Run # 897 - The Jingle Bell Run

Editorial note: My original plan was to set the tone to 'Twas the Hash Before Christmas', fortunately I had the foresight to look at last years Jingle Bell Run newsletter and not only did it go to the tune of above, it was also written by Left Bun. With the hopes of being original, here goes my attempt:

It started out as any normal run would except that there were only 45 hashers. Our esteemed leader Butthead being out of town, left Knobby in charge (Lord forbid). The circle was rounded up outside of a brand new venue (Black Lion Pub) in virgin territory (the dreaded NE, at least in my history of hashing) on a cool, windy, slickery evening. I can't say that I have ever seen rain in December, but I did hear that Vancouver has more snow than we do. Jingle Bells were handed out with glee. Left Bun had this really cute little duck which said something. Never did quite hear it, so you can all use your own imaginations as to what it really said. Apparently we made so much noise, we attracted the local cops who came out to see what all of the commotion was.

The usual protocol was done and the pack was sent off.. Left Bun, Knobby (not sure how he was actually involved, as he didnāt even know where the regroup was) and Papa Bun laid a nice short trail (not too complex if you know where you are going) unlike the marathon of last week. We traveled through at least one false playground stop, where the hare (the one who knew where she was going) led us to the real playground/regroup stop. Yummy chocolate was handed out at this regroup. Boy Named Sue was observed bouncing on a swing while inquiring to new boot Karen, 'How would you like the feel of an experienced man, baby?' Karen's comment went along the lines of "I'll race you" at which point in time she clearly was much faster. Bobbin Robin commented on how much more experienced Karen seemed to be. Wet One also observed how horny Sir Hemorrhoid was.

Too much excitement there, it was time to head off to the next regroup. After a slow start, the pack meandered through an alley to a T intersection. Left or Right????? Marks were seen headed off to the left, none to the right, so everybody headed left, except Knobby. Due to the self proclaimed ćhalf ass marked trailä from Left Bun, a check back had been washed out. This created a bit of chaos, but at least the pack was together. Having an idea that perhaps we should have gone right, we headed back along the road, running into Knobby, who still wasnāt quite sure where he was going. We came across the "onin" sign, so most folks headed on in.

They were then herded back to Papa Bunās abode for some Christmas cheer, spreading of good tidings, singing some rather slanted versions of Christmas carols and drinking rum and eggnog/coke. Kawky Whoeruerrrr had a bit of short term memory loss and complained that someone had put coke in his eggnog. How soon he forgot that he asked Left Bun for both. Pool Boy Ron was caught peeking into the house and was very impressed with the lovely grad photo of Left Bun sitting on the mantel. Anyway I digress, back to the on in. All accounted for except for Hot Flashes, I think she must still be stuck up in Patterson Hill somewhere.


Down Down's

Knobby and Left Bun were chosen as the choir for the evening, but they so desperately needed help, that they had to ask Pole Vault and Dreary to join in. They lead us in some fine upstanding songs.

Party Pumper and Pool Boy Ron were downed because Pool Boy Ron apparently lost his shorts at a recent hot tub party. My question is this: How did Party Pumper get them when she wasn't even at the party? Things that make you go hmmmm....

Hardass and Lapdog - apparently Hard Ass was swinging all by herself. Lapdog claims that he was pushing her.

Moonshine, Lakey, Krusty (canāt be possible), Pussy Killer and Whose on Bottom (actually, only the first 3 were downed, the rest get honorable mentions) for landing on their bottoms. There were probably more, but who's gonna admit it....Honorable mention for Crazy Horse, even having 4 paws and reindeer ears, couldnāt avoid the unsavory surface for running.

Hot Dog - before even starting to run, she was looking for someone to go down on

Boy Named Sue - got engaged (is that all you have to do to get a beer around here?) Congratulations BNS!!!

Snitch #1 - Bobbin Robin - snitched on Golden Showers for finding some grass and not sharing it

Snitch #1 - Krusty - snitched on your esteemed scribe for knowing where she was going

Blueballs and 007 - Great job with hash cash and beer loot!!!!!!!!!

Other:

New Boots : Karen (rumor has it, she's another RR person) Esther

Archive: Swallow it Puke

Visitor; Jacket Off

Tails from the Trail:

Mydol: It was wet and it was slippery, but I liked it. Cigarette Girl offered Smirk his body heat and he refused Knobby definitely needs to brush up on his directions.

Pool Boy Run: We should get paid to run

BNS: It was bloody slippery, there was mass chaos and anarchy, much like the projected Y2K.

ONON and Hope ya'll had a great Christmas. See you on New Year's.

Your virgin scribe,

Right Bun