Run #734 - No Club Colors

Dear Penthouse Forum;

I never thought it would happen to me until I met Cross-Dresser in Edmonton. I was jealous because he had this absolutely amazing d…..oops, wrong publication.

Okay, okay, back to run number 734. Around 54 hashers circled up under a dark gray cloud BEHIND the River Inn. (whew, I’m glad I’m not alone out here) Four new boots were introduced to the loud pack, Alex, Mannford, Bill and Glen. Woohoo! I even made one of them come!

Apparently we would also have had some new females if it weren’t for Cocky Horror. Lapdog informed the rest of us that these women were willing to come out until they spoke with Cocky Horror. It seems he had a Cock Up which caused to women to back out of running with the hash. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t see how a cock up would be a bad thing, but looking at his hash name……

Golden Showers in a solo effort at haring called up the lovely and talented Vanna (oops) Crusty. After displaying the marks, the pack was off, but not like a bride’s nighty. Where did we go??

Well, like the observant hasher that I am, I noticed that we were on the right side of the tracks. Pretty amazing for the hash, but since it was 69th street, I wasn’t complaining. We had 69 until we had to run around the Scrotum. Oops, that would be the Totem Building Supplies. I don’t think anyone shortcutted much, because everyone made it back to the River Inn alive.

The run was finished after ONLY 30 minutes. Time to get some endurance there Golden Showers. You will find that many things are more enjoyable if they are longer. (Dear Penthouse…..I digress)

After the run, Peekaboo reached into the Bagmobile and pulled out…not one, but two children. He explained that it was actually a clone-mobile. (note to Peekaboo: Beware of Dreary carrying sheep!)

Things overheard during the run:

Knobby came prematurely before the run (and Golden Showers saw him!). This is unlike Rubber Bumper who has been coming since July and says noone has done it yet. (I would like to come that long, too!)

4 Tees also asked Cocky if he had done his duty with anyone. (Apparently he hasn’t if he scared away the virgins)

At the On In:

There was a sign reading "No Club Colors, No Knives, No Helmets".

Boy, doesn’t that sign make you feel safe?! I hope they don’t mistake my "TQ Hot" Bandana for gang paraphenilia.

 

I walked into the bar with On In, which made the waitress exclaim "Boy those runners keep on coming". Me thinks she has the hash mixed up with a different club.

After consuming some beer and listening to gossip, the RA’s were ready to begin. The crowd was a little unruly, so Tiny Bubbles (in his undying wisdom) decided to ring the bell to get people’s attention. Sure enough, he got attention, but probably not the kind he was looking for. The waitress ran over amidst cheers from the regulars with the bill for buying a round for the house. (D’oh!)

Down Downs went to:

Golden Showers – for haring and co-haring. He actually received two downdowns which he drank in unison. (one on top of the other…..hmmmmm)

Bill, Mannford and Glen the virgins. I guess Alex left because he was scared about not remembering Cowlick. (there must be a story there somewhere)

P’tooey and his fellow choir-mates:

Beth for her sultry, deep voice;

Pussy Killer for the high notes,

Flat (instead of wanting to sing, he was looking for chicks and turtles. If any of you understand the reference, please let me know since I don’t get it)

Thong Queue for getting poked. By wire.

Rubber Bumper for not haring at all and turning down the opportunity. (wait a minute, if that’s all it takes for a down down……) I can’t believe the RA’s gave her beer for saying No to haring.

Floats ‘em for wearing her Banff-Calgary Road R*** shirt, an even worse faux pas because of the fact the r*** hasn’t even happened yet.

Skewbic Hare was also called to the front because of the infraction of wearing a half-marathon sweatshirt. (the shame of it all) Guess what shirt he had on underneath?!

(memo to myself: e-mail Scott Adams again with another idea for a Dilbert Strip. He’ll be happy to see one that has nothing to do with Goosebumps!)

Tiny Bubbles for using the women’s washroom in the bar. (I would call it the ladies room, but we were in Bowness) In fact, a search party had to be sent to find him for his down-down and where was he? You guessed it, didn’t you?!

Lakey told us she sore something while attending the full moon hash. (Does it have anything to do with the strategically placed hole in your tights?!) Apparently, the hash haberdasher (we know who you are!) brought out haberdashery to the full moon hash and without thinking, left it behind.

Lakey, being very observant and all, sore this and decided to take the trash along with her until she next saw the offensive (oops, offending) party at the hash. Well, Pole Vault ass-umed that Lakey stole the trash and promptly took off with the half yard. He

is now the proud new owner of the Hash Shit. (Looks good on ya!)

Things seen or overheard:

$16 a Night and Hare of the Dog were pretty busy at the bar, informing me that they both already ate the nuts and that they didn’t share. $16 was pretty disappointed because they were very small.

Vibrator grabbed P’tooey’s nuts and seemed to be enjoying himself, until he put them in his mouth, anyway.

Wet One grabbed TQ’s shirt and looked down it because she saw lace. Hey, Smirk, better buy some Victoria’s Secret for yourself!

Golden Showers was highly distressed that Thong Queue was not chosen for the choir the evening of his run. (Don’t worry GS, maybe one night we can be on the choir together!)

Furry Thing was waiting for That, who was naked in his van.

On In won the 50-50 draw. I don’t know how much money he won, but I am pretty convinced that the draw was rigged. How else do you explain the winning ticket being number 69-0?!

I got conned into giving King Shit a ride home. (Note to anyone kindly giving KS a ride : there is more than one reason for his hash name. Be sure to open ALL windows before starting on your trek!)

And now for the best joke of the evening:

What is the politically correct term for lesbian?? Vagitarian.

On On,
Thong Queue


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