Run #1462 - Hardly's Trail (Part Duh)

If it's Monday night, it can only mean one thing: Hardly's a hare in Fish Creek Park, and there'll be lots and lots of shiggy, tons of water crossings, and mosquitoes that can suck your blood dry.

Oh, and popsicles.

Can't forget those delectable chilly treats, even if it was an un-July-like 14C and cloudy.

Welcome to the Hardly Part Duh hash, with an assist from faithful sidekick and partner Twisty, who made sure that every colour of the rainbow — and then some — was represented during the Popsicle-A-Thon.

Hashers gathered on a cool evening near the ranch complex toward the east side of Fish Creek Park, right next to Bow Bottom Trail. It was a good 5K-6K from last week's start toward the oter end of the park, so there was almost no chance that the trails would intersect.

Oh, boy, a totally new muddy, goopy adventure.

One thing's for certain: Hardly loves his shiggy. It was a sloppy mess right from the start, trekking through the prairie grass, heading to the muddy water of Fish Creek, traipsing amid the weeds and every once in awhile, ending up on a bike path.

Just like the previous week, shoes and socks turned black. Nobody fell in Fish Creek, not even Lilliputians like Mucky Dip and Chick Lick, although the water did approach their noses, or thereabouts.

As some hashers watched it rain earlier in the day and figured it'd be too messy to show up, Hardly's eyes lit up — he was ecstatic that Shiggyville was becoming worse and worse.

Weather wusses and Stampede lovers be darned, it was a hash night.

After a popsicle stop, hashers trudged back to their cars, then headed to Lighthouse Pub just off Bow Bottom, where beer flowed freely and they also consumed mass quantities of food. Oh, and there was some speedy, wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am hash business.

• Second-time hasher Rachelle made the mistake of mentioning that she spotted a beaver on trail, so her new hash name became Look At My Beaver. Sure, why not.
   
• Long-lost Tiny Bubbles finally showed up to collect his pewter or whatever mug for his 700th run, a mere nine months after he did his 700th hash. To celebrate, he threw his popsicle stick in Fish Creek, oblivious and disdainful about how truly wrong it was.
   
• Dr. Fill, Rubber Made and the Bobbinator got a down-down for attending Edmonton's 1000th hash over the weekend, which basically consisted of drinking for four straight days, oh, and mixing in a long trail every once in awhile. In fact, Rubber Made was still drunk from all the debauchery, or perhaps she was simply her normal self.
   
• Kebab got to drink, a week late, for getting her truck stolen while she was jogging near Sandy Beach. There were reports that Calgary police think the truck is in the Dover neighbourhood, but they were too busy to break away from Tim Hortons to actually investigate.
   
• In other car news, Skewbic got his Skoobmobile repaired after a vandal keyed his beloved set of wheels at the previous week's hash. It only cost him $150 plus a kilo of weed, proving that car repair experts will work cheaply these days.
   
• Dickens Cider and Josh, who's from the United Kingdom and is Abby Naked's brother, engaged in a spirited game of pool that probably couldn't have made a Special Olympics highlight reel. It lasted longer than any of Dreary's hash historical anecdotes, and that's saying something.
   
• Snowblower and Booty Camp managed to survive a fishing trip to the Way, Way, Way North without being carried away by the B-52 mosquitoes that inhabit that godforsaken land.

  Both were extremely distraught about the death of Michael Jackson, saying that embalmers were going to melt down the plastic in Jackson's face and turn it into Legos, so 8-year-old boys could play with Michael for a change. You know, role reversal and all that.
   

• Lost in Space, aka the Fort McMurray Flash, actually attended a hash, proving that it is possible to get prison work release every once in awhile. He also got the Hash Thingy, mostly just for The Art of Being Lost in Space.
   

Happy Stampedin' to one and all.

On-On!

Duke of Hurl