Hares: Hardly, Twisted Sister, Pole
Vault, Hot Dog, Lakey , P'tooie and Shadow (woof!)
Location: Under the horse's ass at Cochrane Ranche
As the Hash crowd started to gather in the parking lot beneath the HORSE'S ASS in Cochrane , it became apparent to this writer that the scribing duties were not to be taken lightly. Canadian Beaver (a.k.a. Queen Beaver, as recently renamed by the illustrious Bottlescrew Bill's contingent of the Calgary Hash) was concerned that the commitment to undertake the scribing had not been forgotten, and then repeatedly tried to reassure the writer that even an idiot like herself could handle the responsibility and no one cared how long or well done the result. This scribe therefore duly promised to record everything that happened.
The warm spring weather we had all come to expect had vanished and we were faced with a frigid northerly wind...or wait that could've been the Edmonton visitors - Baglady Iv, Pump it Up , and Madame Flash. To counter act this chill, we had Hairless Beaver visiting from La Whorreur LH3 (Kawky's home town?) in Pakistan. New boots included Sonja and Terry
Also visiting were Hoover and Open to the Floor...Right Bun thought that they used to Hash in Malaysia and were just checking us out....
After loitering around awhile the cold air took its toll and the bathroom crew of Left Bun, Hand Solo and Knobby went off in search of a likely bush to pee on. Meanwhile the ink in your scribe's pen froze and Neon had to come to the rescue with a new tool.
Hopeful that the run would start soon, the Hash trudged up the hill to wallow beneath the Horse's Ass. However, as the hour was already 2:20 and still no hares, Dreary bravely led the hashers in a energetic version of Father Abraham. Sucker had a hard time getting his limbs to cooperate and was seen thrashing about wildly, striking out at all who were near.
Just as the last notes of the song died the Hares finally made an
appearance: Hardly, Twisted Sister, Pole Vault, Hot Dog, Lakey
, Ptooie and and the leader, Shadow. The Hares
announced that we would not see any hills, or dead people or barbed wire
on this run...oh, oh!
A quick circle and the Hash was off.......
It started typically...the sheep all followed the FROPs up a long check back, laughing gleefully at Sucker and Private Stick who had "given up the high ground " as Perfessor proclaimed and could be seen dashing off in a totally different direction. As we all realized the error we were no longer laughing as we struggled to catch up
This novice scribe soon learned that you can not run and write at the same time and that if you stopped to write, you quickly lost the rest of the hash...
Up Hills, down Hills, past dead Hashers in a cemetery, up more hills, across barbed wire, under barb wire, down steep hills, up hills, past the 8th hare, (may he RIP), and under more barb wire. so what happened next on the run comes from memory and the reports of other always truthful Hashers who were eager to help:
Back in the parking lot, some were busy trying an old trick : how many Hashers can you stuff into the cab of a GMC Sierra?
The RAs decided to try out the Edmonton practice of having the down downs right on the spot instead of at the On-In. They wanted this to be really authentic so they ensured that the weather was as cold as a witches tit (or ________ fill in the blank with your favourite HASH breast). Hash trash consisting of lovely engraved plastic mugs and Horse's Penis Song Sheet / Bandanas were passed out and the beer flowed, though a hot toddy would have been appreciated.
Getting downed were:
We all soon retreated to the local watering hole, the Texas Eatery where some hashers embraced the real Cowboy code and dressed the part....
More Down Downs -
The wise RAs decided that they should give away the cowboy boot mugs that the bar had donated to the hashers that could perform the best stupid tricks. Not an easy task to judge.
The winners were:
At this point, just when you'd think that it couldn't get any more interesting, one of the visitors, Hairless Beaver, provided us with 3 lovely souvenir Hash T shirts from LH3...In a stroke of genius, an impromptu auction was held to aid the cause of Camp Horizon. Mum kindly proceeded to strip and model these shirts for the appreciative crowd. Dreary tried to egg on the bidders with the tantalizing prospect of male hashers having the opportunity to personally remove the shirt from Mum and thereby gain some small measure of revenge for past gropings received at her hands. Bidding was lively but Mum managed to retain her reputation..
The formalities were concluded with an inspirational version of the Hash Hymn and then it was back on the piss.
Since we had been imbibing for some time at exceptionally cheap prices, the Hash now embarked on more stimulating discussion and sterling activities, some snippets of which I will share:
Your faithful and eager scribe felt this was an appropriate moment to leave the scene as the festivities were shortly to be renewed at Lumber Jack's 50th Birthday Wake.
SO here ends my first scribing attempt and you can rest assured that it is all the Hash's own truth because - Blue Balls will swear to anything I write.
ON - ON