It isn't easy being an Airbrake! Firstly, thank you oh powerful and mighty Chief Scribe Dreary for allowing me the privilege of being your first Scribling victim for the new hash year [actually you're the second - Thongque was first - Dreary]. Before I get on with it, I'd like to muse on one of my favorite hash topics. Did you know that the ceramic keg that use to be on the shit gear that Skewbik Hare broke was actually Moonshine's. You know, our beloved 4th generation hash shit, the shit gear that Skewbik Hare lost at the 745 Stampede Run while snoozing in the grass under a tree in Perfesser's back yard after doing numerous downdowns for various offences including SCBing and check chickening. And do you remember at the 750 Master's Run when the same said Skewbik Hare awoke the next morning at the Paddy Flats campsite with much anxiety and trepidation thinking in his hash amnesic state that he had again lost the shit gear, only to be reminded by the RAs that one of his arch rivals for the shit gear of the year award, Pussy Killer had since outdone him and had mercifully releived him of his shit gear duty. Obviously Skewbik Hare is one hell of a Shit.
Speaking of Shits and also a transfer from that fair city to the north, that bloody Nippo-Detector has sure caused a lot of shit in the Calgary Hash for having only ten runs with us to date. It's no wonder they exported him here! Definitely good shit potential here. And speaking of Shits, and coincidently yet another shit disturber from that fair city to the north, Pussy Killer, time and time again has stumbled into the lime light at on-ins by way of the hash shit. It was also the RAs' privilege to hand out the shit gear to such venerable shit disturbers as King Shit, Shmirk, Polevault, Lumberjack, Lap Dog, and Dreary. We gave Whalewanker the year off. Black Rabbit and Kpt Von Krapp, both fairly recent additions to our hash, also gained access to the prestigious award. And I'll never forget the satisfaction of giving Wants-It the shit for that miserable invisible trail set with icing sugar from Suds and Spuds! In addition, both RAs, Lakey and Knobslinger were awarded the shit gear at least once this year. It certainly was a great year especially from the hash shit perspective.
Now back to the matter at hand, so to speak. It was a bright and balmy country evening until dusk fell over the humid countryside. Polevault our new Hash Master took to the circle like 'a fly in the ointment'. Spinning around, flapping about, and generally irratating unsuspecting hashers with his gone awry witt. Bubble Gum, who has more runs than most, was our celebrated archiver. The Hares were Air Brakes and Boner. Polevault immediately started abusing his new found authority by arbitarily setting the run at ten dollars, and we were off.
....off in the wrong direction of course. We pissed around the general vicinity of Air Brakes' abode for a while which was good hash strategy as we picked up a few late cummers who could still see us pissing around after 10 or 15 minutes. Hi-Balls for one came ploughing across the field from Air Brakes' after spotting Shmirk on a rather onerous checkback along a fence. Speaking of long checkbacks, Peekaboo disappeared out of sight down one fence line only to come rambling back at an angle across the field; short cutting bastard! Peek Aboo didn't bring offspring Bag Opoo out this evening, but says that the little fellow is an ardent hasher and has over 50 runs with the Calgary hash. There wasn't any shiggy on this run, but with all the barbed wire fences around there still was room for hash shrivelry this evening. Krusty was seen coaxing hashers thru and opening and down a falsie early on, and Cock Tale did the same but got caught holding his wire as hashers returned from the falsie as well. The trail seemed to meander further and further away from the direction that we should have been going. There was one miserable little hill and then there it was, the on-in markings at the entrance to a cul de sac. It was Boner's cul de sac. Oh evil and devious hares! I must admit that it had been such a long time since we have done an A to B that it took me somewhat by surprise. The hash then clamoured into the back of two pickup trucks and headed back to Airbrakes'. On the way back, Lost-It was seen shooting some of Golden Showers' sambuca, which accounted for her glazed look and vocal limitation to the idiomatic "huuh?" back at the On-In.
Back at the On-In the said evil and devious hares Air Brakes and Boner wrer awarded beer. 007 was awarded beer for driving thru a checkback in his 4 by 4. He's been watching too many commercials and decided to take the off road approach to the hash this evening. Bobbin Robin was awarded beer for encounters with the shrubbery. Baby was awarded beer for relying on Lost-It, his passenger, for directions. Hi-Balls was downed for a sexual offence. Apparently he was seen going down on rabbit holes. Krusty received his 100th run mug and christened it with beer. Not-Too-Deep got a downdown for pissing on Skewbik Hare's new car. Paula was named Ass over Tit, the Welsh version of Ass over Tea Kettle, and Warren was named Cock Tale for his story telling ability and both were awarded - surprise! - beer.
On On Knobslinger
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