART has really big balls with lots of dimples.
PUPPY almost had the shit for one more week,
the hash however picked KING SHIT as the bigger geek.
All in all the evening was a slice,
lots of beer- that is always nice.
The quote of the evening, DIZZY did state,
"Him being a week late is better than my girlfriend being a week late."

On On!

Wet One

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Ask Right Bun

Dear Right Bun,

,

Last week while Editor #2 attempted to break his personal best score at 3D Donkey Kong, we were inconveniently interrupted by the ringing of the Red Phone, an emergency summoning to the Secret Underground Office of the Hash Executive.

For you less-significant Hashers who will likely never see this rare and wondrous place, just picture the Bat Cave with P'Tooey in a mourning suit instead of Alfred the Butler, and instead of computers and surveillance equipment, substitute beer kegs and old nacho trays, and instead of Michelle Pfeiffer in a stretch-vinyl cat suit, imagine Wet One - but wait, I've said too much...

Reserved for topics of extreme import, like the time King Shit took a vow of chastity in exchange for a Laz-E-Boy recliner with Magic Fingers, we knew we were faced with a grave issue, namely Marketing the Hash.

Like any group of aging and decrepit athletes, the Hash is faced with the difficult task of attracting the right kind of newboots, and then of keeping them. Attendance has been depleted recently by the defection of newboots to the Witness Protection Program, and of the old guard to 12 Step Programs (and a couple allegedly to Jenny Craig.)

Inspired by her Gatorade bottle, Suck No Evil, who recently switched to Raging Melon because Radical Rutabaga sounded too 90's, stated the obvious: We need to get EXTREME.

So in an attempt to appeal to the only demographic that matters, 16-22 year old males who have yet to suffer permanent spinal damage, we present three ways to Extremify the Hash:

1. BMX Bike Hash: to be run on the outside stairs and concrete planter boxes of downtown office buildings. Regroups will be done wherever the most passerbyes can be simultaneously irritated.

2. Radical Rock Face Hash: circle up will be done on any surface perpendicular to the ground, with no safety equipment, training, or conditioning.

3. Major Heavy Water Hash, Dude: due to the difficulty of marking kayak trails with chalk on jagged water-pummeled rocks, checks/ check backs will be indicated with patches of detached scalp and lingering grey matter.

And while the events will make the Hash ultimately marketable and eventually a cable-TV regular, there remain a few difficulties to overcome. Such as the Brainfreeze we encountered when using Mountain Dew for down-downs.

On-On,

Yer Editurds