Hares: Krusty, Flesh Wound and Cigarette Girl
Special Covert Hares: The Criminal Element
Location: Senior Frog's
Due to unforeseen difficulties with uncontrollable vomiting and dry heaving, both the Scribe and Co-Scribe were unable to record the events of last Monday's Hash run. . What a party though!
So as a means of compensation to our readers and followers of this small but influential scribbling, I have attached a few pictures of the night. Some of you may still be having night mares over it. Sorry about the hellish flash backs but the truth must be told.
I do recall that the "Circle Up" was the shortest that I can recently recall. I'm sure it had nothing to do with threat of arrest or jail time. I truly thought that I would ever hear Butthead say, "We've got to be out of here in 5 minutes so everyone listen up!"
Well thankfully we have some fast talking Hashers to keep us all out of jail and the run shortly proceeded without a hitch.
Now the actual run was an episode of Leonard Nimoy's "In-Search-Of... Hardly's Hat". Clues were stratigically places all over the downtown core that causes some of our
downtown illiterate Hashers some problems with locating the locations of some of the deco art in our fine city. Here's a great example of a clueless Hasher searching for the next clue. Just wait a minute... weren't you a hare on this run Krusty???
We ran all over the damn place with a number of short cutting bastards in the crowd, from what I heard. An not that it's very polite to say names or point but one I was told has the initials W.E.T.O.N.E. Don't ask me who that is because she scares the shit out of me and I like the way I walk!
Onward and onward the poor old RA Hardly (carrying a lot more weight than usual) was slowly pulling up the/his rear.
Hell, at one point I thought it was a COGS ride when Hardly rode into the Greyhound Bus depot on a bike.
Fortunately the Security had a very good sense of humor and Hardly was able to retrieve the ransom drop off location where his hat maybe.
During the Down Downs, there were so many great things that happened but who know I would have to remember the details. My memory is just not as good as it once was. I forget were I park my truck every time I go to the malls!
I do remember that Shagidelic got to give or receive a body shot from Deeper Longer Harder oh Baby you rock my world... Oop wrong tape in the Dictaphone. I have no idea why he was the fortunate one but later on I did ask him "Was it good" and his response to that was "You bet. I even used some tongue!. I hope the recipient also enjoyed it?
I suggest you remonise about the evening, remember the good times and don't bother me about it or I may verbally bash you in the Editorial!
Cigarette Girl under pressure!!!!
During the Editorial Department's weekly public service meeting (held regularly after our "misleading headline" brainstorming session,) we postponed our Teaching the Bosnians to Read Project and our much-anticipated Teaching the Illiterate to Handle Automatic Weapons seminar in order to address a pressing issue: acclimatizing our returning international Hashers to Canadian culture. Reverse culture shock is the much ignored, yet devastating, syndrome that caused Neil Armstrong, returning from lunar wanderings, to irrationally fear plants and air and gravity, and forever crippled his golf game ("fifty bucks says I can go orbital with a seven iron.") We couldn't stand by without offering helpful advice. We're too sensitive.
On on mates,
After the run Monday, during which I drank beer, and beer at the down downs, I reflected on the last few runs without the "Sacred Hat", I have realized the fun we had, and the creativity and the planning for the Monday night down downs.
The night "The Hat" disappeared, I was worried that I had lost it. To my relief, I received word that "The Hat" had been hat napped. I offered a reward for the safe return of "The Hat", this reward, the only acceptable reward for hashers, was beer. Thus began the chase. The next Monday, the Hardly's had a prepared statement, that was read in the circle. The Crriminal Element rebutted with a ransom note. We replied by offering the Half Yard of beer to the Crriminal Element, and with Dowee, Cheetem and Howe, represented by the Queen of Mean.
The picture of "The Hat" on Phooh's head, was great, we knew that "The Hat" had survived. Ironically, this photo reminded Hardly of his past life as a Safe___ Clerk (bad word). The tour of the Run___ Store was traumatic for "The Hat" and Hardly, because Hardly does not consider himself a runner, only a hasher!!. Riding the security dog was a thrill, walking the cat walks in high fashion shows in Europe was enthralling to say the least, having coffee is "The Hats" favorite pastime. We would like to apologize to the Crriminal Element Security Dog, for injuring him, but we will not pay the medical expenses, as it was in self defense. The Dr. was great, but the nurse was even better, she provided service above and beyond the call of duty. After this encounter, with the pipes cleaned, "The Baby Bonnets" were born.
The capers around Calgary were the highlight o. "The Hats" life so far. "The Hat" enjoyed all the many sights of Calgary, and the people he met. Thank you to all the hounds for helping us to find "The Hat".
Without this sounding to mushy, I the RA Hardly, would like to express my thanks, and congratulations to the Crriminal Element on making the last few weeks challenging, creative and a lot of fun for fellow hashers. This is what the hash is about!!. (Twisted Sister and I just finished copious amounts of wine, about 2.5 litres.)
Return to Calgary Hash House Harriers' home page