Run #919 - Fear and Loathing in Ranchlands

May 1, 2000

Hares: The Beer Looters (Flux You, Krusty, 007)
Where: Stavro's, 7750 Ranchview Dr NW
Attendance: 85

Have you ever been to Ranchlands??? Edgemont??? They are interesting communities and they will never be the same after Monday, May 1st!!!

The circle formed and Knobby did the introductions of new boots, visitors and archives. After the ceremonious introduction of the circle Knobby then proceeded with announcements. Since I am scribe and can now say anything I want. TOO MANY ANNOUNCEMENTS!!! What the heck is the Hash Sheet for???? Finally the Hares, Flux You, Krusty and 007 were brought into the circle. With the normal amount of bullshit about the marks and the run we were finally on our way.

Who knew that Edgemont was so hilly, and there was a lot of deja-vu happening ("hey weren't we just over there?" was heard by more than one observant hasher). This day of hashing is one of my favorites as all of the hashers who participated in the Evil Police Half Marathon on Sunday were running reeaally slow. It made me feel fast as I passed many of the FROPS.

The run was very scenic as we paraded through the streets, baseball games and a fabulous playground regroup. It was at this playground that I was witness to a particular incident...Cocktail on the swings with his legs so tight together it actually looked painful. You may have had to be there to fully appreciate the look.

Other sightings on the run, Hard Ass and myself came across a little puppy wearing a T-shirt, we suggested to the puppy owner that a nice new Hash shirt would look way better on his pooch. Somehow he didn't take us too seriously. A little further down the road as the Hash was once again getting confused (not too hard to do!) we came across some chalk signs saying KEEP GOING, and then a chalk sign saying OVER é the fence. This way went into someone's yard and about half of the pack actually contemplated going over... Tricky little Hares that we have.

After running for what seemed like hours we finally made it to a clump of bushes in the middle of nowhere. Ah! The regroup... BEEER. (must say in Homer Simpson voice) BEEER!!! After the beer everyone was surprised as to how close we were to the On In.

Back at the On In. I must say it was one of the most amusing evenings I have encountered in a while. Conversations were just getting heated up when in walked two of the City's Finest. Nothing can beat a Hash event than when the Cops show up. There were many speculations as why they were there. I heard numerous theories. My personal favorite was that they had come to arrest Krusty and give him a speeding ticket, since they could not catch him on the run they had to wait until we were at the OnIn. Run Krusty run! They won't catch you... you're too fast!!! Finally our most wonderful RA's proceeded with the Down Downs

First the Choir - what a sorry looking bunch and their singing wasn't that great either. Then the Hares - our favorite Beer Looters who do a wonderful job every Monday night.

This write up is getting too long !!! I will wrap up with the fact that I did get a chance to chat with Police Constable Bob and Constable Darren and asked them what their thoughts were on the Hash. All they could say was "Boy what a lot of hot looking single women here... we'd like to hand cuff some of them to a chair!"

On-On,

Moonshine


Our Space so Back Off!

Running Room Rumours Run Rampant

Long before the infamous "stealing of the hat" attentive Hashers observed with alarm (or with bleary hangovers), the emergence of a new kind of Hasher.

Faster, stronger, competitive, more fashionable, who were these uber-runners? Theories varied.

Are they biological mutants in wrap-around Oakleys, proving that natural selection needn't be done in discount running shoes?

Are they prophets of a faster leaner way, selflessly guiding us to greater heights? (Observe Spanker Banker's leadership skills as she loped up the hills of Strathcona, followed faithfully by a panting herd of Hashers.)

Are they demented fetishists corrupting the wholesome nature of Hashers with their Stinky-esque talcum powder escapades?

Are Icedickle and Anal-list refugee models from Italian menswear catalogues, disguising themselves with subliminally bad grooming and atrocious hygiene?

Does Sir Hemorrhoid really exist in this dimension or is he a figment designed only to test our spell-checker?

Is One Nut Sue their darkly charismatic leader, or just a simpering hunchbacked lackey under the evil tutelage of Cums When Wet?

They are a mystery inside an enigma wrapped in black lycra. Your editors have no answers at this time. But we urge everyone to be on their guard and to follow the brave lead of Gnu Moon, who bares his backside at every opportunity, to show he is free of the distinctive Running Room "Go ahead, bounce a nickel off my ass" tattoo.

Go ahead. Show us your asses.

On-On,

Yer Editors


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