Run #843 - Camp Horizontal Murder Mystery

February 13, 1999

Hares: Hardley, Twisted Sister, ACD and Right Bun
Location: Camp Horizon


The run began for me when I realized that Alzheimer's was setting in as I had forgotten pen and paper to record this sad story. I was saved by Left Bun who proffered both pen and paper. Upon reviewing the shredded anal end of the pen it was readily apparent that she had been either using the pen to sharpen her teeth or was practicing to become an intern at the White House. My lower abdominal parts empathized with the pen and thought of the predicament of individuals such as Nobby.

[Bertina's B&B sponsored this run]

We circled up in the parking lot outside the haunted Wapiti Dorm. Lakey complained about the wind. I assume that her remark was made in reference to the fact that Nobby and I had bean salad for lunch the previous day. We set off eastward down a cut led by Neon Stripper who disappeared over the horizon and may make it back into Calgary for the Monday night run. If he doesn't make it on Monday night perhaps we should send out a search party. P'tooey spotted trail to the left in the forest and we herded off north. Left Bun and Dreary followed me. Left Bun remarked that she would follow me anywhere so I quickly darted right into some thick undergrowth. Dreary followed as well.

The concept of a troilick experience involving Dreary was too much so I headed back to trail. Left Bun passed, found trail and skidded down hill on both buns. We turned east for a while and arrived at a semi- frozen brook. The delectable Han Solo called for a champion to carry her to safety on the far side of this mighty water course. Suckher took full advantage of the predicament and providing great courage and chivalry carried Han over. The piece of shit probably slays endangered dragons weekends and evenings to top up his RRSP.

I watched Hot Flushes, Hot Dog and Right Bun cross the brook in the hope that one might slip and require rescuing but to no avail. I turned and headed up a steep embankment where the hares had provided a rope to steady our progress through the ice and snow. Half way up the rope I found a princess in distress. Right Bun was hanging on to the rope for dear life while being pelted by snowballs. Fuckawee and Crusty were the bounders causing the fair maiden much distress.

I shielded the fair lady from the hail of snowballs with my body and attempted to rescue her from the abyss into which she was about to fall. She was having no part of it and accused me of trying to grope her. I guess Right Bun is a nineties kind of a girl and can rescue herself. The route from the top of the embankment was westward and on-in.


An all girl choir consisting of Lakey, Hot Dog Lost it and Goes for Broke entertained us.
Hares were Hardly, Twisted Sister, ACD and Right Bun.
Sexual Offence was provided by Suckher and Han Solo
Mum for being archived.
P'tooey and Always for short cutting and were publicly pissed on.
King Shit was awarded the virgin Girl Guide dishonorable Hashit for arriving late as usual.
Tiny Bubbles for being a prick as usual.


I discovered that I had murdered Hardly in the washroom during dinner because he wants to raise hash-cash to $5.00. He probably deserved it. Dreary figured this out among others. By this time I had imbibed sufficient quantities of Nobby's Porch Climber to lose Left Bun's shredded pen and my remaining memory. I retired early suffering the effects of inebriation. However, I was awoken in the small hours of the morning by the sound of continuos rushing water and someone referring to Crusty's ability to urinate an entire ocean. Shortly after, the apparition of a beautiful wet woman visited me, clad only in a bath towel and combing her brunette hair. The apparition asked me to stay. Realizing that the Wapiti Dorm is haunted I left. This must be my penance for doing down poor Hardly.

On On,


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