Run #944 - Thanksgiving 2000

October 9 , 2000

Hares: Pick Your Part, Xena, Hot On Trail, Bloody Mary
Where: 240 Signal Hill Circle S.W. (Hash Test Dummy and Pick Your Part's place)
Attendance: 49

Thanksgiving dawned bright and clear. The weather was looking very nice. I decided I would wear my shorts for the run. I packed some warm clothes just incase it cooled down a bit in the evening after we feasted on turkey and all the trimmings. I was looking forward to a turkey dinner that I did not have to prepare all by myself. I packed my hash things in the car and my appetizer, and off I went. I was lost on the way, Signal Hill Circle went left and right off the main street, I turned right, is this a prelude to all checks, I should have gone left.

There were 42 hashers in the circle, including visitor Suzanna from Switzerland and five archived little people. Pick Your Part circled us up, in the absence of our Hash Mattress, Wet One. He called for announcements, of course there were to many to memorize, and we introduced ourselves to the visitor and archives. The hares were called to the circle and showed everyone the marks, and a great job of explanations, for those who were new or forgot after eating too much turkey. And we were off.

We went north to the walkway across Sarcee Trail and around the soccer field, into Westgate. From there the run went to a check, then to another check, found a few check backs, and then we came to some more checks, and another check back.

Back at the On In, I was in the kitchen, and was put to work carving a turkey. I seemed to know what I was doing, because my audience was getting bigger and bigger. Some were there to talk, and some were there to snitch turkey early, sorry for the fingers in the turkey dish, they were not mine. Our RA started to do his down downÕs, and I was still carving turkey, I could only hear them. I had my daughter Purple Twist write every thing down for me, my mind is sharp, but only for so long.

The down downs were as follows. Hares, Zena Warrior Princess, Pick You Part, and Hot In Trail. New Boot: Suzanna from Switzerland, and a big hello from us. Archives, Purple Twist, Miss Shiggy, Tarzan (the twisty bits) Jaws and Sr. Edmond Hillary. Milestone: 200 runs, over numerous years, was Ice Bag. As he was downing his half-yard, yes it happened, Clutch Bag walked up behind him and down went his shorts and all. The young ladies got a good look, and the men, well who cares. Next to be called upon were, Ben Wa, Bloody Mary, Full Woman, TNT, Tiny Bubbles, Beaver Flats, Leslie, JackieÕs Son, and Brian. These people were bashing without hashing, they did not even get water, they got sent away. The next down down was the Hash Shit, Tiny Bubbles turned over his Hash Shit to Kawky Whorrer, who has married 3 couples in the hash, and is having a two for one special, 1st, the marriage, 2nd the circumcision, and 3rd he will do another marriage for free. The last down down, and the most important one, went to the cooks and the host. Clutch Bag for cooking a turkey, Hash Test Dummy, for cooking a turkey, and keeping everything together, and Pick Your Part for opening his home to the Hash for our run. Thank you very much to all three. And a thank you to all the Hashers who did dishes after the run, and helped to clean the kitchen.

On On!

Twisted Sister


Ask Right Bun

In the temporary absence (God I hope) of Right Bun, I have been forced to answer a few questions, so I have included one here. Look for the way smarter, better looking, and larger breasted Right Bun back in the space soon.

Dear Gnu Moon,
I have noticed that some hashers have really cool hash names, but some have really rude sounding names, and some have no names at all. People just call them Fred or Hazel. WhatÕs up with this, and how do I get a cool name.
Thanks, Nameless Newboot
Dear Dork with no name,
Hash names are a complex thing with a long history that I will not write in detail about here. Check out the various 3H web sites for that history. As for getting a name, you are, more or less, at the mercy of the Religious Advisor (RA) as you should be. They will give you your name when you deserve to have a name, and that is all the control you have over it. Do not attempt to make up your own name (Stinky, are you listening) or you will be ridiculed, you will be given a funny or "rude" sounding name, and you will be forced into a state of chronic masturbation (which is not a crime, but is a lot less fun than sex, from what I remember). So ask the other hashers how they got their name, and if they have "cool" names, emulate them and if they have "rude sounding" names, donÕt. If they have no name, like you, then donÕt ask them (duh!). Good luck with you name, I guess.

Editors' Notes

An interesting thing happened on the way to the piss a few hashes back. It appears as though, once the hash beer is gone, some alleged hashers are going up to the bar and ordering, now get this, other alcoholic beverages. Even though the tasty, malted hop beverage is the elixir of choice for hashers worldwide, some hashers find it unacceptable to consume beer as a choice of piss-up beverages. But really, who are we to say what drinks are acceptable, which are not, and which can only be referred to as "silly." So, in an effort to clear the muddy waters of "alternative beverages," we present a list of guidelines to help you determine what your options are when ordering items other than beer (ale, lager, stout, bock, etcÉ)

  1. If it contains the name of some tropical locations (e.g. Pina Colada), or if it has hardware in it (e.g. umbrellas) it is a pansy drink and should not be ordered.
  2. If it contains the name of a place or a colour (e.g. Black Russian) or a medical condition (e.g. Paralyzer, Zombie) it may contain milk and is, therefore, a health food supplement, not a "drink."
  3. If it contains the name of a person (e.g. Shirley Temple, Tom Collins) youÕre best advised to have it served in a beer can. ŌNuff said.
  4. Shots are considered okay, but only if they are shots of liquor. Liqueurs are not shots; they are shooters and should only be used if you are desperately trying to get someone drunk (Krusty, Pool Boy, are you listening?). Shots include Whisky, Bourbon, Tequila, Gin, Vodka, Scotch and others. Do not get sucked into the slick advertising from Baja Rosa that includes the words "duct tape" and "hog tied." They are only trying to appeal to your base sexual nature. ItÕs still a "shooter."
  5. So-called "hard lemonade" is still lemonade. Coolers fall into this same category, and it does not matter if it is a whine cooler, or a vodka/gin/rum cooler. High school girls (Full Woman, are you listening?) drink coolers because they can go home drunk and not smell like beer in front of their parents. So, what the hell are you hiding?
  6. Finally, wine. Wine is great if you are having a meal. Drinking wine at the hash it simply defines you as someone who folds their running clothes when they get home, and maybe also alphabetizes the canned goods in your pantry. Not evil, really, just a little bit strange.

So, if you see anything familiar in the list above, get a grip, of a mug that is. And always remember, beer IS food.

On-On,

Yer Editors


Return to Calgary Hash House Harriers' home page