Run #871 - Hash Cash - Pay Up! Or Else

I arrived early, as I always do, so I can take hash cash for the smart keen hashers who like to get it out of the way and forego the lineup at the on-in. The hares, Mouthful and Dirty Dancer, were late so I was wondering if we had the right location. They must have been detained by their own little pre-nuptial celebration in the nearby trees.

Slowly everyone came. As I restrained Beaver from pulling down the shorts of the male hashers I continued to do hash cash so everyone could worry about more important stuff at the on-in like beer and sex and whatnot.

Knobby commenced with the circle and started to introduce, and immediately ICE, the archives, visitors, hares and some other strangers passing by.a The cross-dressing announcement came a little too late for Cocktale. (S)he was already dressed, with pigtails and all (Makeup by NTD, apparel by Osh Kosh). The hares were introduced and adorned in trinkets by the RA. They joked that the marks were laid in ice and they were hoping they hadn't melted - this was an ominous sign of the run to come.

Then the chaos began. Some went up the hill. Others went across the river. A few ventured into the woods - oh never mind, those were the hares again. As the run progressed the pack got even more spread out. Some hashers were apparently sighted in Stanley Park. Even Dirty Dancer was whining he lost his fiancˇe! Some say there were marks - but it was just bird shit cleverly disguised as marks. The hares claim the marks were washed away in the rain. I suspect they were just spending too much time 'practicing' for their wedding night.

But most importantly everyone made it back to the on-in. Comments about the run:

• absolutely brilliant!
  
• all 69 hares did an awesome job
  
• hares? there were hares?
  
• I liked the various types of markings - bird shit was my favourite
  
• no comment
  
• I love a live hare run!
  
• I got so lost I never made it across the river. I also lost my man but they're cheap
  
• yes, definitely a yes
  
• a little disorientating
  
• the best run I've ever been on
  

• PoleVault, Lakey, Twisted Sister, and Always with Wings made up the choir who did a fine job that night. Ben-Wa was forced to join the choir because she kept on singing to herself in the corner.
  
• Cocktale for getting all dolled up on his 69^th run!
  
• Ptooie - 169 runs!!
  
• Sweet Pee is going to Montreal. She was down-downed to the French version of piss off, which turned out to be fuk off (imagine it with an accent). If anyone is passing through Montreal she would love to see you - Lakey has her number.
  
• Not Too Deep received a down-down for running straight into a tree. If that wasn't painful enough Wet One re-enacted the scenario with the plunger.
  

• Bryan was very excited about all the dogs running around at the beginning of the run, so he was named Doggie Style.
  
• Shannon, who has only been out twice, was iced in the circle so she is now Ice Box.
  
• And Jamie was named Deca Cum because he has already pre-paid 10 hash runs  (and for that reason he's my absolute favorite new boot!).  You too could be enjoying this convenience. Not only do you not have to bring exact change with you anymore, but you don't even have to go to the hash cash table.
  

Down-downs were dispersed to the new boot Cathy, visitors Tinkle Winkle, Jan, Lying Bastard, and archives Shannon and Speedy Gonzales.

Cigarette Girl is under the impression he can get a yeast infection if he doesn't quickly change out of his wet shirt. He got beer (with yeast) to hasten the process.

Then the Hash Shit - finally I got to get rid of my pussy! 

Wet One produced a shiny new plunger. Of course she made Knobby drink out of it. Who better to christen a plunger than the hasher who's had it so many times he prefers to drink out of plungers at home.

But the hash shit's rightful owner went to Kawky Whoreurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Apparently he found his head between some breasts on the weekend and hasn't washed his face since. Ironic that he's been trying to get the shit for the longest time by wearing cologne and he ends up getting it for poor hygiene. I found out later

Kawky is a virgin to the hash shit and he's almost at 250 runs! 
Then the hares were made to wear paper bags over their heads (was that cause of the run or just to keep them from smooching) as they guzzled their down-downs. Kawky spun the Wheel of Shit and awaited eagerly for the opportunity to spank the engaged couple. But Wet One couldn't resist and simply attacked both of them with the hash shit.

As the night went on a number of happenings occurred - Sweet Pee was tying up Cigarette Girl, Wet One displayed a hickey on her ass, Pool Boy Ron boasted he no longer has salt in his shorts, and as usual the Wheel of Shit got stolen again!

ON - ON

Left Bun