Run #945 - Sexual Misbehaviour Run

A clandestine circle of hashers lurked in the alley behind the restaurant, whispering introductions and expertly dodging asphyxiating K-cars. After announcements, a nail was sacrificed as the markings were drawn and "on" was down the dark straight stretch. No sexual misbehavior so far but lots of opportunity to cum.

Basically it was a stealth run with few "ON ON" calls heard by this BOP who got left behind on a check back (whine, whine). Thank you hash horns!

It was a beautiful crisp autumn evening to get lost in elegant Mount Royal. Curves and bumps, darkness, hardness, sweating and panting, moaning, the dizzying ecstasy of anticipation and finally, WE CAME - back to Don Ramon's.

Dreary, our esteemed Religious Advisor, administered down downs to three disrespectful hashers (who do not deserve to be named) for wearing "R-word" t-shirts. Our hares Pull It and Horse With No Name, the sexual misbehavors, were rewarded with boot mugs of amber nectar for a confusing run well set.

One Nut Sue is the new DJ on CBC 1010. He hosts the "Drinking Club with a Running Problem" Show every Monday at 6pm, and shows up at the on in just in time for a down down.

The choir consisting of Neon Stripper, Always With Wings, My Little Pony and Hot On Trail led the monotone chants of our down downs. They became confused when they were actually asked to sing so they put their hands in their deep little pockets for inspiration.

Archived Sumpyton was welcomed back, three new boots (no names yet) were also welcomed and beer was downed. Did anyone else see the Woodcock? How much beer would a woodcock cock if a woodcock could cock beer?

Whale Wanker was given hash shit for calling for pussy on trail and Nipple Detector received his hash shit for volunteering. By the way, how long were they missing on trail?

Icedickle and Lakey were accused of undressing together, having a quickie, then putting each others' clothes back on. A far-fetched accusation since I'm quite certain Lakey's athletic supporter isn't Icedickle's type. P'tooee?

Demure Scully, who doesn't see anything, doesn't know anything and doesn't want anything received a beer for being a poor investigator. She's XXX files, guys! Help her out!! Besides, I hear she can't come when it's cold.

The rest was on the piss.

Oh, and then there's Knobby. Several times during the evening he "mentioned" to me that he and Stranger were the only ones who had successfully completed the Four Days of Hashing. My sympathy to Left Bun and Sexcellent.

Question. What does "Are We" mean? If you aren't sure if you are on trail, Wet One, you yell "ARE YOU?". If you are on trail, you yell "ON ON". Very simple.

Don Ramon Restaurant expresses their thanks for the complimentary services of Pink Flamingo Plumbing. Apparently they were not aware they had a plumbing problem until Kawky Horror walked in with his hash shit and asked where the washrooms were.

On On!

ACD

Ask Right Bun

Dear Gnu Moon, (Right Bun, call home!)

IÕve noticed that there always seems to be people signed up to be hares, but how do they get chosen for this. Do you have a "stable" of hares, or do they just appear, like out of a hat or something.
Just curious, Confused

Dear Schlep with NFC,,

Being a hare is a great honour, and everyone should aspire to such a lofty position. Is there a "stable?" Well, yes, of sorts. ItÕs called the Hash, and anyone in this "stable" can hare a run. In fact, itÕs encouraged. All you have to do is talk to King Shit, or another member of the mismanagement and, voila, youÕre in. Try haring a run with a couple other experienced hashers to see how itÕs done, then go ahead and hare your own run. You may want to have a partner to make things go smoothly and offer oral sex, but besides that, itÕs your show. Go out on a limb and do it. WeÕll love you all the more for it. Really.

It came to my attention that there is a new movie coming out entitled "Triathlon." It is, apparently about the history of Triathlon as told by those who lived it. This follows on the heels of several other athletic movies such as Prefontaine, Debbie Does Dallas, and the Blair Witch Project.

But even in light of all this, it escapes me why we have never seen a movie about hashing on the silver screen, or the video shelves, or wherever else you may see bad movies. I mean, it would have all the elements of good Hollywood movies, like beer, and sex, and tight fitting clothes, and loose fitting clothes. Did I mention sex?

Anyway, in the same artery, I though I would bring forward a list of the top 10 movies for hashers. You may, as IÕm sure you will, disagree with any or all of these selections.

1. Matrix Š not because itÕs a good movie, just because when you say it drunk it sounds like "Dominatrix." Team S&M lives on
2. ThereÕs Something About Mary Š if for no other reason then to see the prosthetic, um, breasts.
3. Boogie Nights Š see number three above, but replace breasts with, um, something else. This is what happens when you run and drink beer.
4. Cool Hand Luke Š how can you not admire a guy who drinks, gets thrown in jail for ever, and can still eat 50 hard boiled eggs in one sitting?
5. Rocky Š he runs, heÕs fit, heÕs ugly, heÕs dumb, and he STILL gets laid!
6. Priscilla, Queen of the Desert Š can you say "worldÕs best karaoke & kross dressing costumes? Simply fab baby!
7. Marathon Man Š he runs, he gets dental work, and he runs some more.
8. Go! Š itÕs about parties, it has a talking cat, and it kind of sounds like On!
9. The Rocky Horror Picture Show Š see Priscilla, Queen of the Desert above, and add dancing!
10. Who Framed Roger Rabbit Š amazing how fast he runs, and many people drink stuff in this movie. And these words will live forever: "IÕm not bad, IÕm just drawn that way."

On-On,

Yer Editors