Run #920 - In Search Of Sexual Toys

I have never scribed before, so I cannot be held accountable for what I say. I've had to spank, lick and whip too many undeserving slaves lately and it makes me a little tense. Anyway, I shall describe this run's events to the best of my ability.

Our rendezvous took place at Moose's Neighborhood Pub in south Calgary. Knobby served as Hash Master and proceeded to introduce New Boots, Archives and Visitors. One Visitor that particularly heightened my interest was "Gisbert", a pink and white inflatable floppy toy that could only be used in a demoralizing sexual way. It was duly noted that this "Low Maintenance Man" had been stored in Flesh Wound's garage for several months. She looked quite reluctant to give him up.

Many, many announcements were made in the Hash Circle. It is amazing that so many demented people can come up with so many things to further their dementia. What is truly sad is that I've become part of it.

The Hares for the run were Dreary and Spare Parts who made it clear that a change of clothes would be necessary at the end of the run. Guess that means lots of Shiggy---and Shiggy there was! Fish Creek was crossed a number of times in a disorderly way but with much glee! A highlight of the run was hearing Liquor Outlet say "We are looking for pink" to find the trail. I think he wanted a spanking.

Everyone arrived safely back at the Pub, none the worse for wear. Hot Flashes presided over the Down Downs. She was dressed in High Fashion, meaning we don't know what the hell she was wearing! She stated that she was "packed with all her stuff" which included a megaphone that kept falling apart, baby powder and other intriguing toys (of a sexual nature, I'm sure). I made sure I kept a healthy distance away from her.

The Choir consisted of Pole Vault and Ptooie. Comments about the run revolved around Shiggy or the lack thereof. The Archives, New Boots and Visitors were recognized in song. Ben Wa and 007 were punished for not singing for the duration of the Down Downs. Slippery Box and Lumberjack were punished for committing a sexual offense when Slippery Box said "I'm coming sometime LJ".

Next, Pool Boy Ron was Down Downed for having lost his S & M "Spank Me" paddle from the Banff Calgary Relay on the weekend. Hot Dog spanked him resoundly for the loss of the aforementioned paddle and his Dominatrix Stinky may have to do the same!

Takes It Lying Down was punished for talking too much during the Down Downs. Lying supine on the floor, she was also punished for not wearing the Hash Shit on trail and therefore keeps it for another run or maybe another year.

There were many milestones achieved on this run! Boner received a "Boner Bag" for 150 runs. Dastardly received a watch for 250 runs, several of which were actually on trail. Pool Boy Ron was recognized for having completed 50 runs and received a mug as well as a spanking from Hot Flashes.

Next, Pool Boy Ron received the Hash Shit for "F ing Up" on trail. It seems Pool Boy was being a very naughty boy !

A snitch for the evening was TNT. She reported that Cigarette Girl had announced that he "gets wet but never soggy" on these runs. I think Tiny Bubbles snitched that Hot Dog liked playing with her bush and that Blow No Evil required punishment for not enjoying the route.

It was reported to this scribe late in the evening that Pool Boy Ron had lost all of his toys in the course of 30 minutes. He did recover his 50 run celebration mug, however, the Hash Shit and "Spank Me"paddle are missing. Dominatrix is not impressed and will have to impose necessary punishment on this particular slave. I hate it when they lose their toys!

In closing this evening's intercourse, I mean discourse, it bears mentioning that the S & M Team won "Best Costume" at the Banff Calgary Relay and should therefore be a high bid at the upcoming Auction. We would like to thank our talented designer, Hot Flashes, for her creativity. The two other Hash Teams had alot of spunk, however, the "Living Legends" should be renamed the "Dying Legends" for having their first runner "blow up" year after year. The other Hash Team put in a solid performance, but could not achieve the brutal ambience of the S & M Team.

I have to sign off now as I have places to go, people to eat and slaves to whip! Watch out Pool Boy, you're next you naughty boy!

On-On,

Spanky
oops... Stinky

On-On,

Yer Editors