Hares: Krusty & Hardly
Location: Joey Tomatoes, 50 Crowfoot way NW
After 849 runs, it is this scribes sad duty to report that the Calgary Kennel of the Hash House Harriers has disbanded. After the last mismanagement meeting, it was determined that with the stealing of the wheel of death, the current kennel could no longer function and must disband immediately.
Due to the large number of hashers in the North West part of the city, the Crowfoot Hash House Harriers immediately picked up the slack, and held their inaugural run on Monday, March 22, 1999 at Joey's Tomatoes just off Crowchild Trial and Nose Hill Drive. Future Crowfoot H3 trails are planned on Saturday March 27th at Cochrane, Monday March 29th - the Red Devil at Crowfoot, April 5 at Crowchild Twin Arenas. Future Crowfoot H3 runs are in the works and will be announced later.
Dreary and Mum and trying to organize the Fish Creek Hash House Harriers for those hashers in the south, with their inaugural run being planned as a kareokee night hash and 24 hour fundraiser on Friday, April 9. Run at 7PM from Shaw's Meadow entrance to Fish Creek (MacLeod Trail behind the Golden Acres Garden Centre). Down Down Circle in Dreary and Mum's back yard, with the On On and Kareokee at the Barn next door.
The disbanding of the Calgary H3 was evident as Knobslinger tried to circle the pack for the start of the inaugural Crowfoot H3. He was given no respect, and it took the horns bleating as loud as they could to get some resemblance of order. I think ACD's face got just about as red as Dreary's! The pack was in confusion, and during the introductions Mydol proudly proclaimed to all present that he was on top!
Knobslinger introduced the virgins to the circle, where they were welcomed to the Crowfoot H3 with a hug from Dreary and a groping from Mum. Must run in the family.
The ABC hares were introduced, Wet One, Choc-o-lic, and Ben Wa (no balls attached). They attempted to explain the markings, and the pack was off. I know it was an ABC run, but marks were harder to follow that our ABC's — even for half minds like hashers. This was made even more difficult as Ben Wa (nba) led the pack completely off trail. As she was a hare, we all followed blindly like lambs to the slaughter. We thought it was just another case of Ben Wa's navigational skills being used once again, until we discovered that she didn't set the trail, and really didn't know where she was going. As I said, it was just another case of Ben Wa's navigational skills being used once again. (Ben Wa's contribution to the inaugural run was limited to the arranging of the On On!) After running though most of Arbour Lake and Hawkwood, we discovered Wet One only blocks from the ON ON. Laughing she blurted out "Wow! Are you fucking lost!"
Back at Joey's Tomatoes, we were delegated to the outdoor patio, where _ of the heaters were turned on. Ben Wa said they'll keep you warm. My experience was yes, if you're only looking to keep the top of your head burning and you're 5'9" tall. (My thin spot is now thinner!).
Dreary, King Shit, Suck Her and Right Bun were called up to be the hash choir. They were all adorned with SMALL bras. It must have been the bras because they were awful. (The singing that is).
Pefessor and Pyro were given a beer for their special walking prowess. Mydol got one for his proclaiming his sexual preferences in the circle, ACD for looking for 8 floppies, the hares Wet One, Ben Wa nba and Chock-o-lic. Clutch Bag returned from her shopping expedition just in time to hand over the Hash It.
This was truly a proper and deserved awarding of the HASH-IT. Wet On was presented with the punishment due to her allowing the Calgary H3 wheel of death being stolen. Never before in the history of Hashing though out the world has one act of negligence had such a profound effect on the hash.
The Calgary Hash has a proud history of almost 16 years, hosting the premier Interhash (The Inter-America's Interhash in 1993), never missing a run through it's history no matter what the weather or temperatures (from -34C to +39C, Blizzards, Rain, Blistering Sun, Sleet, Nice, Snowball Fights, Etc. Etc. Etc.), home of some of the best hashing terrain in the world, just one run away from celebrating their 850th run.
Due to this one hasher's act of negligence, allowing the wheel of death to be stolen, the Calgary hash could no longer continue, AND WAS FORCED TO IMMEDIATELY DISBAND! The HASH-IT was deservedly awarded to Wet One. Smirk was so ashamed of Wet One's actions, that he bent her over his knee and spanked her in front of all. Oh, the shame, the shame. (Just between you and me, I think she liked it!)
I ask you all to now to bow your heads in silence to honor the demise of the noble Calgary H3. OK — that's long enough.
Trying to lighten the somber, mood, the "Manager Guy" Richard rushed out with prizes to be given away. They went to Raghead, Lakey, Twisted Sister and Right Bun. In true hash fashion, the Manager Guy (I think he just got named if he ever comes out hashing) was thanked with a beer.
The down-downs being over, and most freezing to death, everyone ran inside to take over the bar. Myself, I started out on that long pilgrimage back home.
All in all — I'd rate this run an 8 out of 10. Pretty good for an Inaugural Hash. I wish the Crowfoot Hash every success. I also ask all of the lost and wandering hashers misplaced by the disbanding of the Calgary H3 to come down to the warm south and check out the Fish Creek Hash -—Inaugural run April 9th.
Your trusty scribe,
Dreary the Hugging Man