Hares: Twisted Sister and Hardly
Where: Woody's Tap House in Harvest Hills (500 Country Hills Blvd. N.E.)
It all started off really bad, when the first thing I heard upon arriving at Woody's Taphouse was Krusty telling Mydol he was going down for a week, and he was now certified to do so.
Bad to worse - We circled up, and Wet-One went on and on about circles, and amoeba's, and shut-up shut-up shut-up !
Worse to disgusting - what IS that smell? EEEEWWWWWW, bags of fish! Oh well, probably tastes like...crackers ? Where did the crumbs get to ?
Ok. the mouthy hash-boss introduced a bunch of archives, visitors, and newboots. Then on to the hares who just happened to be Twisted Sister and Hardly.
The first thing these heathens did was desecrate the hash-marks by trying to send us looking for the new Christian church. NO! They serve wine, we want beer! All was forgiven when it was indicated that On-on started at the Burger-King drive-thru.
On and On twisty it went. First one way, then another, very sneaky indeed. Round and Round the lake, chasing geese and ducks, and wild flowers. Then at the top of a hill, no marks! (oh, this only happened once!) go back, look over there, a No Trespassing sign, how could we have missed that ? Of we go, through the dark, over rocks as big as houses, looking for individual grains of flour.
Our honourable RA was almost eaten by a wild rabid rabbit (too bad, maybe next time).
Then, it all came apart, and it was a marathon grunt back to the on-in.
Where the following was observed : Kingshit say (after sliding down a long slippery steel thingy for the SECOND time) 'oooohhh this was a good one'.
Stranger was seen giving Wet-One some stuff in a La Senza. Right Bun was seen doing a lot of whining - SHUT UP RIGHT BUN!! Twisted Sister (who did NOT twist anything on the run), handed out really cool hash stuff in the form of hashing magnets to put on your computerÉ Wet One was seen passing out... KingShit's home phone number... to guys...
Me and Smirk are haring one of the runs on the 1000th run celebration!!! Look for lots of shiggy, and bears. With lots of honey and bacon grease used in the marks...
And Then, Finally, the DOWNDOWNS! The choir (best I've ever heard) was Smirk, (notice the streaky hair, wet-one says she f*cked that colour right outa his hair) Specimen, Zena, and Bobbin-Robin.
Kingshit was downed for being noisy while eating fish in the circle, and was made to eat a sardine before drinking his down-down.
Hares (hardly and twisty) were downed for the best run ever Jake the Slippery Armpit Snake was downed for playing with himself so much that his significant other had to break his hand
Pool boy Ron received the minishit for being an editorwanker for two whole years hardly (who could leave his hat on) got a keen vest for being a past-it RA The aforementioned PoolBoyRonny and Lakey got to 69 for being 69 and 469...
KingShit (again!) passed the HashShit off to TinyBubbles who - despite all the bright clothes - was not seen on trail Veggie Wanker got downed for being lost on trail
Kendra turned 18, and claimed to be a 'full woman', and then got downed. (I'm gonna leave this one alone...) Jake the Slippery Snake of the armpit variety became a centurion and, finally.... newbootsarchivevisitors Amy, Jan, dip-t, salty-pooch and wet dreams all got downed for makin each other cumÉ
ONON yah wankers,
In the daily rush for news, beer, women, scandal, beer and beer, your editors have been known to ignore the human side of our Hashing world.
But we're not complete bastards (with the exception of editor #4,) and we're not averse to tugging at a few heartstrings when strings need to be tugged.
After the breathtaking power struggle of the recent erections, it's easy to overlook the sad human flotsam left behind after the change of power. But observing the once all-powerful Hardly at last week's run, we saw a man struggling to reconcile his new role as mere mortal Hasher, reminiscent of Napoleon on Elba, Pinochet in his broad loomed London prison, or Pee Wee Herman after his ticket stub was confiscated.
A few thoughtful observations on the collapse of a man feared and loathed by all:
Beware Dreary, this fate may yet await you as well.