Run #875 - We gathered under a threatening sky...

We gathered under a threatening sky in the parking lot of the River Inn ( who are they kidding? this is known to most as the Bowness Hotel). It had just rained heavily and we wondered if we would escape another deluge..........

Good crowd on hand despite the weather. King Shit, ever the arbiter of good taste and fashion, was noted to be exceptionally well dressed in the latest in hot weather running wear - a lovely shirt that had it's own air conditioning hole ripped into the back. Swarms of male Hashers buzzed around Spanker Banker.  Intelligent conversation was heard nowhere..... And finally we circled up to hear Knobby introduce the run.

New boots included Tim , Zenny, and Debbie..... no visitors or archives. Announcements were made by everyone it seemed:

• COGS on August 21 will be a street bike ride says Lakey
• Full Moon Run on August 27th says Hardly
• RH3 next run on August 28th in Mclean Creek says Lapdog..
• Stag for Skewbic Hair on the 30th says Sucker ( contact him for details)

Of course everyone wanted to know where Butthead was.....apparently he was afraid of being iced and so couldn't cum.

Wet One attempted to give the rest of the HASH a break  and slow him down by having Krusty carry the  weight that Stranger had attached to the HASHSHIT.

The Hares were then introduced: my name is Whale Wanker and Mutton Buster ( a grievous injury apparently had felled Flux You while setting the run the day before)
Wanker proceeded to totally confuse new

and old Hashers about how the trail was laid....but he did explain that it was marked aggressively with Gaily coloured chalk ( the colour of excrement) and toilet paper; however any excrement on the toilet paper meant you likely WERE NOT on trail.   The Hash was pleased to hear  Wanker assert that he uses TP all the time,  but was this the same used stuff? Wanker  also bragged about the  RE -MARKABLE nature of this run as it had to be laid twice. This is more than some HASHERS.

The group was finally pointed off in the right direction and immediately got lost...Mutton Buster had to point out markings to ACD and HASHERS started running again.

This run was notable for being a great shiggy run seen yet we did not once cross a river or stream except by bridge. The heavy rains had left rivers of mud in the alleys and the true Hashers made sure they stomped through each and every one in attempts to get themselves and others in their vicinity mud splattered.

Because of this several interesting sights were reported to this scribe:

• Tiny Bubbles noted that Spanker Banker had a spotty bum.
  
• Left Bun's white shorts became see through when wet and it was noted that it looked like lipstick kisses or little "knobs" imprinted on her derriere, especially to the trained eyes of Slippery  Armpit and Cocktale.
  
• Right Bun decided to take a bath in the mud after hearing of its wonderful cosmetic benefits. She then had to follow this up with a cool dip in the river.
  Toilet paper was found in soggy heaps everywhere but very infrequently did it signify that you were ON.
  
• Cocktale administered a self-enema while jumping in a puddle. Pool Boy Ron was later heard whining that this was a splash that got him covered " asshole to breakfast". I guess he would know.
  
• Pussy Killer reported team splashing.
  
• BenDover was beating the bushes for his wife or was it hat he was beating in the bushes.
  
• Lumber Jack alleged that Wet One ( a respected RA), sinned by leading the pack through private porperty and then lied about it.
  
• A bog was passed by ...........
  
• Some sting injuries, one of which resulted in the early departure of Alloette who took Just Shoe Me to the clinic due to a severe allergic reaction  (Where was TB during this?)

Finally back to the hotel parking lot. Unfortunately for those HASHERS foolish enough to hand in their keys to Mutton Buster, this did not mean a quick change into dry clothes and money for beer loot..........

While they waited, the rest of the HASH got a head  (who said HEAD?) start on the drinking inside...eagerly assisted by KINGSHIT as beer looter, who would hate to see any HASHER, especially himself, have to wait for beer.

Out in the parking lot, Right Bun , having sustained a gaping gash ( what!) , was being eagerly cleaned and tended to by at least 6 male HASHERS. Pool Boy Ron noted that RB was expressing some concerns about a parasite invading her pussy as a result of the wound!! RB,  herself, confided to your scribe that you must watch out for submerged objects, but if all else failed you need to concentrate on helping yourself.

Back in the bar......your scribe started canvassing the crowd for erudite comments on the run:

• Smirk surprisingly reported that it was the BEST walk he had ever been on, though not enough injuries.
• "More Beer" says Late Cummer.
• "Why couldn't I swim the river like usual?" says Crazy Horse.
• "Why couldn't I swim the river like usual?" says Lap Dog.
• Pussy Killer had no thoughts.
• Cigarette Girl had to slow Rae down, as she was cumming too fast.

All the FRBs were frustrated by Spanker Banker and couldn't keep up........or was it, couldn't keep it up.

Down Downs:

Choir members were Not Too Deep, Ptooey, Beaver, and 007

Hardly and Cocktale were rewarded for their 169th and 69th runs, respectively.
Sphincter and Clutchbag were made to sit in the front for talking....predictably, King Shit soon had to join them in a Clutchbag sandwich ..... Clutchbag soon complained that they made her hot and sweaty.

The Hares :........ what did the HASH think of the run??????
" Shitty markings".... " It stank"'' Of course it was a great run.

The New Boots :  Zenny and Debbie ( Tim escaped)

Flat celebrated his 400th run and quickly downed his YARD of beer.  The RAs tried to change Flat's name to Round but the HASH roundly dismissed this and Flat he remains.
He later confessed to this scribe that he likes his women flat chested and on their back........It's always nice to think you have choices...
The RA's then called up Burning Bush and again pursued a misguided attempt at renaming. Again they were thwarted by the wisdom of the pack and Burning Bush stays as such.

Scribe's Editorial Comment : When will the various Calgary Hashes cease this peculiar need to rename. One HASH name should be yours throughout the Hashing world, except  in very unusual circumstances.

Pyro was next punished...for fropping.

Golden Showers was given the chance to drink out of new runners ( which looked anything but new after this mucky run. GS brilliantly commented to an RA that he just had been to the store to purchase them and had the receipt to prove it. Is there a possibility he was looking for a free beer and likes the taste of  mud and sweat mixed in?

The Buns were then called to the front: RB for all of the attention she received due to her injury, and LB for her see through wet shorts.

Ice Bag and Judy were next treated to a beer due his bee sting injury on trail and her attempts to administer to his medical needs... or some needs...

A real naming finally took place...  Jacquelyn also was a trail casualty, and for her pains was named  Bloody Mary.

At this point Krusty was relieved of the task of carrying the weight around and it found a new home with the worthy King Shit.

Spanker Banker, Fukawee, and Hot Flashes were called up for some unknown reason.... Spanker Banker shamed the Hash  by at first refusing to remove her cap...then when  told it was absolutely necessary she did so grudgingly and took several minutes to " fix her hair". Hot Flashes shamed the Hash by expressing jealousy about the attentions received by Spanker Banker and Fukawee shamed the Hash by being himself.

On the Piss again and the Hash returned to its frolicking. Things got a bit rough and Cocktale had  to perform  the HINDLICK maneuver on Hot Flashes.....Order was soon restored and the HASH slowly dribbled  out the door to their cars.  Another run finished and in the books.

ON - ON

Party Pumper