Rub #794

May 4, 1998

Preliminaries After speeding furiously from the south end of the city to make it to Nose Hill by 7 PM, I found myself cumming just in time with the usual assortment of people who have no life - oh well... What else is there to do on a Monday night? Intent on making my may over to POLE-VAULT to whine about why so many hash runs lately always seem to be sooo close to Edmonton, I was distracted from my mission by COCKY HORROR/KAWKY WHORER, who decided to take it upon himself to chastise me for NOT trying to pick up KINGSHIT. Can you imagine?! I replied that I would be happy to pick up KINGSHIT, but I didn't think he wanted to be picked up. KAWKY advised that whenever he attempted to pick up KINGSHIT, his offer was always enthusiastically accepted. KINGSHIT sauntered up when he heard his name of course, so I put KAWKY's theory to the test. I asked KINGSHIT if all along he had wanted me to pick him up when he wants to cum (to the Hash, at the Hash... whatever). KINGSHIT informed me that if I had tried to pick him up, he would have yelled "Let Me In!!!" Make what you will of that little exchange. I was flattered, KAWKY was embarrassed, and WHITEBALLS made some sad comment about the fact that he cums less often than the Grey Cup which is why he is going to watch Seinfeld's last episode - some kind of correlation there - someone really should offer to pick up WHITEBALLS too, I think. THE CIRCLE The circle then formed and POLE-VAULT started by introducing the New Boots - Richard & Dawn. Richard, being a man, was basically just ignored, but the female New Boot, Dawn was loudly applauded as, clad in what appeared to be only a long T-shirt, she caused BOBBIN ROBBIN to momentarily lose his composure as he blurted out, "Aren't you wearing any shorts??" DREARY, as per his trademark, immediately dashed up to Dawn to give her a big, welcoming hug. (and, I suspect to check out the shorts situation!). Dawn is a co-ski Club member whom I recruited to cum to the hash - Don't say I never do anything for you guys!! Visitors were also introduced; DOLLY BARTER and PLUG-IN from Edmonton (where we might as well have been hashing that night judging by my gas bill & speeding tickets!) and PISSONYA and BREW KILLER from Toronto. Announcements ere made: THONG Q, known for her aggressive soliciting, ran into the centre of the circle before anyone else could and begged for money & stuff saying she would accept cheques (presumable she says for the May 25 Auction). HARDLY announced for people who have even less of a life than most of the rest of us should cum to the Full Moon Hash the following night and enjoy the rarity of cumming 2 nights in a row. LUMBERJACK announced the annual fund-raising event of the dinner at THAI SON restaurant on June 2. I really thing that LUMBERJACK would be more aptly named as BULLDOG! - just out of curiosity, does anyone else concur? THE RUN PEEKABOO, the mighty gentle giant of the hash was our hare for the evening and as he pointed us in the right direction, the whining began almost immediately as ICEBAG was overheard to say "... beer... beer... who do we always have to run first?" No doubt he had worked up a thirst from the long, long, loonng drive to the hash and was now to tired to run. Up hills, down hills, up more hills, - poor ANY COCK'LL DO commented that she was tired, at which point TINY BUBBLES admonished her that that is what happens when you work in a position where you're never on your feet and advised her to seek work which required alternate positions. ACD had the last word, though, stating that the positions she worked in made her lots of money and that she would soon retire with a Porsche. Make what you will of that little exchange. Many people were being admonished on this hash run, cum to think of it! Shortly thereafter, I heard some hasher, name unknown, admonish WET BUTT to call out "ON ON" when she saw hash marks and that, in fact, she didn't appear to be looking for marks. WET BUTT actually admitted to not looking for Hash marks and foolishly stated that she "trusts" the other hashers to lead the way! Silly girl, that WET BUTT, but she'll learn. I must have taken a wrong turn on this run at some point because all of a sudden, I realized I was fropping as KNOBBY of all hashers ran past me yelling "What are you doing up here?" My fropping experience alas only lasted about 10 seconds as the real froppers emerging from bushes sped by me. I do think, however, that KNOBBY is once again campaigning for HASH SHIT as I heard him mutter to BOBBIN ROBBIN something about "do some competitive running" and "let's see if we can run to the top of the hill without stopping" THE REGROUP Run, Pant, run, wheeze - ... finally - the regroup - PEEKABOO was enticing Hashers into the middle of the pond with popsicles. LOST IT, known for her discriminating tastes for good tea, clamored loudly for a "Red One!" refusing PEEKABOO'S initial offering. SKEWBIC HAIR's popsicle fell into the pond because he RA's better than he catches, but he nonchalantly fished it out and ate in anyway! Yecch - SKEWBY!! THONG Q waitedpatently on the shore for PEEKABOO to bring her a popsicle, saying that she didn't have to go into the pond to get her pussy wet (was she soliciting again?) When I questioned her, she blamed flustered KAWKY HORROR. COCKTAIL, unbelievably enough, took off his shoes and socks, put them in a plastic bag so as not to get them wet, and waded cautiously into the pond to get his popsicle. COCKTAIL, we discovered, apparently had been caring a plastic bag on the entire hash run to which KING SHIT commented, "What a boy scout - always prepared!" When I asked NOT TOO DEEP if this was true, she blushed and declined comment. WOODSTOCK, who didn't have a plastic bag handy and apparently doesn't like to get his UP-TO-THE-KNEES socks wet, shouted, "No beer? No way! Not going in!" BABY, know for his intense dislike of both shiggy & winter running, was baptized officially by WET BUTT into the world of shiggy as she pushed him mercilessly into the water, traumatizing BABY for life. The run ended with hashers contentedly sucking their popsicles as they strolled back to the parking lot. THE ON IN The usual obscene songs were sung ass Down Downs were awarded to the following r ecipients: PEEKABOO - for being the hare^ TWISTED & JENNIFER - for substituting for BAGLADY & BAGO'POO DREARY, SUCK HER, ACD, DOLLY BARTER - for being the choir RICHARD & DAWN - for being New Boots DOLLY BARTER, PLUG IT IN, PISSONIA, BREWKILLER - for visiting our hash DOUBLE ENTRY, SMIRK, FUCKAWEE, DASTARDLY - for shortcutting HARDLY & TWISTED - for still being married after 100 runs MERMAID - for excessive splashing & taking his hash name too literally COCKTAIL - for taking runners off to go thru water "Show us your bag, COCKTAIL!! " BABY - for having WETBUTT - enjoy! HASH SHIT - a ceremonial offering to KNOBBY since SLIPPERY SNAKE has it. APRES DOWN DOWNS After The Down Downs, hashers munched au gratis popcorn as they discussed who was getting it & who wasn't. KAWKY obviously wasn't as he left early to go home to watch Ally McBeal. SUCKHER speculated that he might be finally getting it on a Wednesday night date! I had to leave early enough to make the long drive back to civilization before midnight!! (Thank Goodness, next week's hash run is in Fish Creek, eh DREARY?) ON ON Your Scribe not-so-flat Beaver Flats (With an 's' at the end, LOST IT)


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