Run #787 - St. Patrick Dogless Ididarod

March 16, 1998

Twenty-five green-clad hashers braved the blizzard and gathered in the Peanuts Pub at the Carriage House Inn. Rude antics quickly cleared staid patrons from our "Reserved" area.

We circled up outside the door of the Peanuts Pub just as King Shit trotted up, and Krusty got his new girl friend from the car (a real dog if you ask me). Our hare, Bobbin Robbin, waved us in the general direction of the first marks, however sticky snow encased all poles and persistent attempts to scrape it off revealed no marks. Snow drifts were navigated in vain.

A white war erupted when the staff of a nearby restaurant viciously attacked a group of unsuspecting hashers with oversize snowballs. Plentiful ammo was quickly scooped up and launched back.

An enterprising hasher cried "On On" from across the snow-covered wasteland behind the Carriage House and forged a trail back into the Peanuts Pub. Our impromptu Live Hare returned much much later, after realizing that no one was chasing him.

Down Downs

Yes, our hare, Bobbin Robbin, got a down down for setting a well-hidden run. Then he got another one for throwing snowballs at Lumberjack, the yet-to-be-designated RA of the evening. Psychic abilities would have benefited Bobbin here. A little sensitive, Lumberjack?

Humungous Hooter Hunter was downed for planning to leave without permission - back to the EH3 pack. No doubt he'll be back.

Knobslinger was then asked to relinquish the hash shit to Dreary for horn-blasting the pack astray across the aforementioned snow-covered wasteland - not in the lead, though.

King Shit and Thong Queue were downed because King Shit made Thong Queue wet. A sexual offense without the Camel Song? Thong Queue was promptly given another down down for reasons unknown (more wetness?).

Lap Dog was honored for being the only CH3 representative at EH3's St. Patrick's Day run and for discovering their Blarney Stone. Luck of the Irish! Rumor has it, though, that he kisses the stone in bed every night. Get your rocks off the bed, Lap Dog!

Krusty received the booby down down (booby prize, guys!) for being the last one back from the run. He preconditioned his hair with the beer dregs.

Dreary passed the hash shit along to Krusty for running with a dog (I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought his new girl friend was ugly). How embarrassing.

Knobby received a sympathy down down for developing some kind of a birth mark on his neck while at Slippery Pits' place on the weekend. I hope there were more than just those two guys there otherwise it sheds a new light their "friendship".

Lap Dog took over officiating at this point and called Hot Flash front and center. After a short but sad story, he renamed her Titanic Twat. Hmmmmmm. Titanic fantasies, Lap Dog?


Rumours

Nipple Detector bought a book that explains what women's nipples look like based on their hair colour, shoe size and pizza topping preferences. Why? I thought he was already an expert on the subject.

Wett Butt complained to Always (With Wings) that twelve speeds would be hard on the Golden Triangle. Would all twelve speeds be hard, Wett Butt? Most of us would settle for one speed hard.


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