May 4, 1998
After speeding furiously from the south end of the city to make it to
Nose Hill by 7 PM, I found myself cumming just in time with the usual
assortment of people who have no life - oh well...
What else is there to do on a Monday night?
Intent on making my may over to POLE-VAULT to whine about why so many
hash runs lately always seem to be sooo close to Edmonton, I was distracted
from my mission by COCKY HORROR/KAWKY WHORER, who decided to take it
upon himself to chastise me for NOT trying to pick up KINGSHIT.
Can you imagine?!
I replied that I would be happy to pick up KINGSHIT, but I didn't think
he wanted to be picked up. KAWKY advised that whenever he attempted to
pick up KINGSHIT, his offer was always enthusiastically accepted.
KINGSHIT sauntered up when he heard his name of course, so I put KAWKY's
theory to the test. I asked KINGSHIT if all along he had wanted me to
pick him up when he wants to cum (to the Hash, at the Hash... whatever).
KINGSHIT informed me that if I had tried to pick him up, he would have
yelled "Let Me In!!!" Make what you will of that little exchange.
I was flattered, KAWKY was embarrassed, and WHITEBALLS made some sad
comment about the fact that he cums less often than the Grey Cup which
is why he is going to watch Seinfeld's last episode - some kind of
correlation there - someone really should offer to pick up WHITEBALLS too,
The circle then formed and POLE-VAULT started by introducing the
New Boots - Richard & Dawn. Richard, being a man, was basically just
ignored, but the female New Boot, Dawn was loudly applauded as, clad in
what appeared to be only a long T-shirt, she caused BOBBIN ROBBIN to momentarily
lose his composure as he blurted out, "Aren't you wearing any shorts??"
DREARY, as per his trademark, immediately dashed up to Dawn to give her a
big, welcoming hug. (and, I suspect to check out the shorts situation!).
Dawn is a co-ski Club member whom I recruited to cum to the hash - Don't say
I never do anything for you guys!!
Visitors were also introduced; DOLLY BARTER and PLUG-IN from Edmonton (where
we might as well have been hashing that night judging by my gas bill & speeding
tickets!) and PISSONYA and BREW KILLER from Toronto.
Announcements ere made: THONG Q, known for her aggressive soliciting, ran into
the centre of the circle before anyone else could and begged for money & stuff
saying she would accept cheques (presumable she says for the May 25 Auction).
HARDLY announced for people who have even less of a life than most of the rest
of us should cum to the Full Moon Hash the following night and enjoy the rarity
of cumming 2 nights in a row. LUMBERJACK announced the annual fund-raising event
of the dinner at THAI SON restaurant on June 2. I really thing that LUMBERJACK
would be more aptly named as BULLDOG! - just out of curiosity, does anyone else
PEEKABOO, the mighty gentle giant of the hash was our hare for the evening and as
he pointed us in the right direction, the whining began almost immediately as ICEBAG
was overheard to say "... beer... beer... who do we always have to run first?" No
doubt he had worked up a thirst from the long, long, loonng drive to the hash and
was now to tired to run.
Up hills, down hills, up more hills, - poor ANY COCK'LL DO commented that she was
tired, at which point TINY BUBBLES admonished her that that is what happens when you
work in a position where you're never on your feet and advised her to seek work which
required alternate positions. ACD had the last word, though, stating that the positions
she worked in made her lots of money and that she would soon retire with a Porsche.
Make what you will of that little exchange.
Many people were being admonished on this hash run, cum to think of it! Shortly
thereafter, I heard some hasher, name unknown, admonish WET BUTT to call out "ON ON"
when she saw hash marks and that, in fact, she didn't appear to be looking for marks.
WET BUTT actually admitted to not looking for Hash marks and foolishly stated that she
"trusts" the other hashers to lead the way! Silly girl, that WET BUTT, but she'll learn.
I must have taken a wrong turn on this run at some point because all of a sudden, I
realized I was fropping as KNOBBY of all hashers ran past me yelling "What are you
doing up here?" My fropping experience alas only lasted about 10 seconds as the real
froppers emerging from bushes sped by me. I do think, however, that KNOBBY is once again
campaigning for HASH SHIT as I heard him mutter to BOBBIN ROBBIN something about "do some
competitive running" and "let's see if we can run to the top of the hill without stopping"
Run, Pant, run, wheeze - ... finally - the regroup - PEEKABOO was enticing Hashers into
the middle of the pond with popsicles. LOST IT, known for her discriminating tastes for
good tea, clamored loudly for a "Red One!" refusing PEEKABOO'S initial offering. SKEWBIC
HAIR's popsicle fell into the pond because he RA's better than he catches, but he
nonchalantly fished it out and ate in anyway! Yecch - SKEWBY!! THONG Q waitedpatently
on the shore for PEEKABOO to bring her a popsicle, saying that she didn't have to go into
the pond to get her pussy wet (was she soliciting again?) When I questioned her, she
blamed flustered KAWKY HORROR.
COCKTAIL, unbelievably enough, took off his shoes and socks, put them in a plastic bag so
as not to get them wet, and waded cautiously into the pond to get his popsicle. COCKTAIL,
we discovered, apparently had been caring a plastic bag on the entire hash run to which
KING SHIT commented, "What a boy scout - always prepared!" When I asked NOT TOO DEEP if
this was true, she blushed and declined comment. WOODSTOCK, who didn't have a plastic bag
handy and apparently doesn't like to get his UP-TO-THE-KNEES socks wet, shouted, "No beer?
No way! Not going in!" BABY, know for his intense dislike of both shiggy & winter
running, was baptized officially by WET BUTT into the world of shiggy as she pushed him
mercilessly into the water, traumatizing BABY for life.
The run ended with hashers contentedly sucking their popsicles as they strolled back to
the parking lot.
THE ON IN
The usual obscene songs were sung ass Down Downs were awarded to the following r
PEEKABOO - for being the hare^
TWISTED & JENNIFER - for substituting for BAGLADY & BAGO'POO
DREARY, SUCK HER, ACD, DOLLY BARTER - for being the choir
RICHARD & DAWN - for being New Boots
DOLLY BARTER, PLUG IT IN, PISSONIA, BREWKILLER - for visiting our hash
DOUBLE ENTRY, SMIRK, FUCKAWEE, DASTARDLY - for shortcutting
HARDLY & TWISTED - for still being married after 100 runs
MERMAID - for excessive splashing & taking his hash name too literally
COCKTAIL - for taking runners off to go thru water "Show us your bag, COCKTAIL!! "
BABY - for having WETBUTT - enjoy!
HASH SHIT - a ceremonial offering to KNOBBY since SLIPPERY SNAKE has it.
APRES DOWN DOWNS
After The Down Downs, hashers munched au gratis popcorn as they discussed who was
getting it & who wasn't. KAWKY obviously wasn't as he left early to go home to watch
Ally McBeal. SUCKHER speculated that he might be finally getting it on a Wednesday
night date! I had to leave early enough to make the long drive back to civilization
before midnight!! (Thank Goodness, next week's hash run is in Fish Creek, eh DREARY?)
Your Scribe not-so-flat Beaver Flats (With an 's' at the end, LOST IT)
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