The Xmas Party Run

RUN #772 December 15, 1997

It was a pleasant (for December in Calgary) evening as a group of Hashers assembled outside the doors of the Henry VIII pub of 8th Ave. SW The Hash was called to order by Hashmeister Pole Vault and archived hasher Newt was introduced. The Hares Captain Von Krapp and Nipple Detector were introduced and after explaining their trail marking hieroglyphics, the pack was off.

The run took the Hash initially south and then up and down through the Gulf Canada Square parking lot. From there it turned east along 10th Ave. and then south to 11th Ave., then north on 5th street to where the pack milled about in considerable confusion at the corner of 5th street and 9th Ave. after witnessing a daredevil performance by P'Tooey who narrowly missed ending up as the CH3's very first roadkill when he dashed across 9th Ave. in front of oncoming traffic. He would have made such a lovely roadkill, decked out as he was in his reindeer antlers. Finally we took off east through the little park at the Nova building and ran north again on 8th street. The pack made its way back through downtown by was of various back alleys and (after running part of the trail which doubled back on itself) eventually ended up for a play regroup (regrope?) at the James Short Parkade playground. Unfortunately, only kiddie playing was allowed; no grown-up fun could be had.

The trail then reached new heights of deviousness as the hares cruelly enticed the pack across the Centre Street Bridge. No mercy was shown to shortcutters as the circuitous route took the pack back across the same bridge to Chinatown where the trail disintegrated in hopeless confusion. Only a few brave souls ran the last part of the trail through the Chinese Cultural Centre before returning to the pub for the On-In.

Back at the On-In the scribe scoured the Hash in his unrelenting quest for the truth but came up with only a few tidbits such as:

Lakey: "Don't you know I'm perfect?" Well, I didn't, but I guess P'Tooey got a better deal than he thought.

King Shit to Four Teats: "See me, feel me, touch me." Would she want to feel and touch King Shit after she has seen him?

Not Too Deep says we're running in a concrete jungle and "I like it hard". That's good to know - I'll try to remember to stay hard for her.

Lost It says she saw one of the Hares setting marks on the run. For shame, for shame!

The Down-Downs were then awarded by Moonshine to:

The Hares Captain Von Krapp and Nipple Detector for setting the run.

Newt for being an archived hasher.

Lost It and Nipple Detector for having fun on the run - apparently Nipple Detector was spicing up Lost It to be a Spice Girl. I always thought she was plenty spicy already - I wonder what kind of spice he was using?

P'Tooey for his death-defying attempt to become CH3's first roadkill on 9th Ave., and his decorative antlers.

Boner for leaving without permission - he was sent off with a rousing rendition of "The Fuck Off Song". It's so nice to know you're loved and appreciated, isn't it Boner?

Shack Shock, Lakes and Stranger for shortcutting back along Centre Street with the pack nowhere in sight - led by Moonshine.

Hardly for playing chess on the sidewalk chess board at the NOVA building park and losing to himself.

Dreary and Whalewanker - apparently Whalewanker threw Dreary off tune on his horn-blowing, wonder if there are more connotations to this than musical ones?

007 and Tiny Bubbles for dressing identically as Tweedledee and Tweedledum - they drank their down-down to the tune of "Alouette" (special abbreviated version).

Air Brakes for circle jerking - causing disturbances in the circle at the start of the run.

And lastly but not leastly, $16 a Night U.S. and Captain Von Krapp - to pass the small Hash Shit for Captain Von Krapp for marking the trail while the pack was running it, and putting marks in obscure places - like on a Porta-Potti.

The hash then adjourned to a lasagna dinner prepared by the Henry VIII pub - whatever happened to the traditional turkey dinner for Christmas?

Finally, I would like to again advertise the fact that I am for sale as a sex slave for a woman - young (no older than 25), filthy rich, gorgeous, and incredibly hardbodied, who comes complete with a Porsche and a mansion with hot tub.

ON ON, Blueballs


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